We've moved!

The Family Life blog has become the CFC blog. Check us out at our new home located at www.covfel.org. You can directly link to it here.

Our New Church-wide Blog!

Have you been to our church web-site recently? It’s all NEW – much more helpful, and much more user-friendly. Take a few minutes and check it out. It's the same place, www.covfel.org with a new look.

In concert with the new web site we are making a significant change in our blog. We’re going church-wide. Over the past few months as we’ve seen how the blog has served our families and marriages so well, and how the use of it continues to grow, we’ve thought that this tool could be helpful for the whole church as well. So, beginning Monday, March 2, the Family Life Blog will become the CFC Blog.

How will things change? We’ll still have the same purpose to ‘engage, inform, and inspire’ the people of Covenant Fellowship. And we’re still going to work with our format of focusing on a different area of life each day during the five day week. But in order for it to serve the church beyond our Family Life Ministry, here’s the new daily line-up.

Monday: The Pastor’s Study. Jared will be taking over this day, offering his thoughts on stuff that matters. He may draw in other pastors on this as well. And we’ll continue to have occasional ‘wisdom for the week’ segments with significant quotes to stir your soul.

Tuesday: Tuesday at the Fivebucks. Tuesdays remain dedicated to the women. But now we’ll also include the perspectives of some of the single ladies in the church as well.

Wednesday: Family Day. We’re combining our Wedded Wednesdays and Family Fridays into one day called Family Day. Please note that we’ll continue to have things on parenting and marriage showing up in our Tuesday and Thursday posts as well.

Thursday: Take Five. Thursdays are the domain of the guys, but we’ll be including some single brothers into the blog mix.

Friday: Mission Friday. We’re really excited about this new day. There is so much that happens in the church that is fruit of the advance of the Gospel that we don’t have time to share in other forums. So we wanted to dedicate a day each week to celebrate and explore what God is doing both here and at times beyond our church. For example, we’ll have a chance to highlight some of the amazing stories from the recent Covenant Mercies medical E-team to Uganda, to report on the upcoming college age New Orleans E-team, to highlight the effect of Gospel Outreaches, Second Saturdays, Alpha, etc. You’ll learn the stories of people arrested by the Gospel. And, of course, with Dave Harvey in residence, we’ll have access to cutting edge thinking and action in the world of church planting and missions.

This all begins next Monday. You can access the new blog either by clicking on the CFC Blog Icon on the home page, or going to the “Resources” drop down menu. Please pass the word around. There are a gazillion blogs out there. This is the only one for CFC by CFC. The CFC Blog.

A Bulldawg Story

I’m a lifelong Georgia Bulldog football fan. One of the things that makes it particularly easy to root for the ‘Dawgs’ these days is their head coach, Mark Richt. Mark is a top quality head coach who also happens to be a very upfront Christian man.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “Facing the Giants”, there’s a scene where the high school coach is in the locker room before the big state championship football game. In walks a strapping man who is referred to just as ‘Coach’, who proceeds to encourage the high school coach on the game, but more importantly on playing for the glory of God. That ‘Coach’ is Mark Richt, and the little movie cameo tells you a couple of things about him. For one, it tells you how big football is in the state of Georgia, where the movie was filmed. He comes into the movie and isn’t even named, yet the viewer is supposed to know this appearance is a BIG DEAL in the movie. But more important, the fact that Richt is willing to come into an overtly evangelistic movie and lend his cache tells you something about what he wants to represent.

This past October ESPN ran a feature story on Richt in a lesser known aspect of his life – his role as husband and father. The piece describes the Richt family’s adoption of two small children from the Ukraine. Mark Richt is a major college football coach, but his impact seems to be significant off the field as well.

Check it out.

All We Could Ever Hope For

It is a wonderful thing…to be known by our spouse. To feel understood…to know that you are truly loved…as you are. For some, this reality comes and goes. For still others, this is just a hope…a wish. For these people, marriage is not a place where they are truly known and loved, but a place where they are judged…misunderstood…taken for granted.

And so, we hold out hope that things will change. We long to be understood…to be truly loved…as we are. We long to be known and not rejected. The longing is a right one to have…we were designed by a loving Creator to be known and not rejected…to be loved as we are. And, though it is a wonderful thing when it happens with a spouse, marriage is not the primary place that this knowing and loving ought to occur.

Consider Psalm 103 for a moment. If you have the time, read the whole thing. (You won’t regret it.) If not, at least consider these verses:

6The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. 8 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. 14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

To be truly known…and truly loved, we are to turn to the Lord first. We are to see his righteousness and justice on our behalf. We are to see his mercy and grace, his patience and love directed toward us. We are to see our sin, yes, but moreso his kindness in not repaying us according to our iniquities. We are to see that he knows our frame…and that such a great God considers just how lowly we are…and has compassion upon us.

We are to see these things and rest. Rest, knowing that we are known. Rest, knowing that we are objects of mercy and grace, not wrath and condemnation. When we were unlovable and opposed to God, God loved us and drew us near. As high and as far as we can imagine, so great is God’s steadfast love toward us.

It is a wonderful thing…to be known by our spouse. To experience the grace and mercy that comes in a truly knowing and understanding marriage relationship. How much greater is the joy, the peace, the comfort of resting in the great knowledge of Christ. He knows are frame, our flaws, our sin, our weaknesses. And, in the face of those, showers his children with love, compassion, and longsuffering. Truly, this is all we could ever hope for. Praise God for hope…and his provision in fulfilling that hope. How great is our God.

Hot Chocolate Anyone?

Not too long ago my daughter Rosie and I went for an early morning walk before breakfast. I walk and she rides her scooter—good exercise for both of us. She’s a real trooper especially since winter mornings can be so cold. As we entered the kitchen I was starving! She asked if I would make her some hot chocolate, but the first thing that came to my mind was my loud stomach and hunger pangs! I announced it was time for her to learn to make her own hot chocolate. I barked out the steps as she got the milk and the chocolate sauce out. Meanwhile I was chomping down on my shredded wheat (something not even tasty—which my family continually reminds me). She finally got her hot chocolate, but as she sat down I was off toward the rest of my day and my agenda.

Later that morning we were reading the book "Heaven for kids" by Randy Alcorn, and the few pages we read were about good deeds which do not earn our way to Heaven, but nonetheless please God and can bring rewards for us in heaven. Alcorn gave some examples saying, “Good works include helping and doing kind things for people, such as visiting someone in a nursing home, baking cookies for your neighbor, or making hot chocolate for a family member.” (p. 105). Startling, you would think. But I was dull to my heart, and it took a while for this timely little rebuke to from the Lord to sink in. Later that night, by God’s grace, I was able to confess at our fellowship group, and I started to see my selfishness and God’s grace to reveal it to me. “For truly I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.” (Mark 9:41) I realize I missed an opportunity that day, but thankfully the lesson has not been lost on me. I try to be quick now to offer hot chocolate when we return, and I am the one who is blessed when I see her face as she slurps up those marshmallows.

God is so kind to not leave us to ourselves. If any of you ladies can relate to my selfishness and the difficulty of serving your children over and over in what seems at times to be a thankless job, remember that the Lord is not asleep. He is an ever present help. He is able to bring our sins to our attention, grant us forgiveness and extend grace for change. He cares about even the smallest things. He will bless the dishing of love in any form we give it – hot chocolate included. What an amazing God we serve!

Affliction and the Pedagogy of God

Pedagogy is an old word with Greek origins that means ‘teaching’. When we talk about the ‘pedagogy’ of God we’re talking about how God is a teacher to his people. We’re accustomed to thinking about how God teaches as the Spirit opens our minds and hearts in the experience of hearing or reading God’s word. But God also pedagogues us through our afflictions. Whether we learn what God is teaching depends on whether we acknowledge or embrace what some have called ‘the school of affliction’ – seeing God’s merciful and wise hand in the difficulties we face in life. In a post on the Desiring God web site, John Piper recently gave his thoughts on God’s education of his children in the school of affliction.

In this week's Taste & See Article, I pointed out from Psalm 119: 67 and 71 that God sends affliction to help us learn his word.

‘Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. . . . It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.’

I didn't ask how affliction helps us understand God's word and keep it. There are innumerable answers, as there are innumerable experiences. But here are five:

1. Affliction takes the glibness of life away and makes us more serious so that our mindset is more in tune with the seriousness of God's word.
2. Affliction knocks worldly props from under us and forces us to rely more on God which brings us more in tune with the aim of the word.
3. Affliction makes us search the scriptures with greater desperation for help rather than treating it as marginal to life.
4. Affliction brings us into the fellowship of Christ's sufferings so that we fellowship more closely with him and see the world more readily through his eyes.
5. Affliction mortifies deceitful and distracting fleshly desires, and so brings us into a more spiritual frame which fits God's word more.
   

