See God in Love

Saturday night Rob Flood spoke to the Cross Culture Youth from 1 John 4:7-12. He brought out a very helpful perspective from verse 12: No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

Here’s some of what Rob said,

“When Christ was here, God’s love was manifest through Him. He ascended and sent His Spirit, so now He lives in us. He abides in us. His love can be manifest though us. The love with which Christ loved is available to us now. With God Himself living in us, we are now the vehicles of God’s love to the world. He who lives in us loves through us.

By our loving one another, God is making the invisible God visible. God is love, and He manifests His love in us. The God who lives in us loves through us.

In his systematic theology, Robert Culver underscores this truth:

“Our love for God and other people is both evidence and fruit of God’s indwelling presence in us and is the means God uses to reveal His holiness and love to the world.” Robert Duncan Culver p.103

It’s not that Jesus loves us, so we have to love others. It is that we love others because God is in us…and God is love. God’s heart is to manifest Himself through His love…through us. We become an active player in the process of God being made manifest in the world.

He who lives in us loves through us. If His love is not coming through us, we must visit the first part…is He living in us? It is the very reason John said in verse 7, “whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” If the love of God flows through a man, then God lives in that man. If the love of God flows through a woman, then God lives in that woman. God’s love demands a way and manifests itself through how His people love one another.

So, that difficult person you work with…That family member who constantly rubs you the wrong way…That parent (or that child) that you’re certain won’t ever understand you…That friend who wronged you, and maybe doesn’t even know it…How do you love him? How do you love her?

First of all, understand and take comfort in the fact that you’re not in it alone. God is with you. But He’s not standing on the sideline like a coach hoping the players can pull it off this time. He’s not a cheering Dad in the crowd. He is there with you, empowering you, giving you the love you’ll need to carry out the call He’s placed on your life to love others.”

Why is this possible? Because of verse 10.

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.


You can listen to the entire message here in a few days.

Enjoying a Dirty Manger

From the time I get home from work to the time the children go to bed, our house is a constant ball of motion. From loud and boisterous greetings of Dad’s homecoming to preparing for dinner, to eating dinner, to bedtime routines, to reading, to tucking in, the pace can give a healthy person whiplash. Then, as we settle into the night, we realize just how many toys, crafts, and socks have not been put away. (What is it with socks, anyway?)

Just the other night, I was commenting to Gina about the children’s mess when she quoted me Proverbs 14:4.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

I have to admit, I did not at first see the relevance. However, resting in my confidence in Gina’s spiritual acumen, I thought a bit harder.

Oxen are messy…and stinky, too. If your goal is a clean manger, then “no oxen” is the way to go. However, if your goal is a clean manger you’ll miss all of the blessings that come with oxen.

Here is the parallel for those not yet tracking with me.

Where there are no children, the house is clean, but abundant blessings come through the gift of children.

Children are messy…and sometimes stinky, too. If your goal is a clean house, then “no children” is the way to go. However, once you’ve achieved your clean house, you will miss all of the blessings that come with children.

So, the next time you are overwhelmed with the clutter created by your little ones, or the preponderance of socks strewn about the house, remember how to interpret them. They are small signs that point to a great blessing in your home. They are little love notes from God reminding you of how He loves you and has expressed that love through the gift of the little oxen that fill your home.

And when your heart of hearts wants nothing more than a clean manger, go and kiss the oxen on the head. After that, their stinky mess won’t seem so bad.

Directionally Challenged, Yet Grateful

Some guys I know really get into driving. You may know some, too. If you’ve gone on a road trip with them, they’re the guys who print out the maps, use a highlighter to show the routes you’ll take, and you can pretty much forget about leading the caravan. They’re out in front of that baby, hands down. I’m not that guy. I love that guy. I’m grateful when I drive with or behind that guy; I’m just not that guy. In fact, that guy probably would get easily angered if I tried to be that guy.

One of the first memories my wife and I shared together was when we went to Georgia for my college graduation. After a great weekend of celebrating, we planned to catch our return flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia. The Atlanta airport, we were told, was notorious for having long lines and we were encouraged to get there early. We left plenty of time to drive the airport, drop off our rental car and get to our gate for boarding. As we were driving to the airport reminiscing about the weekend it dawned on my wife that it had been a while since she had seen anything but farmland.

“If the airport’s in Atlanta, shouldn’t we be seeing skyscrapers or at least some large buildings by now?”

She then quickly got out the map and found that we had been traveling a good 45 minutes in the wrong direction. I’d love to tell you at this point that this was my one and only major driving catastrophe. It would be great to report that since this pleasant-turned-panic attack trip to the Atlanta airport I’ve not once made such stupid mistakes. The problem is I’d be flat out lying if I did.

It would be truthful, however, to say that my wife has made very few driving blunders. She is great with directions and I am convinced that I’ve become a better driver because of her. She also happens to be the person in my life that God has used most profoundly to teach me about grace. From her I have received incredible love, patience, and mercy which can only be attributed to the grace of God at work in her life. She helps me to be a better father, a better son and brother, a better friend, and ultimately a better servant of Christ. In my wife God has given to me a daily, flesh and bones reminder that “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17).

As the men of Covenant Fellowship Church let us express gratitude to God for the gifts He has given to us in our wives. We should consider the ways our lives are enriched, balanced, and enjoyed because of the grace of God that comes daily to us through our wives. And may we always trace the blessing of our spouse back to the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, which purchased for us every good thing from the hand of God.

The Key Ingredient

Everyday in our home, Gina is called to the same task, multiple times. She is called to respond out of mercy and not out of revenge. She is called to live with this sinning husband and look favorably upon him, loving him despite the sin she sees. She is called to have mercy in marriage…and mercy for marriage.

The word “mercy” is defined as follows: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power.