I pray that we will not begrudge the pedagogy of God.

So, fellow disciple, what are you learning in your afflictions class these days?

Walls of Water

We have some very creative teens in our church. Recently, Ruth Feldman read the following dramatic retelling of the crossing of the Red Sea in our Cross Culture Group. Ruth’s creative use of language brings a very familiar Bible story to life. Enjoy!

Walls of Water
By Ruth Feldman

I turned around, catching a glimpse of the helmets’ and chariots’ metal glinting in the moonlight.
“Come on!” my cousin cried pushing me forward. The pillar of cloud moved behind us, blocking our view of the pursuing Egyptians. I didn’t like that because I don’t like at all to be chased by something I can’t see. No matter how hard I have tried in previous times the pillar of cloud is so thick that I can’t see thru it.
The group jerked to a stop and I pulled myself out of my thoughts. We were in front of the sea.
“Oh no!” I heard someone cry. There was a mummer of voices that grew louder and the sea tumbled about and roared over it. I could only hear snatches of what they were saying—the sea tossed and the Egyptians pressed in behind us.
I shivered with fear and the people around me lifted up their voices to God. A few grumbled against Moses. “What have you done?” they moaned. “It would have been better to serve the Egyptians than starve in the wilderness.”
I didn’t exactly like what they were saying, but I wished someone would hurry up and do something. If there was anything to be done. It sounded as if the Egyptians were closing in on us.
Moses began speaking, and the people’s voices hushed. “Fear not, stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will work for you and you have only to be silent.”
Moses stretched out his hand over the sea and there was a strong gust of wind that nearly knocked me off my feet. The sea churned and began to part, like a curtain being pulled back, a wall of blue and green on either side.
I gasped along with everyone else around me. As soon as there was a big enough opening Moses and Aaron began to walk through and slowly the people began to follow. I walked forward with the rest of the throng of Israelites and gingerly stepped onto the sand between the walls of water, expecting the sand to be wet and my feet to sink into it. But it was dry.
I giggled—I couldn’t help it. Here we were being pursued by our enemies and we were walking through the sea as if it was a street in Pharaoh’s city.
I heard the Egyptians follow us into the sea, but everyone calmly kept walking, though I would have liked it if we quickened our pace. The sea kept unfurling, making more room for the people and the livestock.
We kept walking and it grew quieter except for a few snorts from the oxen nearby and the creak of our wagons. There was an eerie silence, and I could feel the tension in the air. The sea had stopped moving and there were two towering waves on either side of us, hovering like the walls of a fortress.
The stars twinkling above us began to fade and the sun began to rise, streaking the sky with color. I began to focus on the brightening sky to keep my mind off the unpleasant thoughts that kept creeping into my head.
Suddenly there were shout of confusion and panic. I swung around to see what was happening, but I saw nothing except the large pillar of cloud swirling around us.
Horses whinnied frightenedly and I heard orders being shouted.
“Hurry up!” someone yelled. “We’re almost to the end!”
There seemed to be a fresh burst of energy and everyone ran to the shore.
As quickly as they could, the men herded the livestock away from the sea’s edge and Moses again stretched his hand over the sea. The wind stopped and the blue-green walls began rolling in to meet each other. I raised my hands to cover my ears so I wouldn’t hear the terror in the screams of Pharaoh’s army, but the roar of the waves closing in upon each other drowned out everything else.
Mother gasped and everyone was too shocked to move. God had protected us and all we had to do was put one foot in front of the other. But presently someone did move, with a tambourine.
“I will sing unto the Lord for he has triumphed gloriously. The horse and rider he has thrown into the sea.”

Family Devotions

Family devotions with 3 little boys is always an adventure. I’ve seen peaceful seconds of holy teaching about Jesus and His love erupt into an all out battle over who gets to help daddy turn the page in the Bible. One moment I’m exegeting on God’s slowness to anger and abounding love, the next I’m raising my voice as if to act out God on Mt. Sinai bringing wrath upon kids who can’t control their little wiggling bodies. Yeah, we have a long way to go in this house. Yet, by the grace of God, we continue on. At the short time we’ve been at this, here are some things I’ve seen God really bless for us that may be an encouragement for other families with young kids:

1. Start with realistic expectations. Long, deep devotionals, I’ve noticed, don’t generally work with energetic 2 and 3 year olds. Our most effective moments are usually those that are short, sweet and to the point. One truth, point of application for that day, a prayer for grace and we’re on our way. It helps, too, to point back to this throughout the day, reminding them of what we learned and highlighting ways God answered prayers prayed that morning.
2. Promise Kingdom lessons are our friends. Repetition and routine really impact our kids. I take Sunday’s children’s ministry lesson and work through it slowly with them Monday through Friday. God always gives some fresh application or something new pops out that we didn’t see the day before. On Saturday we begin discussing the lesson for the next week.
3. Don’t forget the memory verses. My kids love these. They like it when we all compete as a family to see who can say it “all by myself!” It’s a good way for all of us to be hiding the Word in our hearts. Taken from the Promise Kingdom plan, we work on one verse a month.
4. Switch it up. Doing different things to keep their attention has been effective. Sometimes we look at and talk about the pictures in the Big Picture Story Bible. Other times we take images from their other favorite books to explain a biblical concept. Most often we simply read and talk about the words in the passage that carry tangible images for the kids. And sometimes we just do our memory verse and pray. Changing things up a bit keeps all of our attention and makes it fun.
5. Lead by example. The best thing I can do to foster a love in our kids for God’s Word is to love it myself. Our family devotions are vibrant when I’ve been regularly in God’s word and excited about learning and growing in Him.

Of course, it always helps to remember the reason why we do all this and God’s promises to bless His Word. Our hope and our prayer is that the Lord will bless these times and that through the truths of His Word, our children will come to know and love Him as their God and Savior. Since He has “brought us forth by the word of truth,” we have hope that He will act on our children’s hearts that they may “receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save [their] souls” James 1:18, 21.

Avoiding Marital Shorthand

Do you remember the show M*A*S*H? Remember that teddy-bear-loving, company clerk, Radar O’Reilly? He had the uncanny ability of finishing other people’s thoughts and sentences. He began carrying out directions before his superior officer was done giving them. After a while, particularly with Colonel Henry Blake, the instructions became incomplete and spotty because he already knew what Colonel Blake was going to say.

Have you noticed this can sometimes happen in our marriages? One spouse starts a thought and the other finishes it. At times, this can be a great asset and, I suppose, it’s only natural as people get to know each other. But, as beneficial as this can be, there is often a dangerous side effect that is not nearly as helpful…I call it marital shorthand.

Rather than, “Gina, can you please get me a drink of water” it becomes “Hon, I need some water.” Rather than, “Gina, I’m so sorry for what I said, will you please forgive me for being insensitive and vengeful?” it becomes “Hon, I was an idiot.”

We assume, because our spouse knows our thoughts, that they know we are thankful…they know we are sorry. And, before long, we drift from incomplete thoughts, such as those listed above, to the unspoken thought. “She knows I love her…she doesn’t need me to say it.” Marital shorthand on a steep decline.

How can you know if you’ve fallen victim to marital shorthand? Here’s just a couple helpful signs:

- The absence of basic manners: Assuming that basic manners are a regular part of your life with your friends and co-workers, the absence of basic manners with your spouse could indicate the presence of marital shorthand. Take the time to say please, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry, will you forgive me, your welcome, God bless you, etc. It’s worth the effort.

- Creating offenses where none were intended: Though there are additional reasons this might be occurring, it is worth asking the question, “Has my curtness of speech created an offense?”

- Is my manner of speaking significantly different than when we first got married?: Do you tell your spouse of your love as often as you once did? Are you as intentional with your words now as you were 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago?

In addition to these symptoms, one sign of caution should be pointed out to you. You may be newly married or in a present state of marital bliss. You should know that on the final step before the plunge into marital shorthand stands a sign which reads, “Sweetheart, this could never happen to us!” If you’ve said that during your reading of this blog, buckle your seat belt…you’re probably in for a plunge.

Marital shorthand comes on like a friend: “I guess we’re getting to know each other really well…look how comfortable we are talking to each other.” But, in the end, it serves as a fierce enemy: “What ever happened to our love? We’re not as close as we once were.”

Celebrate when you are so close that you can finish each other’s sentences. Such relational intimacy is worth celebrating. After all, Radar was a handy guy to have around. However, when you lose kindness and grace from your speech, cancel the celebration and start a prayer meeting. Such conversational carelessness will surely work against you and your marriage in the end.

That Time of Year

Editor’s note: its flu season and families throughout the church are feeling the effects. Flu bugs running through a family can be a particular challenge for moms, who must add the role of nurse to their already bulging job description. Of course it’s always understood that ‘a mom can never get sick’, so when you do there’s the additional temptation to press on rather than rest and recover. Just about this time last year Christina Roth sent in a post we didn’t have a chance to use that seems particularly timely for Flu season 2009.

It came, later than I expected, but it came. It’s the dreaded season when all the Roth kids get sick. I feel trapped in the never-ending cycle of wiping noses and many tears, washing soiled bedding, giving asthma treatments, hot showers and endless teaspoons of the miracle drug Motrin (preferably bubble gum flavor). Unfortunately, this season even included a recent trip to riddle emergency room. These are days I feel like I’m on auto pilot…I’m sure you can relate. I’m caught up in the business of it all, wondering when it will end. Though I continue my morning devotions, I often find myself feeling far from the Lord in the midst of my weariness. Flu season can do a number on your spiritual perspective.

During this season my prayers were little more than short cries to the Father, “Lord help him”, “Lord please heal her”, and then “Lord help me, I need to hear your voice.” Doesn’t He always answer these prayers? He did… while I was reading from a book by Anne Ortlund called “The Gentle Ways of the Beautiful Woman”. She writes “If you have made God your highest priority of all, he is there. You are learning to abide in him, and he in you. There is calm, there is peace. He is your refuge, to which you continually run.” That’s it! It’s times like these when I truly learn how to abide in Him. Even when I’m tired from treating an ailing family, or battling sickness myself, I realize something wonderful. When I can barely walk in my physical state, I can run to the Savior in my heart. He is my refuge…He is my peace.

From Generation to Generation

This past Sunday Marty Machowski preached a message in our Family Life series entitled “Growing Families Toward the Future. Marty preached from Exodus 10, the plague of locusts. If you’re interested in finding out how this text relates to raising our families, check out his message here.

In his message, Marty appealed that God has called us to affect generations to come by sharing with our children the great story of redemption through Christ. He said,

“When we tell them the story we connect them to a God who saw them before they were ever born. We connect them to a God who wrote the most magnificent story with them in mind. The Story begins way before the first plague. It begins just after the fall when God, looking down through the corridor of history tells Eve, I will raise up one of your children to crush the head of the serpent. And it carries through this Exodus account to the last plague where we see the sacrifice of Christ is foreshadowed in the blood of the lamb on the doorposts. So you see, the story we tell, the story God intended be passed on to the generations is more than locusts, it’s the story of the Gospel.”

He illustrated the power and purpose of God in using older generations to impact future generations through a letter written from his wife Lois’ grandfather to her when she was a teen. Here is the excerpt of the letter Marty read.

Dear Lois,

Peace be unto you.

This is your grandpa, an old man 94 years old. Time to go home, but I have 13 grandchildren and the question comes to me: How many of them will follow in my trail? How many will I meet at the judgment seat where we all will meet some day? To how many will I hear Him say: “Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. My prayer is: Lord please bring all my children and grandchildren with me into glory. I would like to meet them all there.

Today, everyone whom that grandfather had on his heart is serving the Lord.

Families Growing Alongside the Culture

Based on comments from this past Sunday, here are some excerpts from my message from Proverbs 1:8-19 this past Sunday that people have said were helpful. You can hear the entire message here

The Bible assumes that God’s people will engage in the culture around them. We can’t avoid it. In fact, Jesus Christ himself sends us into the culture with a mission to be his light and witnesses to the transforming power of the Gospel. And it’s not as though all culture is off limits. There is a wonderful freedom in Christ for us to enjoy many aspects of culture as a gift from God. But the Bible recognizes that this capacity of the culture to give us enjoyment is very seductive. And it is that seductive power of the world that is its greatest danger. Nothing will shipwreck the faith of a believer more than the seductive power of the world around us. Nothing will undermine the spiritual culture of a family more than the ungodly culture of the world around us. It entices, then it entraps, then it destroys.



There is an old saying that the Christian should live in the world, but not of it. And this isn’t just call for families. EVERY CHRISTIAN regardless of age or marital status must wrestle with the question of how to interact with the culture in a God-glorifying way. This is probably a greater challenge for us, right here in this room, than it has been for any Christian at any other time in history. In spite of the current economic problems, we live in the most prosperous nation in history. But even beyond that, culture isn’t ‘out there’. The world has amazing access into our lives. In our day the world comes to us in cool boxes of all kinds of shapes, sizes and colors. Cell phones, Mp3 players, computers, televisions – Boxes O’ Culture. (Universal remotes- what a concept, a box to open all my other boxes!) What are our cars but big ‘Boxes O’ Culture? Even credit cards are just little tiny flat boxes that allow us to buy culture whenever we want it. Culture isn’t out there for us to bump into when we’re not looking. It is streaming into our lives faster than we can process it. It changes us in profound ways, and we don’t even realize we’re being changed.



But it is grace that motivates us to teach our children to resist the world by desiring Christ more, and it is grace that will make them lights and witnesses to rescue others. Yes it is hard work. Grace doesn’t make parenting easy; grace makes parenting matter! Listen to Thomas Watson’s vision for the impact of the Gospel in a family.



“A godly man should not only honor God while he lives, but do something that may promote God’s glory when he is dead. If our children are seasoned with gracious principles, they will stand up in our place when we have gone, and will glorify God in their generation.”



In closing, I want to address some parents here. You may be here today and you think you’ve lost it to the culture, that you wish you had kept your children from the enticement of the culture and now they have wandered down the wrong path. Or maybe you feel like, despite your best efforts, culture has invaded your family and taken over. It is never too late to stand in the Wisdom of Christ and display it to your children. It is never too late to fear the Lord. The promise here is not of a crown of perfection, or a crown of character, or a crown of morality. It is a crown of grace.



Beginning Today you can begin to embrace the ways of God in your family – by grace.
Beginning Today you can begin resisting the enticing entrapment of the culture in your family – by grace. Beginning Today you can begin to overcome the world in your family – by grace.

Media and My Heart

In the book we’re featuring this week, Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World (you can order it at a special sale price at ginormous sale ), Pastor Craig Cabaniss offers some great questions for people of all ages in how they relate to media.

Heart Questions

• Why do I want to watch this program or film? What do I find entertaining about it?
• Am I seeking to escape from something I should be facing by watching this? Am I seeking comfort or relief that can be found only in God?
• What sinful temptations will this program or film present?
• Do I secretly want to view something in it that’s sinful? Am I deceiving myself by saying “I’ll fast-forward through the bad parts”?
• Similarly, am I telling myself, “I’ll just visit this web site once, and I won’t click on any other links I find there”?
• Am I watching because I’m bored or lazy? If so, what does that reveal about my heart?
• Am I watching simply because others are? Am I trying to be relevant or to fit in?
• How have my online relationships impacted my face-to-face relationships? How has my online activity impacted my soul? For better or worse?
• What motivates me to create and maintain a blog, MySpace, or Facebook presence? Am I attempting to impress others? Am I being prideful, slanderous, deceitful, or self-righteous?

Here is some additional perspective from Russell Moore on children and cell phones.

And from Al Mohler on social networking (Facebook, etc.) sites.

Life Beyond TV

I recently received this testimony from Steve and Rachel Gonzales, who found themselves without TV and lived to tell about it. Here’s their story from Rachel.

Steve and I have been married almost 11 years and have two young daughters. Isabella is 6 and Sophia is 3. We moved here to PA in 2006 so Steve could pursue his dream of a PhD in chemistry--he's currently a full time grad student at UPenn. I stay at home and also home educate our girls. Grad students don't actually make very much money and we are not independently wealthy :)

We came from a lifestyle that was not extravagant by cultural standards, but one that was comfortable and, now thanks to hindsight, one that we realize was wasteful. Now we are in a situation where every dollar is important, very important. Last spring we were evaluating our expenses and realized our "bundled" service for TV, phone, cell phones, and internet did save money over individual pricing, but we still needed to cut back--we simply couldn't afford it all. Steve and I also realized that we were spending most of our alone couple time in front of the TV - it was a way for both of us to unwind after exhausting days. I had never thought of either of us as "addicted to TV" types--we have a few shows we liked to watch, but TV wasn't really a problem for us. I was never even worried about the content of what we watched--we typically stay away from the "concerning" programming, so again, TV wasn't really a problem for us. But we noticed that we weren’t talking as much. Steve's schedule as a student is more demanding, so our couple time has been reduced, but our TV time had actually increased - not good. The point is that while TV wasn't really a problem for us by today's cultural standards, we sensed that it had become a way for us to cope with the stress of our new life here in PA. It was not a need and had become a luxury we could no longer afford. To be honest, when we made the decision to disconnect our TV service, it wasn't even a spiritual one--it was mostly one of economics. But to God, all things are spiritual.