Note the ingredients required for mercy. First, there must be an offending person. Someone has to do something wrong. Second, there must be an offended person. This is the person that the offending person offended. Then, the offended person must add the last ingredient of compassion. So the equation looks like this:

Offender + Offended + Compassion = Mercy

We’ve all been the offender, so we’ve got that one covered. Recalling a time when I offended someone, my wife in particular, is not a difficult task.

We’ve all been offended, so we’ve got that one covered, too. Think back to the last time it happened to you. As I think back, I don’t have to go very far for that one either.

Even with the Offender and the Offended in place, however, we do not yet have mercy. Look again at the equation…we’re missing the final ingredient. Now, if the Offended brings the final ingredient of anger, the equation comes out differently.

Offender + Offended + Anger = Revenge

If the Offended brings the final ingredient of self pity, we have yet another equation:

Offender + Offended + Self Pity = Victim

But, if the Offended brings the final ingredient of compassion, now we’re cooking:

Offender + Offended + Compassion = Mercy

We would do well, as spouses, to consider not how often we’ve received offense but just how often we’ve given offense. And not just offending our spouse, but our God, who has never been the offender and yet has boundless mercy upon us.

The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.
Psalm 145:9

As married sinners desiring to extend the mercy of God, how can we grow in mercy? How can we apply to our spouse the mercy we’ve received?

Marriage and the Mercy of God is a Sovereign Grace regional conference created to help us achieve this very goal. And registration for this conference is coming to a close. Though the event is in January, the registration closes on November 30th. If you’re interested in registering, visit the website by going to mercy4marriage.org

Richard Sibbes, in his book The Bruised Reed, wrote:

It would be a good contest amongst Christians, one to labour to give no offence, and the other to labour to take none. The best men are severe to themselves, tender over others."

So, whether you register for and attend the conference or not, let’s take part in the good contest of laboring to give no offense, laboring to take none, and laboring, finally, to look severely upon our own tendency to offend and tenderly upon others’ tendency to offend.

And, don’t forget to bring the compassion…it is the key ingredient.

Uprooting those Weeds!

A little fable of this past summer.

I took a good look at my front yard, and the weeds were doing a splendid job at what they do. I knew I needed to get in there soon and clear them out. It’s a hot, tiring, and back-breaking job - not one of my favorite things to do! But God had an additional weeding assignment for me that day as well. Let me explain. I had a coffee date with my oldest daughter, Sarah. As we sat down, we both knew we might touch on a recurring topic upon which we disagreed. And so we did very shortly. We talked amiably, but the tension mounted. There seemed to be no bridge in sight. I felt as though I had some wisdom that she needed, so I continued to press my point and give multiple examples that I thought would persuade her. When that didn’t work, I pulled out the “I am still your mother” card and wielded my authority. That kind of shut things down as one would expect, so we left Starbucks quiet and at odds.

I discussed the matter with my husband when I got home and let down my guard a little more. Consequently, my anger became more noticeable, and I even turned it towards him at certain moments. I went to bed troubled, and the next morning during my devotions I was still angry. As I sat there, Bible in hand, a muscle spasm went down my neck and back like a tightened rubber band. Now I was in pain and angry! I cried out to the Lord for help and his forgiving and enabling grace.

Later that day, I was reading the book, "Uprooting Anger", by Robert D. Jones, and I came to the well-known passage in James 4:1 “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” My passions, or as Jones calls them “ruling desires,” were at the root of my anger. In this case, I wanted – or rather demanded – Sarah’s agreement and eager compliance. It wasn’t so much that my desire itself was wrong. I truly still believe that I was offering her biblical wisdom. It’s just that this desire for her to embrace that wisdom and change accordingly had become something I could not live without. Jones calls it “God-playing,” which is declaring that “my kingdom has come and my will be done.” In my heart, I was desiring to rule Sarah and the situation, and now ironically this desire was ruling me.

As I read further, I came to the rest of that passage in James, verse 6 “But He gives us more grace” –one of the most wonderful passages in the Bible. So, I prayed for more grace to enable me to submit my desires to the Lord and lay them down before His throne. I claimed one of the prayers in Jones’ book and made it my own, “Lord, I don’t have to have these things. I realize that in Christ I don’t need them, although I often live as though I do. Father, forgive me. Thank you for the blood of Jesus your Son that paid for all my sins...” As Jones suggested, I also took time to meditate and ask myself, “How does God want me to deal with this situation the next time it occurs?” I want to uproot this ruling desire that fuels my anger. Interestingly enough, I did weed my garden that day—uprooting weed after weed. I hope that’s a sign that I’m on the right track.

What are your ruling desires? Does your garden need a little weeding as well? Read James 4, and I heartily recommend Jones’ book. May you find God’s grace abundant as you explore your heart and your garden.

The Gospel…And all its difficulties

In his classic study of 1 Cor. 13, "Charity and Its Fruits", Jonathan Edwards reminds us that to receive the Gospel is to receive all that comes with it, which can include things we’d rather not accept. The Gospel of grace is a full Gospel – it is the greatest message of joy in the universe, but it is also the deepest message of cost in the universe as well.


"He that does not receive the Gospel with all its difficulties does not receive it as it is proposed to him. He that does not receive Christ with his crosses as well as his crown, does not truly receive him at all. It is true that Christ invites us to come to him to find rest, and to buy wine and milk; but then he also invites us to come and take up the cross, and that daily, and that we may follow him; and if we come only to accept the former, we do not in truth accept the offer of the Gospel, for both go together, the rest and the yoke, the cross and the crown; and it will signify nothing, that, in accepting only the one, we accept what God has never offered to us. They that receive only the easy part of Christianity, and not the difficult, at best are but almost Christians; while they that are wholly Christians receive the whole of Christianity, and thus shall be accepted and honoured, and not cast out with shame, at the last day." (259)
\

Meaningful Ministry

Every group of people has their own vernacular. Here at CFC, we have “observations” that we share with other and “evidences of grace” that we see in each other. We get “released” from meetings and we don’t just say “thanks.” No, we say “thanks for serving.” Before coming to Covenant Fellowship Church, and to Sovereign Grace Ministries, Gina and I walked in different circles. One common phrase in one of those circles was “meaningful ministry.”