We disconnected our TV service last April. I missed my home decorating shows, we both missed our forensic shows, and the girls missed their TV-in-the-morning routine. The girls fought much more (for weeks) and I began to think we had really made a mistake, a big mistake. Then some interesting things began to happen. Steve began reading more than his science papers and journals that he had to read--he began reading books about God--and he shared with me what God was teaching him. I began reading some of his recommendations and was inspired too. I also began reading classic literature that had been on my list for years, but I hadn't been able to fit in because of caring for my family, home schooling, and all that TV I had to watch had kept me pretty busy ;). Steve and I were really enjoying each other's company again--talking, discussing, sharing. At about week 4 our girls suddenly quit arguing and quarreling (okay, not completely, but a significant reduction). They began playing more and more and I watched their already active imaginations go to a new level. Steve got out his guitars and began playing again (a lifelong hobby of his that had almost been non-existent since he began school). And not only was he playing again, he was learning more Christian music--beautiful. Our home is generally more presentable (not this week actually, but usually :) because I have more time to care for it. And some of our around-the-house-projects are seeing progress. I've also had time to get back to some of my hobbies.

But the biggest change was that we started going to bed earlier and I was sleeping better. I have always considered myself more of a night owl--I've never been a fan of getting up early. But slowly as my body adjusted to going to bed earlier, it has also adjusted to getting up earlier. Now that I've been without TV for this long, I think I may be one of those people who are affected by the blue light emitted by TVs that can make it hard for some to fall asleep - it was regular for me to toss and turn for 1+ hours before I could fall asleep when I was ending my night by watching TV. Now I rarely have a hard time falling asleep and I'm going to bed earlier than I have most of my adult life. Steve is also enjoying more and better sleep. We have enjoyed so many benefits because I am more rested - I'm more patient, for example - definitely a good thing because I can be downright crabby when I'm tired. I have more energy not just to make it through the day, but to do more during the day.

But it's the getting up earlier part that is the best. I have time to sit with a nice cup of coffee that I'm enjoying instead of must-have-so-I-can-function and reading my Bible before our girls get up. And recently God has me journaling too - and I am blessed. Now I embrace the day instead of bracing for the day--God is so good!

There are a couple shows Steve and I do still like to watch, so we use the internet or iTunes. It's nice because we watch on our schedule and with few commercials. We do still let the girls watch some videos as well. There have been times when we wished we had TV service - every now and then we still want to vegge out, but even that desire is less and less. It would have been nice to be able to watch the Olympics and the Super Bowl and a few other special programs, but the internet made even these events available.

Who knew how much God had in store for us all because we could no longer afford TV service--we are so thankful! I think TV has become so much a part of our culture that it is hard for people to even imagine giving it up. When I called to cancel, the gentleman helping me couldn't comprehend that we weren't going to have any TV. Steve likes to describe it as "one of the best things we've ever done.” And we both praise God for being unable to afford TV service!

Buyer Beware! …

(Editor’s note: Ramona submitted this blog last spring, but it coming off of a message on the family in the culture it seemed apropos. And, hopefully, spring is coming soon!)

The weather has changed—its warm—and so comes the yearly ritual of the ‘changing of the clothing.’ As usual, I am amazed at how quickly my children have grown. The summer clothing I diligently packed away in the fall seems to have shrunk in the bins that housed them during the colder months. And so off to the local department stores to fill in the gaps in my kids’ summer wardrobes.

I just returned from such a trip almost empty handed and with a sad heart. Though there were more than enough clothing options available—even at a reasonable cost—I was unwilling to buy into the ‘cultural norm’ and trade some very important principles we have used to make clothing selections for our children. In the stores I visited, the styles available for my eight year old daughter were predominately immodest and geared toward a trendy, teen pop culture that doesn’t embrace the biblical standards of modesty, humility, and appropriateness that Paul refers to in 1 Timothy 2:9 where he urges, “that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.”

Obviously, my eight year old daughter is NOT a woman. In fact, in spite of what the fashion industry would like her to believe, she’s not a teen yet either. But there is direct application to her life, none the less. My example of dress, how I relate to her on the topic of dress, what I purchase for her wear, and what I allow her to wear now, in her elementary years, will ultimately tutor her heart either toward godly virtues of purity, modesty and self-control, or tutor her heart toward worldly values of sinful comparison, worldly acceptance, and gaining attention through her appearance.

Buyer beware! That cute little mid-drift top with spaghetti ties at the shoulder may deliver more than you bargained for as your daughter becomes progressively desensitized to our culture and its sensual trappings.

C.J. Mahaney has done some outstanding teaching in this area, and has written a chapter on modesty in "Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World" (you can order it at a special sale price at the ginormous sale ). It’s called “God, My Heart, and Clothes.” It’s wisdom for women of any age.

Also, please take some time to look over the Modesty Check List which will help you not only care for your daughters, but sharpen your convictions for yourself as well.

Every Square Inch is Mine!

In our Sunday message yesterday we discussed how families can grow strong along side the culture. We learned that the enticement of the world is a very real and spiritually dangerous thing. But we live and work and play and relate in a world we can’t leave. How do we bring faith into this daily battle with the world? In the book "Worldliness – Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World", Jeff Purswell gives us a God-glorifying perspective in his chapter, “How to Love the World.” Jeff writes,

“A biblical worldview sees every moment of life lived under the sovereign grace of God and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. Scripture’s story is emphatic: God’s rule extends to all of creation and therefore all of our lives. As Abraham Kuyper famously put it, ‘There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over ALL, does not cry, 'Mine!’



"Therefore every second of life is significant… A biblical worldview gives us new eyes to see all of life: every sphere is charged with potential, every activity providing an opportunity to serve God, and bring glory to God. Because God is sovereign over all things, and Christ is redeeming all things, all things matter to God.”


We can be in the world, but not of it; enjoy its blessings without being trapped by its snares; and engage it with the redemptive hope of the Gospel. We don’t need the world, but the world certainly needs us.

"Worldliness" is an outstanding and very readable book for understanding how to interact with the culture and be faithful to Christ. This month Sovereign Grace Ministries is having a ginormous sale on this book (and other great resources) that will allow you to interact with a strategic resource in very challenging times.

Families Growing with One Another Part II

From Andy: In his message this past Sunday Rob did a wonderful job helping us see the Gospel joy behind the marriage and family job descriptions in Ephesians 5 and 6. I've asked him to excerpt some of his thoughts from the message on marriage for Wedded Wednesday and on parents and children on Family Friday. You can download the entire message here.

This gospel understanding of Ephesians 5 completely changes how we read the text. So, in light of this wonderful truth, that true family unity can only be achieved through our unbreakable union with Christ, let’s read through this passage again.

CHAPTER 6:1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

In light of the gospel, it is as though Christ is saying:

“Children, I have obeyed the will of my Father in heaven. If you have trusted in me, I have covered your sin and your disobedience. You have received the benefits of my obedience. Now, I have placed over you parents for your good. As I have honored my Father, so you should honor your mother and father. To not fight against the very thing I’ve given as a gift. Obey…honor…enjoy the blessings that I have for you. Not just because it is the right thing to do, but because I have designed it with promises for your good.”

VERSE 4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Through the motivation of Ephesians 2, Christ makes this appeal:

“Parents, I have won you to my Father with love and kindness. I have not poured my anger out upon you, but have shown you endless patience. Your anger for your children will only provoke them…it will not win them. Turn them to me…entrust them to me…bring them up in me. Raise them, parents, in light of the gospel that won you to me and now trains you in me.”

You see, Ephesians 2 converts Ephesians 5 from an instruction manual to a worship event. It is not a list of job descriptions. It is everyday application of the gospel to the small and seemingly insignificant moments of our lives. Without Ephesians 2, Ephesians 5 is a burden. With it, it is an invitation to walk moment by moment, in the context of our closest relationships, with the one who died for us.

Parents, v4, you are to be intentionally merciful. Your example for parenting your children is God the Father. As Ps103 says, He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He does not deal with us according to our sins. You are to bring up your children in the instruction of the Lord…but also in the character and love of the Lord. Use more questions than statements. Lead them to discover truth. Relate to them as though YOU are a sinner in need of a savior.

Teens and children, Chapter 6:1, you are to obey. Not just because your parents have your best interests in mind most of the time. But because your obedience to your parents is a direct reflection of your obedience to God. Next, v2, you are to honor. This means when they are around and when they are not. It means in how you speak to them and how you speak about them. It means with words and with facial expressions. It means with your outward appearance and with the posture of your heart.

Slingshot Disciple

Here’s a little quiz on discipleship.

First, read through the statements below about what it means to be a disciple.

• A disciple doesn't go and learn something and then perform it. A disciple develops godliness through application in real life over time.
• A disciple doesn’t bother to compare himself with others. Who he is and what he does in light of what he should be and do is enough of a concern for him.
• A disciple is willing to have others observe his life
• A disciple doesn't mind being considered odd by others.
  

Second, watch the short video which you can access from this link (courtesy of Stephen Altrogge at The Blazing Center): Incredible Slingshot Man

Third, think about this: If I could learn one thing about being a disciple from the Slingshot Man, what would it be? (Hint – the statements above are a good place to start)

Families Growing with One Another Part I

From Andy: In his message this past Sunday Rob did a wonderful job helping us see the Gospel joy behind the marriage and family job descriptions in Ephesians 5 and 6. I've asked him to excerpt some of his thoughts from the message on marriage for Wedded Wednesday and on parents and children on Family Friday. You can download the entire message here.

This gospel understanding of Ephesians 5 completely changes how we read the text. So, in light of this wonderful truth, that true family unity can only be achieved through our unbreakable union with Christ, let’s read through this passage again.

VERSE 22
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Seen in light of the gospel, it is as though Christ is saying:

“Wives, I have freed you from striving for position. I have declared my equal love for men and women, for young and old, for Jew and Gentile. I have called you to me. And I have set in place an order for the home. This is a good and holy calling for you. Don’t strive…submit, in light of the gospel. I’m not putting constraints in your way…but freedom.”

VERSE 25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

Men, do you hear the voice of Christ behind these words:

“Husbands, I have lavished my love on you and poured out my blood to wash you…to make you white as snow. I have poured out my life to present you to my Father without blemish. In light of the glorious gospel that has been given to you…love your wives. Seek what is best for her…seek to serve her. I have expressed my lordship over you with compassion, patience and love. This is how you ought to love your wife…this is how I have loved you.”

You see, Ephesians 2 converts Ephesians 5 from an instruction manual to a worship event. It is not a list of job descriptions. It is everyday application of the gospel to the small and seemingly insignificant moments of our lives. Without Ephesians 2, Ephesians 5 is a burden. With it, it is an invitation to walk moment by moment, in the context of our closest relationships, with the one who died for us.

So, men, in light of Christ’s work on your behalf, God makes a claim on your life in this text. First, v23, you are to lead. You are to lead with a willingness to lay down your life for your wife. Her good is your concern. Next, v25, you are to love. The responsibility and leadership God has given you for her is a joy to carry. Loving her should be as fulfilling to your heart and soul as loving yourself is.

Pursue her interests. Initiate conversations on spiritual matters. Pray for her…with her.
Reorder your calendar to reflect her as a priority. Break passive patterns in the evenings and plan times for talk, for fun, for romance.

Ladies, in light of Christ’s work on your behalf, God makes a claim on your life in this text. First, v22, you are to submit. Following your husband’s leadership is following in the tracks laid out for you by the Savior. God has crafted you for your husband…serving and complementing him is the role of a helpmate. Next, vv25-31, receive your husband’s leadership and love. If God is calling him to these things, then he desires for you to receive them. Make leading and loving you a joy.

Seek to find ways to strengthen him in areas of weakness…to commend him in areas of strength. Ask for his leadership…for his input. Find ways to surprise him with blessing.

Sermons in a Mirror

I find it fascinating that so many parents, including myself, discipline their children in the bathroom.

It certainly doesn’t seem like a logical choice—first of all you have to sit on the one available seat, presumably not the most attractive or clean one in the house. Second, bathrooms are often tiny rooms, and I have emerged from many a loving discipline session feeling like I’ve been locked in a small closet with a wolverine. Thirdly, it is the most frequently visited room in the house. You can bank on the fact that as soon as you enter the bathroom with your suspect, someone will be pounding on the door while jumping up and down in obvious discomfort. And you happen to be sitting on their source of relief.

And yet there is some irony in the choice. Because bathrooms have mirrors. They have other things in them as well—recent finds in my own powder room include a hand-made bow and arrow, toddler-size undies (that’s always scary), and a Lego warship. But there is always a mirror. And I find the mirror an unnerving fixture when I’m disciplining my kids. The bathroom mirror is a tool God uses to make sure the sermons I’m preaching to my kids are getting preached back to me as well.

You see, after disciplining a child, I talk with them about what happened and about their sin and God’s mercy. We’ve been well taught. But any parent knows that these words of wisdom are not always received with rapt attention and deep conviction. Yet no matter what behavior the guilty party is exhibiting, one person’s eyes are always watching me—my own. The mirror becomes my teacher in those moments. It has corrected me, encouraged me, and convicted me.

“Honey, it seems like in a lot of these situations you’re only thinking about what would serve you. It doesn’t seem like you’re thinking of others or what would bless them.” (The eyes in the mirror are watching.)

“Are we allowed to complain and become angry when we don’t get exactly what we want? Is getting what we want the goal in life?” (The ears in the mirror are listening.)

The mirror has diagnosed me perfectly. How can I tell my children something that I still struggle with so much, calling them to a high standard when my own example is unsteady? Are these sessions just a cycle of failures and lectures? Should I go on?

But the voice in the mirror keeps talking…

“Love, you could never pay for these sins or earn God’s favor. But God has done what we never could. He’s made a rescue...”

As the redemptive truths continue, I’m reminded that God doesn’t give up on his children. His mercy comes to us not just in times of obedience, but in times of failure—and failure again. My kids and I all need a Father who is patient and loving to us. I’m so glad I have a bathroom mirror to remind me.

Financial Counsel Worth Taking

Winter for me is a time of financial reckoning. I get the final tally on what we spent on Christmas – which is always more than we planned. In early January I print my final budget report for the year where I learn afresh how my ‘shoulds’ line up with my ‘dids’. And then I set my new budget ‘shoulds’ in place for the coming year. I start pulling my tax stuff together. And I get that year end statement that tells me how my retirement accounts did.

Ouch. The last one hurts this year. If there’s any truth to the fact that misery loves company, then maybe we all are loving that ‘where did it all go’ feeling. Most of the financial advice out there seems to call us to not panic. Prudent investing looks at things in the long term.

Perhaps at this time of new budgets and economic uncertainty it’s helpful to remind ourselves that the long term for Christians goes well beyond this current economic problems. One of my favorite insights from Randy Alcorn is so helpful as I begin to look at my financial picture for the upcoming year.

Let me assume the role of “eternal financial counselor” and offer this advice: choose your investments carefully; compare their rates of interest; consider their ultimate trustworthiness; and especially compare how they will be working for you a few million years from now. (Randy Alcorn from "Money, Possessions and Eternity" p.134)

Faith and Mercy

Editor’s Note: On January 24th, Brian Vander Weide preached a message called Pay Attention to What You Hear from Mark 4:21-25. The following post is a summary of The Extra Point that followed…a time designed specifically for parents to help their teens process the preached Word. The audio for both the message and the extra point can be found at here.

We love our children. We would do anything for them. And we want the best for them.

We love God. We would do anything for Him. And we want so desperately for our children to know our God.

As good as this desire is, an overemphasis on this can lead to some real parenting challenges. Here are two worth considering.

Faith

Our love for both our God and our children can drive us to press for certainty that they truly know Him. We long to see fruit in their lives. We want them to pursue us for godly wisdom.

Yet, try as we might, we cannot make them see God. We cannot make them hear. We cannot make them pay attention and take action. Though we would love to, we can’t give them our faith…we can’t give them our sanctification. Those things are really between them and God.

God calls us to a place of faith. His love for our children exceeds ours. His commitment to our children exceeds ours. If He is the changer of lives and the saver of souls, then our trust must be in Him doing it…not us.

Are we still to parent? …to exhort? …to correct? Of course we are…we must. But we are to leave the results to God. We are to be faithful in our duties, in our prayers, in our love and commitment, but we are not to end up in a place of fear…but of faith.

An absence of faith will often drive us to interfere with God’s work in their lives. The must experience His conviction…not ours. Many walls have been built by well-intended parents who have overstepped their boundaries…into God’s jurisdiction. We want to be encouraging open conversation about spiritual matters. When we press in the absence of faith, we often shut down lines of communication.

That leads to the other challenge worth considering…

Mercy

Imagine a runner who is running as hard as he can. He is not the fastest nor the most fit, but he runs hard. Behind him is a coach on a bike, telling him to run harder, take longer strides, press more. The initial effect might pick up the pace, but after the continued yelling and criticizing, the runner will slow down…or stop running altogether. The coach has broken his will to run.

Without mercy guiding our parenting, we can fall into the same trap as this coach. We can define our role in their lives as yelling motivation into them. “Why aren’t you paying more attention?” “Why don’t you ever follow through on what we tell you?” But the goal is not to be the “fastest” runner, but to run as fast as we can.