You may ask, how could any ministry lack meaning? This, of course, is a good question, but not what they meant. This term applied to mothers. “Meaningful ministry” is what mothers experienced when they left their home and took part in evangelism or discipleship or Bible study. So, the picture was that a mom with young children would have to leave her home, and her children, to go take part in “meaningful ministry.”

I understand where that comes from. It can be far less fulfilling changing diapers or cleaning up the living room floor (for the seventh time) than it does leading someone to Christ or counseling a troubled sister. There is a temptation to see that type of ministry as meaningful and the “home” orientation of a mother’s life as mundane. Or, perhaps, the constancy of home life seems dull compared to the fulfillment that awaits participating in the workforce.

There is nothing quite like an eternal perspective to fix the sorrows or challenges of today. To that end, consider these words from Samuel Rutherford:


How soon will some few years pass away, and then when the day is ended, and this life’s lease expires, what have men of the world’s glory, but dreams and thoughts? O happy soul for evermore, who can rightly compare this life with that long-lasting life to come, and can balance the weighty glory of the one with the light golden vanity of the other.

A time is coming when the golden vanity of this life will pass and we take only the eternal into the life to come. The eyes experience clarity when gazing at what is truly of value as “life’s lease expires.” In that moment, the mundane rigors of home life glisten brightly. Each task done, each nose wiped, each diaper changed, each correction and each discussion serve as bricks. When assembled, they form the lives of our children…the one truly eternal possession we’ve been charged with.

When we lose sight of eternity, the loud, shrill voices of daily urgencies drown eternal perspective…and our faith for it. But, when we view our children as possessers of eternal souls, the weighty glory of the long-lasting life serves as ample motivation for each brick.

According to Samuel Rutherford, the soul that can rightly understand this life compared to that one…this temporal glory compared to that eternal, weighty one…will be a happy soul. And that mother, up to her eye balls in mundane bricks, will find herself surrounded my meaningful ministry…greatly meaningful indeed.

Philly Rephlections

It’s been a week since I woke up in a world where a Philadelphia sports team has a won a championship. I kind of like the feeling. But I’ve also had a chance to take a breath and consider what will linger with me in years to come. Here are some things that come to mind.

• I think the Jamie Moyer story is a great one. As a kid he skipped school to go to the 1980 World Series Championship Parade. Twenty-eight years later he is riding in it himself. By all accounts Moyer is a class guy who seems to have a humble appreciation for the opportunity he has to be playing ball at age 45. Hope he finishes his career here.

• Brad Lidge has nerves of steel. He also seems, judging from his comments in the midst of the victory celebration on the field after Game 5, to be a genuine believer. His short, but very natural and sincere, expression of thanks to Jesus Christ in a scene of bedlam got my attention. Interesting how that little video clip doesn’t show up in the network highlights. It does in mine.

• Being originally from the Deep South, I actually understand what Charlie Manual is saying. He talks like all my relatives from the Appalachian hills. When he opens his mouth I feel a little closer to home.

• A world championship in baseball won’t change hearts, won’t end poverty and racism and crime in the city. But it might give folks something to talk about when nothing else seems appropriate. And it will make wearing bright red cool – at least for a while.

• My enduring memory? Being able to sit in my father-in-law Walt’s hospital room with my son Grant and watch the Phillies win the World Series. Walt has been in a hospital bed for four months now. More often than not, if I’ve seen a great sports event in the past 25 years, it’s been with Walt. Apart from being physically at the game, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. To be in that small room huddling next to a twelve inch screen, trying not to make too much noise during quiet hours, was a privilege and a blast.

What are your enduring memories of this World Series? What memories will you pass on?

When Being Right is All Wrong

Meet Justin and Paula. They’ve been married for nearly 15 years, most of which have been wonderful years. Recently, though, conflict has been the order of the day. Not war-to-end-all-wars conflict. Just little skirmishes here or there over this small thing or that. Right now, as you read this, they are at the end of another conflict. Paula is in the privileged position of being right…there is no doubt left for either of them that Justin is wrong.

As they go back to their neutral corners (Justin to the TV room and Paula to the bedroom), they both realize that they don’t feel any better now than when the whole thing started. Justin’s not supposed to feel better…he was proven wrong. But Paula won the fight…the joy of vindication and accomplishment is quickly fading and she’s feeling unsettled again…as usual.

Why does Paula still feel hollow and Justin still feel defeated?

Might I suggest an answer? Could it be they’re competing for the wrong prize and, to their own detriment, actually winning it?

You see, Justin and Paula, in their recent history of combat, have been fighting to determine who is right and who is wrong. And the winner is the one with the high ground of the facts being on their side…the right one. But the prize never makes good on the promises it makes.

Determining who is right and who is wrong will never resolve marital conflict. Let me repeat that. Determining who is right and who is wrong will never resolve marital conflict. You see, in order to “win” the chronic fight that they are engaged in, they must turn away from each other and then turn on each other. They have to set themselves up against each other and then attack each other. Someone must “win” and someone must “lose,” and that is no “win” at all.

Think of it another way. We were once embattled against God. Who had the moral high ground? Who had the facts on their side? Well, that would be God. But that didn’t resolve the problem…it WAS the problem. The enmity between us was resolved only by a cross. It was resolved by love and by mercy. It was resolved out of grace. This is what Justin and Paula need.

They need motivations that are for the betterment of the other. They need to be willing to be wronged and love anyway. They need to be willing to be right, but not make that the main issue. If there is enmity between them, resolving the enmity is the goal…not proving who is right or wrong.

It’s not that the facts don’t matter, but they only matter in the greater context of the right prize…the prize of holy oneness. When oneness is the goal of a marriage, suddenly turning on each other is folly…not a strategy. It is destructive…not victorious.

When Justin and Paula understand the need for the cross to have its effect on their marriage, their warfare will be transformed. They will no longer be fighting against each other, but alongside each other after the proper goal of oneness.

And, by the way, the cross will have the same effect in your marriage, too. That’s what the cross does…it destroys enmity and replaces it with grace.

How do I say, “I love you…?”

I did something unpredictable today…I made breakfast for my family on a weekday. That is unusual. We normally do “serve yourself” cereal and toast during the week, but on this particular morning my family woke up to the smell of baked oatmeal and enjoyed it as an additional choice. Though this was a small effort for me, perhaps an additional 5-6 minutes from mixing bowl to oven, it was a huge deal to my family. And I’ve been pondering why. I think that even more significant than what I did is the fact that I surprised them with something, and it communicated “I love you” in a special way—more special than mere words.


As wives and mothers, we can get so caught up in the routines and busy-ness of our lives that we forget how important it is to communicate our affections to our families. Words are important—we should never cease telling our families just how much we love them. But how much more effective when we demonstrate that love in a special way! If you think about it, that’s how God expresses his love for us. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son…” (John 3:16). He demonstrated his love in a tangible way by sending Christ. And daily, his mercies, his grace, his presence, and his help serve as tangible reminders of his love.


Our husbands and children need tangible reminders of our love and affection for them. And these reminders don’t need to be big or expensive. It’s quite often the little “surprises” in daily life mean the most! I am always looking for fresh ideas. Here are some things I’ve tried…ways to break the routine with a special surprise that says, “I love you” …

• Make breakfast for dinner (“second breakfast” hobbit style!)
• Serve dessert first at dinner.
• Include an “I love you” sentiment in a packed lunch.
• Hide a little encouragement note in folded laundry.
• Instead of serving dessert, make it together as a family.
• Make pizza together instead of buying it. Let your children choose the toppings.
• Eat a normal weekday dinner on fine china in the dining room. Let your kids dress for dinner!
• Make a holiday dessert for a regular day.
• Take a surprise trip out for ice cream…kids in pjs!
• Make a sign that says, “Good morning, I love you” backwards and tape it on the wall opposite the bathroom mirror. It will read correctly in the mirror! (I can’t take credit for this one…my husband recently did this for me—it works!)

Expressing our love for our husbands and children in tangible ways leaves tangible fingerprints of our love on their hearts. It strengthens our family ties and builds a storehouse of precious memories of just how much mom loves them!

Beyond the Ballot Box

Tomorrow is Election Day – the end of the long campaign trail. One thing is for certain. In about 48 hours or less (barring another chad count) we will know who will lead our country for the next four years. We also know that roughly half the country will be very optimistic about our country’s prospects, while the other half will wonder with varying degrees of anxiety what the future holds.


As we are in this current series, “Shine”, we’re learning about Christians who lived in cultures where the right to vote would have been unthinkable. So as we go to the polls (everybody vote!) let’s keep their reality in mind. Commentator Sam Storms has written a wonderful devotional on Revelation 2 and 3, "To the One Who Conquers". Here’s some great perspective from Dr. Storms for the politics of our day.


“Make no mistake: I’m eternally grateful for the laws that safeguard our rights, and I consistently vote for those candidates who are social, fiscal, and moral conservatives. But have we come so to depend on such political blessings, economic liberties, and the legal protection Christianity enjoys that in their absence we fear the destruction of the church and the silencing of our witness?


The church in Ephesus, as with so many other congregations in the first century, knew nothing of a constitution, a first amendment, or a right to vote. Yet they survived, and thrived, in the midst of what strikes us as unimaginable state-sanctioned idolatry and immortality. Before we panic or lose heart at the state of our state, or the condition of our city, we would do well to remember the promise of Jesus: ‘I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it’ (Matt. 16:18).” (p. 27)

Emphasizing the Wrong syl-LAB-le

Ridicule. It’s a serious word with very serious implications. In my past, I have a very memorable encounter with that word, that was something short of life-changing and altogether different than what was intended.

I was a junior in high school and attending our church youth group. A senior was sharing with us a devotional that was intended to lead the youth group toward greater acceptance and tolerance of each other. However, in the height of irony, during her devotional, she consistently stressed the wrong syllable of the word “ridicule” and said, instead, the word “re-DIC-ule.” The word sounded just like the word “re-pickle” along with its various forms of “re-pickled” and “re-pickling.”

To give you a flavor, a sample sentence went something like this: “We all have to stop re-DIC-uling each other and admit that we don’t like it when we’re re-DIC-uled, either.”

The first 3 or 4 times, the crowd of about 100 teens went from confused to gracious. At first, we didn’t know what she was saying. Then, we figured she was nervous and was just misreading. However, somewhere around the 15th mention of “re-DIC-ule,” youthful silliness got the best of us. Giggling turned to crying and several pulled stomach muscles from holding in the hilarity.

The content of this poor girl’s devotional was excellent, I’m sure. However, in the oft repeated singular mistake of her presentation, the content was lost and a memory created.

I do wonder, how much of our good content in parenting is missed because we stress the wrong syl-LAB-le. We can be prone to stress obedience, cooperation, service, even humility. Yet, all the while, missing grace.

Without grace, obedience can become legalism, cooperation can become coercion, service becomes servitude and humility can become subservience. Without grace, all of our intentions of good and godliness can be misinterpreted or missed altogether.

When we stress the wrong syl-LAB-le by missing grace, we present our children with a skewed perspective on who God is. They may fail to see their acceptance as solely based on the grace of God and rather see it as based on their responses to God.

Grace is love and acceptance that happens when justice is deserved. Grace is the choice of love in the face of wrong doing. Grace is the expression of a compassionate heart. Grace is the great distinguisher of our faith and the great characteristic of our God. It ought to find its way into our homes through our parenting and it ought to be the one trait that our children see when they look back on their experience in our homes.