It’s important to remember that our children are in process. Their walk may be sporadic…inconsistent. It may depend on the issue…or the day.

We shouldn’t excuse their sin…but we should understand it. God understands ours…and extends mercy upon mercy toward us. We now can extend that mercy to them.

We are parenting children in process. We can parent them from behind for times when they fall. We can parent them from in front by living and example for them to follow. We can parent them from the side as we show compassion as a fellow sinner. Our parenting ought to be a surrounding parenting…not a smothering one.

God will meet us with the faith and mercy that we need to give. He will meet our children who are in process. He will…he will…he will.

The Other Side of The Field

Lori Snyder sent me the article below this week. It was taken from the Truth Project web site at Focus on the Family. You can look at the original ESPN article as well

As we endure the bloated hype of another Superbowl week, hoping the game isn’t overwhelmed in the process, here’s a reminder of what can at the other end of the field.

High school football is big in America. But I suppose there is no place where it is bigger than in Texas. Friday nights there are legend.

The fans scream; the stands are packed; cheerleaders with pom-poms jump and sway to the beat of the school band; parents yell encouragement (mostly); mom's turn their eyes away when their little boys are crunched by the "bullies on the other team who didn't really have to hit him that hard, did he?" and everybody joins in the chants and stomps their feet on the metal stands until you are sure they will collapse.

This is the frenzy of Texas high school football.

However, there is a football team in Texas that is a little different. When they play on Friday night, their stands are pretty much empty, no band, no cheerleaders, no mass of parents or townsfolk wearing the school colors and waving banners and flags. They take the field without anyone cheering them on. When they get a first down, there is no deafening surge from the stands. When they score a touchdown, which rarely happens, there is no wild celebration behind them…only the individual shouts of satisfaction that come from the 14 players and their coach and the 20 or so people that are sitting on their side of the field. All of it seems hollow and muffled in contrast to the tidal wave of roars and drums and chants that come from the opposing side.

They are the Tornadoes of the Gainesville State School, a fenced, maximum-security facility of the Texas Youth Commission. The young men who go to Gainesville State are there because they have made some major mistakes in their lives. But the players who are on the team are there because they have worked hard and have disciplined themselves to meet the "criteria" that gives them the privilege to leave the facility and play football on Friday nights—always an away game for them—always a home game for their opponents—and almost always a loss. They don't have a weight program or training equipment or high-paid coaches and assistants. They don't have a large pool of players to draw from. The school has 275 boys, but many are too old or too young or can't or don't meet the "criteria" to play. And they don't have the support of a town and a mass of parents and family and reporters and bands and cheerleaders.

That is, until November 7th. Something changed. They played Grapevine Faith Christian School.

The way the Gainesville coach, Mark Williams, recounted it for me, it went something like this: Earlier in the week, he had received a call from Faith Christian coach, Kris Hogan, asking him if it would be okay if Faith formed a "spirit" line for his team when they ran on the field. Mark said, "Sure, that would be a real encouragement to the kids." He thought that the line would consist of a couple of the JV cheerleaders, but when they took the field, there were a hundred people in it and it stretched to the 40-yard line, filled with Faith parents, fans and varsity cheerleaders, complete with a banner at the end for them to burst through that read "Go Tornadoes!". And then, those parents and fans sat in the stands behind the Gainesville players and when the Tornadoes broke the huddle and went up to the line they could hear people cheering for them, by name. When they got a first down, "their" fans erupted.

You see, coach Hogan had sent an email out to the Faith Christian family asking them to consider doing something kind for these young men, many who didn't know what it meant to have a mom and dad who cared, many who felt the world was against them, not for them. Hogan asked that they simply send a message that these boys were "just as valuable as any other person on earth."

So half of the Faith Christian fans were now sitting on the visitor's side of the field, cheering for the Gainesville team, and in some cases, against their own sons.
–Cheering for a team decked out in old uniforms and helmets.
–Cheering for boys who wouldn't go home that night and have a smiling dad slap him on the back and feel his mom put her arms around him and say "I'm so proud of you son!"
–Cheering for the underdog.

Though the score was familiar (down 33-0 at half-time), this was a Friday night like no other for the Tornadoes. In the locker room, the players were confused.
"Why are they cheerin' for us, coach?"
"Because, men, they want to encourage you. They want you to know that they care about you…that you have value."
Coach Williams said the boys were stunned. For many of these kids, it may have been the first time that anyone had shown them, so visibly, unconditional love.

Williams then encouraged them to set a goal for the second half: to score a touchdown. And when they took the field again, with their fans cheering them on, they did. Williams said, "Everything started to click in the second half. Our passes started to click. Our sweeps and counters started to click." And they did score. Two touchdowns.

And the fans went wild.

I asked Coach Williams what the bus ride was like on the way home and he laughed and told me that they were all asleep—their bellies were full. After the game, the parents brought a whole bunch of food over to the guys: hamburgers, fries, candy, sodas…and included in the meal sack was a Bible and a letter of encouragement from a Faith Christian player. But then, he said, they formed a line for us out to the bus. And the parents patted them on the back and said, "Nice game" and "Look forward to seeing you guys next time."

The phone went dead at this point. I think Coach Williams was choking back some tears. And so was I.

I asked him one final question: "If you could tell other people one thing about your kids, what would it be?" He said, "Don't be scared of them. Treat them with respect. Yes, they've made some mistakes, but they are trying their best to turn their life around. Give 'em a shot at it."
As they left the field that night, Coach Williams grabbed Coach Hogan and said to him: "You'll never know what your people did for these kids tonight. You'll never, ever know."

When the world looks at a Christian, the number one thing they should see is what was shown on a high school football field last fall in Texas.

Jesus said: "Let your light shine among men is such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

Let us do so.

Thanks to Coach Hogan for caring and sending that email.
Thanks to Coach Williams for his dedication and love for his guys.

When You Rise Up / When You Lie Down

Normally, when we hear the phrases “When you rise up” and “When you lie down,” visions of Deuteronomy 6 go through our heads. If they’re familiar to you, you think of parenting. If they’re not familiar to you, nothing may go through your head. Taking a different perspective, let’s look at them through the lens of marriage.

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? I mean before the shower, the breakfast, and the coffee. (Yes, something positive can actually happen before the coffee.) What’s the last thing you do before falling asleep? Here’s a very practical suggestion that can maximize two brief moments that repeat every day.

Even before getting out of bed, consider praying for each other. Men, pray for the day your wife is about to face. If you are familiar with her schedule or plans, pray specifically. If she’s teaching the children, pray for her patience and understanding. If she’s going to work outside the home, pray for her protection…for a project she’s working on…for God-centered thoughts throughout the day.

Ladies, pray for the day your husband is about to face. For meetings or appointments you know he’s going to have. Pray for safety, for Godward thoughts, for courage to share his faith.

All of this can take about 2 minutes. A simple whispered prayer, audibly spoken, not only encourages your spouse, but lays faith-filled petitions before the throne of God. Because this may be a new idea…praying before you even feel awake…let me suggest a couple of things.

- Keep it short: Long winded prayers as you wake up or lie down often initiate instant sleep for your spouse. Keep it short so they can participate.

- Be specific: You can only know if your prayers are answered if they’re specific. Pray for specific blessings and outcomes…and remember to ask how things turned out.

- Be wind conscious: If you’re truly praying first thing…before anything else…then you have not yet brushed your teeth. So, be thoughtful about the direction of your whispers. Remember, you want your prayerful words to bless your spouse.

And do the same as you lie down. After you turn out the lights, take a couple seconds to thank God for the day and for any answered prayers from that morning. If situations have developed in the home that day, pray for them…whether they are marital, parental or professional. Again…keep it short and be specific. Trusting that you’ve brushed your teeth before going to bed, be released from being wind conscious.

As you pray “When You Rise Up” and “When You Lie Down,” you may find that the very brief times of marital prayer lead to more extended times elsewhere in your day. Making prayer a part of your marriage is not hard…but it can make a real difference…for time and for eternity.

Living in Contentment Land

“How can they afford to finish their basement or add an addition to their house?” “Why is that family always able to take elaborate vacations while ours consists of sleeping on the floor of a tent?” “My ‘poor’ kids have to buy their own underwear and pay for their own college.” If I don’t guard my heart, I can easily find myself living in discontentment land rather than being satisfied within the boundaries of the pleasant place God has for me.

Contentment is something that I’ve struggled with on and off my entire life. Even in times of prosperity, I can be tempted to compare what I have with others or think that I need something that I don’t. And, it can be especially hard to be content when money is tight when surrounded by others who seem to have unlimited resources. But by the grace of God, I can thank Him for those struggles because He has used them to reveal to me that only God can satisfy my deepest longings and that my true, lasting joy is in Him.