So, if you are tempted to stress dis-cip-LINE, or o-be-DI-ance, or even RE-spect, consider changing your stressed syl-LAB-le to grace. Not only will it lead to a better, happier home, but it only has one syllable, so it’s very tough to mispronounce.

Your Father’s God

Tim Challies recently posted a quote on his blog by 19th Century Missionary John Paton. It is a very moving description of Paton’s departure for training to be a missionary, where the young man describes the parting of ways between him and his father. It brings home to me that my fathering finds its tearful joy when we release our children into their future in God, whether that is in marriage, or in mission.


My dear father walked with me the first six miles of the way. His counsels and tears and heavenly conversation on that parting journey are fresh in my heart as if it had been but yesterday; and tears are on my cheeks as freely now as then, whenever memory steals me away to the scene. For the last half mile or so we walked on together in almost unbroken silence - my father, as was often his custom, carrying hat in hand, while his long flowing yellow hair (then yellow, but in later years white as snow) streamed like a girl's down his shoulders. His lips kept moving in silent prayers for me; and his tears fell fast when our eyes met each other in looks for which all speech was vain! We halted on reaching the appointed parting place; he grasped my hand firmly for a minute in silence, and then solemnly and affectionately said: "God bless you, my son! Your father's God prosper you, and keep you from all evil!"



Unable to say more, his lips kept moving in silent prayer; in tears we embraced, and parted. I ran off as fast as I could; and, when about to turn a corner in the road where he would lose sight of me, I looked back and saw him still standing with head uncovered where I had left him - gazing after me. Waving my hat in adieu, I rounded the corner and out of sight in instant. But my heart was too full and sore to carry me further, so I darted into the side of the road and wept for time. Then, rising up cautiously, I climbed the dike to see if he yet stood where I had left him; and just at that moment I caught a glimpse of him climbing the dike and looking out for me! He did not see me, and after he gazed eagerly in my direction for a while he got down, set his face toward home, and began to return - his head still uncovered, and his heart, I felt sure, still rising in prayers for me. I watched through blinding tears, till his form faded from my gaze; and then, hastening on my way, vowed deeply and oft, by the help of God, to live and act so as never to grieve or dishonor such a father and mother as he had given me.


This excerpt is taken from Paton’s autobiography, John G. Paton, D.D., Missionary to the New Hebrides. An Autobiography.

Thanks to Tim Challies for this post

Happy Birthday to…Us

It was one year ago today when we launched the Family Life Blog.

On behalf of the Family Life team of pastors, thank you for coming back as often as you do to continue to learn and grow. Thank you to those who have contributed posts and to those who have submitted comments.

We hope you’ve found this to be a helpful resource throughout our first year and we are committed to walking alongside you as we all grow in the knowledge and grace of Christ.

To God be the glory!

Through Good Times and Bad

Editor’s Note: The following story is a reduced retelling of a story recorded in I Still Do: Stories of Lifelong Love and Marriage by David Boehi. You can read the whole story by clicking here.

We’ve all made this promise to our spouse when we were married, and some of us have been tested with pretty bad times. Yet, there is something encouraging to our own marriages when we see another couple making hard choices in their stance for faithfulness and their reliance upon God. Floyd and Diana Green qualify.

They were married for 24 years and on a romantic trip together, riding bikes in the California sun. Their marriage was characterized by closeness and passion, a real harmonic relationship. Suddenly, as they shared memories and gratitude to God for their marriage, a car veered out of control, glanced Diana’s bike and plowed right into Floyd.

Once Diana realized what had happened, she ran up to Floyd only to find him gravely injured. Once the paramedics were called, Diana prayed a prayer of remarkable faith:

“God, I don’t have any right to demand anything of you. WE have had the happiest and the most blessed life and marriage of anyone I know. You don’t owe us anything. If it is our turn to be called to suffer, give me the grace to be able to do it in ways that exalt you. Whatever you have for us, I will receive.”

Wow.

She went on to pray for Floyd to be healed. Several hours later, Diana found out that Floyd would live, but had certainly suffered brain damage. He was unconscious as he lay in his hospital bed when Diana did what only faith could make a person do. Before God and beside her wounded husband, Diana renewed her vows and concluded with this:

“Whatever man wakes up from this, he will be my husband, and I will love him all the days of my life.”

Wow.

Well, Floyd woke up remarkably well, but remarkably different. In the accident, he lost his sense of smell and taste, which the Green’s found humorous. However, he also lost his drive and confidence. He lost his emotional strength and his desire to communicate on a deep and intimate level. Floyd woke up from his trauma, but he woke up a different man. And Diana was married to a different person.

It is 13 years later now, and Floyd and Diana are still married. They teach marriage and parenting seminars and they share the story of God’s grace before the accident, and His grace after the accident. As author Dave Boehi states, “Their first marriage was founded on their trust in the Lord, and no matter how different their relationship was now, their faith had not wavered.”

God is powerful to exalt His name through His power on His behalf. It is His joy to do this in marriage. It is His joy to do this in your marriage…just like He did in the Green’s marriage. God delights to see His children rely upon Him in faith…through good times and bad.

All quotes are taken from I Still Do: Stories of Lifelong Love and Marriage by David Boehi, pages 61-69.

A Weapon in my Arsenal

This is a blog entry that, if written by a man, would start with some inspiring military analogy about using the right weapon. But you’ve got me, and I almost spelled the word arsenal, “aerosol”. But a lack of a good opening analogy does not kill my point.

The battle I’m talking about is one we’re all familiar with—the battle for a daily solid devotional time where we commune with God Himself. That’s not to be confused with propping yourself up in bed, attempting to focus your one opened eye on a random page of Scripture, while a fog of sleepy confusion settles heavily upon you.

The Bible warns us that when we want to do good, evil is right there with us. I am never more certain of that than when beginning my devotional times early in the morning. Whether “evil” is sleepiness, condemnation, or distraction, it doesn’t take too many days of the Christian life to realize we need weapons.

And in this we are fortunate because God has provided us with a whole arsenal of weapons for this battle including strong coffee, worship music, walks outside, Bible reading plans, accountability phone calls, and all kinds of great stuff.

The weapon I want to recommend today is praying through the Psalms or a great prayer book like The Valley of Vision (available in the Book Shoppe.) When I am in my early zombie-like state, feeling as flat and uninspired as ever, I can struggle to focus my mind on the truths of God and end up wasting a lot of time. That’s when praying through the Psalms is so helpful. I believe I got the idea from Donald Whitney, but the premise is simple. Use the inspired words of Scripture to fuel your own prayers. Basically, you read a line, then begin to personalize it. Here’s an example from the very familiar Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.



Yes Lord, you’ve been such a kind shepherd, leading me so faithfully. And you’ve provided exactly what I’ve needed. Please lead me today as I’ve got such a full schedule. Help me see what’s important to you.



He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.



Thank you for permanently restoring my soul at the cross and for allowing me to enter your presence! But help my distracted soul to be close to you today …

You get the idea. And the injection of deep intelligent thought into my wandering mind seems to push me quickly into a deeper fellowship with God. The Puritan prayers in The Valley of Vision work much the same way, and have fought bravely against my morning time sloth.

So arm yourself with weapons, and if you’re foggy like me in the mornings, allow these priceless prayers to pull you into the light.

Solid Rock and Sinking Sand

In a recent message at Covenant Life Church, Josh Harris shared some very helpful thoughts on how to relate to the current economic situation. The following is an excerpt that was posted on the CLC web site that can serve us all in what are (humanly speaking) uncertain times. One thing I got my attention from Josh’s comments was when he said, “Spend more time meditating on God’s word than watching the Markets”. The indexes are a way to track daily economic activity. They never account for God’s eternal activity. I need to remember that.

Here’s the link to the excerpt – about 4 minutes long, but well worth the viewing.

One Thing You Lack?

As Jared just taught us on Sunday, the church at Ephesus had so many things going for it…so many wonderful and desirable characteristics. Yet, because of His faithfulness to His people, Christ had to bring rebuke. They had remembered so much, but had forgotten their first love.

Short in my tenure here at Covenant Fellowship Church, I see so many things going for the families in our church…so many wonderful and desirable characteristics. And we are thankful to be a part of it. I wonder, though, if you are at all like me. At times, the calling and duties of parenting can rob me of a great truth of parenting…joy in the gift of my children.

What a glorious reminder we’re given in Psalm 127:3:

Behold, children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

At times, I can fall victim to the misconception that children are projects. There always seems to be sin present in some form and it seems it’s my job to rid them of it…all the while failing to actually enjoy them. I can find myself not enjoying their childishness… their silliness…their harmless fun.

At times like this, people like me need to be reminded that the Psalm does NOT read, “Children are a project from the Lord.” Nor does it read: “Children are an assignment from the Lord.” No, when the Psalmist had a chance to characterize the place of children in the life of a parent, he chose the words “gift” and “reward.”

Of special temptation in my life is the last hour or so of the day. With the bedtime business that must occur, and the adult duties that await once the children are in bed, I slip so easily into the “get ‘er done” mentality. Yet, this is a time that God has designed for the childishness of my children to abound. In those moments, I can go beyond seeing my children as projects or assignments and view them as outright obstacles. (Boy, that stings!)

Our children are gifts, wonderful expressions of a loving God who has characterized His kingdom as being filled with people such as these. He Himself bids them to come to Him. When we are seeing with spiritual eyes, we will do the same.

Here are a few helpful questions we could ask ourselves:

- Do they hear us laugh with them?
- Do we stop what we’re doing to take interest in what interests them?
- Do we stop to listen when they want to talk?
- Are there sins that we see in them that we’re willing to overlook and deal with later?

These questions are not a list of do’s and don’ts. They simply provide a healthy glimpse into the day to day with our children.

I encourage you to take these questions and let your spouse answer them. Hand them to your older children and ask them. Pray that God would give you eyes to see with keen accuracy how you’re doing. Then pray…not primarily that your activity would change, but that your perspective would change. That you would see your children as gifts…as rewards…and thoroughly enjoy them.

The duties and responsibilities of parenting are many. But without the God-ordained perspective captured in Psalm 127, those duties quickly morph into burdens. And there is no joy in burden. We have much going for us in our families at Covenant Fellowship Church. Yet, I wonder…is there one thing you lack?

Right Around the Corner

Recently, I met two families attending Covenant Fellowship who are new to this region. Each Sunday morning new visitors are invited to get to know us by attending the Guest Reception. Maybe you have met some new families or are new to this area yourself. Here is an addendum to the Guest Reception, a short list of things to enjoy nearby our church. These might even be good for you to check out:


Longwood Gardens. Longwood is world renowned for spectacular indoor and outdoor gardens, water fountains and stunning horticultural displays. Fireworks in the summer, Christmas lights in the winter and flowers year round. Admission is a bit pricey but well worth it – consider an annual pass. Important note! Don’t pick the flowers. Plucking a Phalaenopsis is a definite no-no.


Concord Town Center: Have you checked out the new Concord Town Center just a stone’s throw from the church? There are a bunch of good places to shop. There’s a new Cosi’s there, a great place to hang out. I also recommend the Home Depot Garden Center. Not only can you get flowers, shrubs and bulbs but they also guarantee many plants. If they die in a year return them for a refund. Wouldn’t it be great for all those workers to get to know us as faithful customers?


Newlin Grist Mill: A quaint and cozy park and historic grist mill 5 minutes from church. Great place for a picnic after church with scenic ponds, small waterfall and trout fishing during the summer months (fee charged for fishing).