When I’m tempted to be discontent, I try to take control of my thoughts in the following 3 ways:

1. By Being Thankful: Discontentment cannot exist with thankfulness. As soon as my mind begins to think about what others have that I don’t or what I wish that I could purchase, I have to begin recounting God’s goodness to me. As I start mentally listing all that I have to be thankful for, it doesn’t take long until my heart is filled with thankfulness rather than discontentment. Colossians 2:6 - 7

2. By Resting in God’s Sovereignty: The second thing that I’ve learned to do is to rest in God’s perfect provision for our family. I believe that God perfectly portions our income for what he wants to accomplish in our family. There is no way that I can estimate what God is doing in the hearts of my children through the financial “hardships” that they may feel. I don’t need to feel bad for them; I can instead trust God that He’s at work. Proverbs 3:5

3. By Focusing on Eternity: Earth is not my home. Everything that I have or will have will be rubbish. I want to live my life in such a way as to lay up treasures in heaven not on earth. When I can fix my eyes on glory, the things of this earth pale in comparison. Matthew 6:19 - 21

I have a long way to go in conquering the sin of discontentment. There will always be someone who has more or better things to “make” me discontent. I will never have enough stuff, because stuff will never satisfy. I have found, however, by redirecting my gaze, my heart can overflow with joy in all circumstances.

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5

A Prayer for Our Nation

Yesterday, Doug Hayes, one of our pastors and the Executive Director of Covenant Mercies, took some time in our morning worship to pray for our nation on Sanctity of Life Sunday. It captures with clarity and grace the heart of our church during a time of extraordinary events in our country. The following is the text of Doug’s prayer.

Heavenly Father, as we come to you on this Sunday when we acknowledge, in a special way, the Sanctity of Human Life, we remember that you – the Creator and sustainer of all life – have revealed yourself as a God of grace and a God of justice.

• You are merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love
• But you are also a God who refuses to take a position of neutrality when it comes to matters of justice.
• You have revealed yourself as One who stands with the oppressed and against the oppressor.
• And Lord, we rejoice at the ways in which we’ve seen your justice take hold, to a greater degree, in our society.
• This week – as we honored Martin Luther King on one day and inaugurated our first black President on the next – we were powerfully reminded of how far you have brought us as a society on issues of racial justice.
• When our President was born, not so long ago, a battle was raging in this land to determine whether he should be allowed to sit in a classroom with his white contemporaries.
• Today, he sits behind a desk called Resolute, in the Oval Office.
• Indeed, you have shed your grace upon this nation.
• We pray for President Obama, his administration, and his family. Protect his life. Give him wisdom. Bring him wise counselors, and give him the discernment to sift the wise from the foolish.
• We know that the king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord, and you direct it as a watercourse. Direct our President’s heart toward righteousness, and cause him to lead our nation in that way.
• As we pray for him, and as we thank you for what his presidency represents, our faith is emboldened to pray for justice on behalf of the unborn.
• You have changed the hearts and minds of this nation with regard to racial equity and racial justice.
• We pray today that you would open our eyes, change our hearts, and give us the courage to apply the same to the unborn.
• We must confess to you, Lord, that our laws and our practices in this area are unjust.
• But just as Martin Luther King refused to believe that the bank of justice was bankrupt for America’s citizens of color, we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt for the unborn.
• We refuse to believe this

- not because America is a great nation,
- not because we see morality gaining ground in our culture everyday,
- not because we believe in the inherent goodness of the American people
- not because we believe in our own capacity to come together and effect a historic change.

• We refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt for the unborn because you are a God of justice.
• You have revealed yourself as Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows.
• And though this world will always be filled with injustice, you have promised to work righteousness and justice on behalf of all who are oppressed.
• Do this on behalf of the unborn, we pray!
• Even as we pray for justice to prevail, we repent before you for the sin of 50 million abortions.
• These are staggering numbers; 50 million people, created in the image and likeness of God.
• As a nation, we have defied your rule and made an idol of our own self-determination.
• As your people, too often we have remained silent. Too often we’ve looked the other way as if this wasn’t happening all around us.
• Too often when we have spoken, we’ve spoken words of self-righteous indignation rather than words seasoned with your grace.
• Would you teach us to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly as it relates to this issue?
• And Lord, how we thank you that there is forgiveness for the sin of abortion
• We thank you that any in this room who have participated in abortion are forgiven of this sin and bear it no more if they’ve placed their faith in our merciful Savior.
• Thank you that though you are a God of justice, you have poured out justice on your Son so that we can receive mercy.
• You have been merciful to a rebellious and sinful people.
• You have opened our eyes to historic injustices.
• We ask you to open our eyes to the injustices of today, and have mercy on us as a people.

Amen

Overcoming our Forgetfulness

Editor’s Note: This post is a reflection upon the message Mark Prater preached on Sunday, January 11th. The message can be found by clicking here

So many of the posts on Family Friday are written for one of two purposes. First, to encourage parents in the challenge of parenting. Second, to teach or help parents do their job more effectively.

Sometimes though, as parents, we have to protect ourselves from our successes. Many parents in our church have wonderful families. We have children that are generally obedient, majorly respectful and a joy to have in our home. We have sought to parent them to the best of our ability. We certainly have room to grow and areas in need of improvement, but we seek to apply what we’ve learned and teach them what they need to know.

In the light of such success stories, we can be prone to sit back and consider the behavior and condition of our children primarily as fruit of our parenting. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

We read that and can be prone to thinking…even quietly… “well done.”

We would all do well to keep reading. Beginning in the very next verse, we are reminded that the blessings we receive are given from God. The fruit of our labors is from God. Then comes the strong caution in verse 12:

…take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

Here’s the truth of it…children who rebel are common. Obedient and respectful children are the exception. Why? Because people who rebel are common. Obedient and respectful people are an exception. And children are people.

So, how do we explain the preponderance of our successes? They are wells we did not dig…cities we did not build. They are direct gifts from the Lord, who will not allow his Word to return void.

Does God use our parenting to bring about these gifts? Yes, of course. Our intentional and prayerful parenting matters and is crucial…for our children and for us. However, we should never lose sight of who provides the growth…the blessing.

The very thing that could cause our forgetfulness also serves as the cure for our forgetfulness. When you catch your children obeying, or being respectful…when you hear from others that your children did something well…take care lest you forget the Lord. It is the Lord who provides the increase…and we as parents get front row seats.

Keep parenting…teaching your children diligently. But don’t forget the Lord. He is not just an ingredient necessary for good parenting. Through your faithfulness in parenting, He is the one providing the blessings.

Many Paths to Christ

I’m sitting in a counseling observation class. What’s a counseling observation class? It is a small group of students (like me) who watch a counselor do a series of counseling sessions with an individual or couple through previously recorded video. The goal is to interact with the experience of the counseling relationship and process. There are a lot of differences between this kind of formal setting and what I do as a pastor. But I find it tremendously helpful to peer into the experience and skill of another counselor. Particularly when that counselor is Ed Welch.

In the midst of this counseling situation we are observing, Ed is seeking to determine what path to take in counseling in a very complicated situation. Among a number of issues he can choose from for focus, he selects one. That makes sense. Good counseling technique. It’s what he says about it that floors me.

We’re going to choose this as the path that will lead us to Christ.

First of all, I’m thinking – how is that going to lead anywhere near Jesus? Then I realize. ‘No, is there any struggle we can have that somehow can’t find its resolution in Christ?’. Is there any problem that falls outside of his ability to save? Is there any person so far from Christ that He can’t carve out a trail to rescue? No! Everything we face is just the starting point of a path that can lead to Christ.

What are you facing right now? Difficult circumstances? Relational struggles in your family? Health concerns? Career frustration? Discouragement in your fight against sin? Brothers, no matter how bad it is, because of Christ, nothing you face is a dead end. Perhaps the Holy Spirit is simply helping you see the path of his choosing that will lead you to Christ.

Judgment, Mercy, and Liberty

Editor’s Note: Last week, many couples enjoyed the regional marriage conference Marriage and the Mercy of God. The serve as the impetus for this blog entry. You can find the outstanding messages for free download here.


For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13)

Mercy, judgment, and liberty. These three words serve as unlikely allies in this portion of James. Let’s discuss them in the order that we often confront them and see just how God weaves these together for His glorious purposes in our marriage.

Before judgment comes, we must first receive or perceive an offense. And so, one comes. A husband fails to fix the curtains in the bedroom…a wife fails to launder the right pair of pants. Perhaps a harsh word is spoken, a mean action taken, or silence resides where there ought to be speaking. In any case, we get offended.