Baldwin’s Book Barn: If you love books but are tired of the chain book store approach, stop by Baldwin’s Book Barn. Over 300,000 books nestled in a historic barn on four floors with nooks and crannies to explore. They don’t have a café but there is a picnic table outside by the parking lot.


Speaking of book stores. Looking for Christian books and music? Look no further than the Covenant Fellowship Book Shoppe. Open before and after Sunday services with great customer service.


Have small children? Looking for a great playground? Be sure to stop by Castle Park, right next to the Rachel Kohl Community Library in Glen Mills. The playground has a massive wooden castle structure that children are attracted to like coffee drinkers to Starbucks. A word of caution however. When your 4-year-old yells out, “Daddy, come get me!” bring your GPS. The castle has twists, turns, little steps, and passages some only a few feet wide. Be prepared to duck, squat and slither your way through mazes and catwalks. Have fun!


Speaking of coffee. If you can’t start your day without a cup of ground beans you have choices in the area. If you like comparing the price of coffee to a gallon of gas then stop by Starbucks, they are all over the region. For less frills and cost, there is Wawa . . . yes “Wawa.” If you are not from the area don’t let the name scare you off. Wawa is a convenience store chain throughout the tri-state area. They sell over 165 million cups of coffee a year. A Wawa trip tip: In the morning, Wawa looks like Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport but instead of planes there are cars coming in and out of the parking lot from every direction. Proceed with caution, the coffee is hot!

What is the Posture of Your Marriage?

For eight years, I ran a private voice studio teaching. Regardless of talent or aptitude, the first few lessons were spent on posture. The parts of the body can only work in concert with each other when the body is held in the proper posture. Once addressed and subsequently fixed, you’d be amazed at how easily other vocal problems could be addressed. Posture mattered…a lot.

Posture matters in marriage, too. Some postures are worth pursuing while others are worth avoiding. So, let’s just take a look at a few that could help direct conversation between you and your spouse.

Face to Face: When we’re face to face, we’re focused on each other. In this posture, we communicate, we experience intimacy, and we work on our marriage. In this posture, we declare our marriage to be the singular most important human relationship we have and we engage.

When we’re face to face, the world around us fades. Regardless of our schedule or preference, if we do not experience this posture often, trouble is not far off. With the world warring against the very fabric of marriage, in addition to our own busyness chipping away at it from the inside, face to face is a must.

Shoulder to Shoulder: As we stand shoulder to shoulder, we labor for the gospel. We work to reach the lost, care for our neighbors and raise our children. We engage the world around us as we stand side by side and walk never forgetting that we walk together.

When we’re shoulder to shoulder, there is a strength about us. When we serve together we experience the same trials of faith and the same experiences of God’s providence. We experience the same obstacles, the same victories, the same needs for prayer. In all of this, we grow together in our experience of God.

The Challenge – Balance: If we are exclusively postured face to face, a marriage becomes self-focused. It becomes blinded to the world around it. The place of family and marriage becomes inordinately elevated to the exclusion of all else. However, if a marriage is exclusively shoulder to shoulder, much work will be done outside the home with growing atrophy within the home. The marriage relationship becomes centered on task rather than being. The love that is necessary for fruitful labor dies on the vine.

The couple that is tempted to remain face to face must frequently turn shoulder to shoulder, joining together in serving others and reaching out to others. The couple that is tempted to remain shoulder to shoulder must frequently turn face to face for constructive and intentional conversation and personal times of intimacy.


The Danger: If either of the above postures are neglected, we can ultimately grow to a back to back posture. In this posture, we are either indifferently living separate lives or intentionally choosing separation rather than restoration.

By the time we end up back to back, much of our motivation for restoration is lost and we arrive at a place of cold hopelessness.

• Which posture is your marriage most tempted toward? Do you tend to linger face to face? …shoulder to shoulder? …back to back?

• What other couple can be brought into your lives to help stretch you to other postures?

By taking on a posture of prayer, the active postures in our lives can be kept in balance. It is God’s desire for a marriage to be face to face AND shoulder to shoulder. As His will is kept in our vision at all times, we will be able, according to His grace, to avoid the danger, enjoy the blessing, and bring His name glory.

Are You a Joy to Lead?

Recently I've "discovered" that sometimes I'm not an easy wife for my husband to lead. Just a couple weeks ago, Jeff had a creative idea for our date night. Excitedly, he explained what he wanted to do together. I didn't like the idea - to me it sounded tiring and boring. And to my shame, I instantly opposed it. I didn't thank him for trying to be creative or express any gratitude for his commitment to a weekly date night. Instead I criticized his idea, leaving him feeling deflated, and me discouraged.

I know however, as wives, most of us really do want our husbands to lead. We may even get discouraged when they're not leading. We like it when they plan our date nights, lead family devotions, plan vacations, and initiate home projects. I have loved the times that Jeff surprised me by taking me away for an anniversary or initiated times to review our family schedule. Yet, as much as we want them to lead, how often do we find ourselves fighting against how they are leading. We may even wonder why they're not leading more; unaware that we are part of the reason it is it difficult for them.

So how do we fight against this tendency?

One way is to get behind them in the areas where they are leading. Here are a few recent examples. Jeff desires to lead our family in devotions after dinner. I can support his leadership by creating meals that bring the family together, by being the most enthusiastic participant, and by encouraging him that what he is doing is valuable as he fights against the pressing demands of the evening.

Another area where Jeff desires to lead us as a couple is in praying together at night before we go to sleep. Even though it is his desire for this to happen, there are times where he inadvertently forgets. He has asked me to remind him when this happens. So instead of "forgetting" with him, I can encourage him by reminding him. And instead of giving into the temptation of complaining about how tired I am, I can smile and say, "Good idea!"