Our initial reaction is first with judgment. He doesn’t love me enough…she doesn’t think of me enough. His words always hurt…her actions always sting. Judgment leads to anger, which leads to bitterness, which almost certainly leads to retaliating with overt sin or passive withdrawal. Judgment has run its course, and the end of the road is not very appealing.

Reach back with me, then, to our initial reaction. What if, rather than judgment, we responded with mercy. As we do, let’s agree on what mercy is:

Mercy is the kind, sympathetic, and forgiving treatment of others that works to relieve their distress and to cancel their debt. - Paul Tripp

Okay, we’ve just been offended. A husband leaves clothes on the floor…a wife throws away papers she was asked to save. We have the “right” to be offended…the facts are on our side and the judgment, if passed, would fall to our favor. Yet, we respond with mercy. We apply the kind, sympathetic, and forgiving treatment that seeks to relieve distress and cancel debt.

We avoid making conclusions and we overlook…we move on…we don’t harbor our wounded pride. Mercy leads to forgiveness, which leads to peace, which almost certainly leads to liberty…and there we are. Though we began the path with the same step…the offense…we ended up somewhere very different. Rather than retaliation or withdrawal, we end up at liberty…a far more appealing destination.

Could this be what James was getting at? Could this be the reason that mercy triumphs over judgment? Yes it could…but something is missing.

Before we choose between mercy or judgment, we all must first begin with remembering. We must remember the mercy that was poured out on us and the judgment that was poured out on Christ. We must remember that, in God’s economy, there is no contradiction between mercy and judgment.

In fact, in order to rescue us from our sin, judgment and mercy had to be poured out. Our sin judged on the sinless Savior and His righteousness bestowed in mercy on us.

It’s no wonder James precedes v13 with v12:

So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty.

Or, as John put it in his first epistle:

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:11)

As we remember, mercy will triumph over judgment. We get to give away to our spouse what we have received from our Savior…mercy.

An Enlightened Spelling Lesson for this Teacher

I was in the middle of a spelling lesson with Rosie when she came over to crawl up into my lap and snuggle. I would like to say that I pulled her up into my lap and showered her with loves, but instead I gave her a little lecture and said, “Now, if you were in school, would you be able to just climb into the teacher’s lap in between each spelling word?” She dutifully climbed down with a somber face and got ready for her next word, pencil poised.

My conscience took over quickly and by God’s grace, I recovered and said, “But we’re here and you can crawl into this teacher’s lap because I’m your mom!” Her face lit up and as she came near again, I scooped her into my arms and squeezed her tight, whispering little nothings in her ear – a little recess we both needed.

I didn’t think much more of the whole incident until the next day during my devotions. I read Galatians 4: 6, “And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!” As I scribbled in my journal some thoughts, I was overwhelmed with the Father’s love for me. It is true that with the Father –child relationship comes authority and truth (sometimes hard truths) and the call to obedience and even discipline. But oh the blessings which attend such a relationship--- the closeness, affection, and encouragement. And finally the commitment and love. He will never walk away but is steadfast towards me as He demonstrated once and for all on the Cross.

I am truly blessed. Despite the trouble which abounds in this sinful world and my own sinful heart, “my Abba, Father,” is Ruler over all of it. What could be a greater reality? It’s not just that He exists or even that He is some relative. He is my Father, personal and dear. That is truly good news and encouragement for this teacher who can never stop being a mom.

Standing at a Crossroads

This week as a nation we stand at the crossroads. A new president will be inaugurated. That president, Barak Obama, will bring a democratic administration into power and usher out a Republican administration. But as we all know, there is a far more significant crossroads before us than a change in political parties. President Obama will be a man of color in the White House – representing the will of the people to govern in difficult times. These are truly remarkable times.

Mr. Obama’s path to the White House is a reflection of this crossroads. It is a coincidence of the calendar that he will take office the day after we celebrate Martin Luther King’s Birthday. Dr. King’s work in many ways led to this moment. It is a symbolic choice that the President elect chose to retrace the Illinois to Washington train route taken by Abraham Lincoln when he took office nearly a century and a half ago.

It would be a great gift to this country if Barak Obama could, in the months and years ahead, rise to the stature of these men he is linked with through coincidence and choice. Let’s pray that this is exactly what happens. And may the following reflections on the character of a leader be found in some measure embodied in our new president.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and conveniences, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. (Martin Luther King)

It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong…. Nearly all men can stand adversity. But if you want to test a man's character - give him power. (Abraham Lincoln)

Prayer, The Weapon of Choice

Editor’s Note: In light of the message Jared Mellinger preached on 1/4/09, we’re continuing an additional week on prayer in parenting.

Do you have a child who is struggling to overcome a pattern of sin in their lives? If you are a parent you probably answered “yes.” Whether you are trying to figure out a way to keep your daughter in bed after you lay her down at night or you are constantly reminding a teenage son about his disrespectful attitude, all families experience recurring patterns of sin in the lives of their children.

As a pastor, I get to hear a lot of stories: “My child just won’t do their school work, all they want to do is play computer games.” “All they do is fight.” “He lied to me again.” The list could go on. There is however an interesting phrase many parents share with me as they describe their dilemma. “We’ve tried everything,” they say with exhaustion then go on to recite a laundry list of things they’ve tried. “We’ve given the rod, we’ve taken away their privileges, we’ve tried written confessions, going to bed early, doubling their chores, and still nothing seems to be working.”

Often prayer is last on the list, “All we can do is pray,” or not on the list at all. My wife and I have been through the same challenges with our children. One of the things I’ve learned, though, is prayer is not the weapon of last resort. Prayer is the weapon of choice. Consider changing your strategy with your children to include prayer right from the start. Here are a few things to consider:

- Pray daily for your children and ask God to help them with their current struggles.

- Pray with your children, asking God to help them overcome their particular battle with sin. (And leading them to ask God themselves.)

- Examine your own heart in prayer. Sometimes the work God is doing has more to do with our growth and sanctification than our children’s.

- Expect God to pour out his grace for change on their lives and simply be faithful to discipline your child in love and then watch. (Check out Andy’s blog from last week for more on this point.)

- Never lose sight of the gospel when sin strikes. Every discipline session is an opportunity to take your children back to the gospel.

The greatest change we have seen in our children has not come from our work through discipline, but has come through God’s work of grace in their hearts. Don’t give up discipline or creative ways to lead your children in the midst of their sin, but take up prayer like a soldier takes up his rifle; he wouldn’t go into battle without it. As he walks cautiously on the battlefield it is the first thing to part the brush. It’s not hanging on his shoulder as a last resort, but leading his way through every trial.

A Hero From History

It’s been awhile, maybe years, since I’ve read anything by my historical hero. Recently, I went back to rediscover what originally got me jazzed. Wow; this stuff is incredible. I’ve never read anyone so overwhelmed and dazzled by the God-man Christ Jesus. I get so familiar with the Lord, and easily lose my grasp of the glory of our Savior. It’s time to climb the mount of transfiguration again, and have the roof blown off my concept of God.

Nobody does that for me like Samuel Rutherford. He’s not exactly a household name. He was Scottish, born in a farm family in the 1600’s. He studied at Old St. Andrews and became a Presbyterian pastor. Rutherford was a significant participant in the Westminster Assembly. Interestingly, one of his published works which attacked the divine right of earthly kings and proclaimed God the only true sovereign became one of the significant underlying theories of modern democracy. He died being chased down by the English monarchy (no wonder) saying that he couldn’t appear before the royal prosecutor because he had a prior summons before the Holy Judge.

Not much is left of his pastoral writing and works except his letters. But what letters! Spurgeon valued them as much as anything outside the Bible. Rutherford was a pastor, but had been exiled from his congregation due to persecution. He wrote to his congregants from there. The thing that hit me for the first time the other day was to realize, wow, we still have these letters! The people he wrote to obviously felt that he had something eternally valuable to say. The letters survived long enough for someone to come along much later and collect them, so that they could be preserved in a single volume. Here is a sample from a letter I just read:

O, come all and drink at this living well; come, drink and live forevermore; come, drink and welcome; welcome says our fairest Bridegroom; no man finds any ill will in Christ; no man comes and is not welcome; no man comes and regrets his voyage; all men speak well of Christ, who have been with Him; men and angels who know Him will say more than I now do, and think more of Him than they can say.

Before you go to Amazon and think about buying the book (there are at least two actually), I’ll warn you that he gets a little dense, due to obscure Scottish words. My wife kindly bought me a short, abridged version of some of his letters, called “The Loveliness of Christ”, edited by Sinclair Ferguson, which just came out in 2007. It’s very short and very readable. You can find it here. I’m so thankful for the heroes that went before us who inspire our faith, and lately, especially, for Samuel Rutherford.