Jeff also leads us in how much media we allow into our home. Knowing that he wants to limit the amount of TV and videos that our kids watch, I can support him when he's not home by not giving into the pressure from my kids to turn on the TV.

So where is your husband leading you and your family? Encourage his initiatives, even when you would like them to be expressed in different ways. Tune in to how you respond to his ideas. And be your husband's biggest cheerleader. May we be wives who are a joy to lead!

Renovation or Demolition?

Did you ever have times in your life where you feel God is hammering on you? Yes, we know he he’s at work changing us, and sometimes change can be hard. But there are those times when we wonder whether it’s not change He’s after, but maybe demolition.

This is one of the all time classic C. S. Lewis quotes which can give you vision if you feel you are in the demolition zone of life.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right, and stopping the leaks in the roof, and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably, and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, 172.



This was posted at firstimportance.com

Hope for the Weary

Can I be frank here? There is nothing, and I mean nothing, in my life more humbling than parenthood. Maybe you agree. We are called to a wonderful task of raising godly children and passing the gospel to the next generation, but we can accomplish absolutely none of it in our own power. Being called to a great task and possessing no ability to accomplish it should humble even the most proud of us all.

Personally, when I lose sight of God in some of my lesser fatherly moments, I quickly fall into fear for my children. Will they turn out okay? Am I ruining them? Will they despise me when they’re older? By God’s grace, these moments are not daily, but they occur. And every time they do, it’s because I’ve lost sight of God.

It is God who calls us. It is God who equips and empowers us. It is God who will save our children, not us. It is God…it is God. He compassionately calls out to every parent, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

And yet, comfort in the Savior’s invitation shouldn’t be the end of our vision. At least for me, I find that when I’m discouraged at the lack of fruit in my children (or more accurately, in my parenting) I have to go back to Christ day after day to trade in my heavy yoke for His light one. Is there a greater truth, a deeper comfort, available for the weary and heavy laden parent? Yes. Consider Psalm 89:11-13:

The heavens are yours; the earth also is yours; the world and all that is in it, you have founded them. The north and the south, you have created them; Tabor and Hermon joyously praise your name. You have a mighty arm; strong is your hand, high your right hand.

God owns and possesses all things. He founded them and created them. It is His arm that is mighty and His hand that is strong. The Psalms are a wonderful place for us to read of the character of God and apply it to our lives…where we’re living right now. So, if you’ll allow me just a little latitude for application, let’s look at this verse applied to parenting?

Our sons are yours; our daughters also are yours; our homes and all that is in them, you have founded them…You have a mighty arm; strong is your hand, high your right hand.

When my children’s success depends upon my parenting, then my parenting has lost sight of God’s sovereign control. When I am discouraged and tired, I’ve lost sight of God’s might and God’s strength.

So, let me ask you a few questions that I also ask myself:

- Where is God’s strength and might when I consider my weariness in parenting?
- If God loves and possesses my children, why is it that I worry and am fearful?
- What heavy yoke must I lay down to take up the light yoke of God’s sovereignty?

So, what is the hope for the weary? It is God. It is God. It is God. His power. His might. His compassion. His long-suffering. His love. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills…that includes your home…and your children.

Worst to First

This is the best time of year for baseball – playoffs and World Series! This year the Tampa Bay Rays are the story – a ‘worst to first’ team in the playoffs for the first time in their history (see Cubs, it can’t be THAT hard!). During Spring Training this year, Tim Challies interviewed one of the Ray’s players, Ben Zobrist. Ben is a Christian who has some interesting things to say about what it’s like to be a Major League baseball player and authentic disciple of Christ at the same time.

One of the things that struck me in the interview was how he works to try to stay connected to his local church during the season.

TC: How do you stay connected to your local church during the baseball season? What role does your home church play in your life during the season?
BZ: We listen to our home church pastor Byron Yawn’s sermons through podcast. I am part of a men’s Theology class at church as well, and one of the men sends me an mp3 of the study that week. We keep up with prayer requests and activities through massive church emails. Pastor Byron calls every so often to check on us to see how we are doing. We also try to do a mass update to everyone every so often to let everyone know how we are doing and how to pray. Prayer is the main role the local church plays in our lives during the season. Prayer is powerful and much needed as it seems there are few ballplayers that have a strong connection to a local church back home that is praying for them.

The Point: Few men have more challenging schedules than baseball players in season. Let’s follow Ben’s example of creative effort to stay connected to his church regardless of his schedule.

Zobrist is also committed to study, including Richard Baxter’s "The Saint’s Everlasting Rest" and A. W. Pink’s "The Attributes of God", among the books he has read.

If you want to read the whole article, go here

Romance Stories (Vol. 3)

This is another of our occasional series on the romance stories of some of our Community Group Leaders. This week we’re featuring Andy and Jen Culley, who lead a Family Life Community Group in West Chester. Andy is in the Construction business and Jen is a stay at home mom. They have three small children.

The Culley’s are celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary this month!


Andy and Jen Culley – Our Story
Andy and I met here at church when we were young singles. Andy was just trying to get started in his business and Jen had just graduated from high school the year before. We were a Youth Camp Romance of sorts. We both decided independently to be volunteer counselors at Youth Camp ‘96. We happened upon each other at a counselors training meeting that Marty had at his house the week before camp. Even though we had both been in the church for several years, for some reason we had never even seen each other before!

So, after that brief interaction at Marty’s, we then headed to Youth Camp. At Youth Camp we were playing water Polo in the spring-fed lake, when Jen’s team was doing so well that they remained in the water for longer than expected. Jen wound up getting hypothermia and needed some assistance out of the pool and to a car. Andy gallantly came over with concern and gave her his sweatshirt (I, Jen, was smitten at that point). The nurses and moms then got Jen to a car and drove her to the showers where they attempted to warm her up. After a few hours Jen was feeling normal and was able to find Andy and thank him for his chivalrous deed.

After camp we started to hang out together in groups and got to know each other better in the coming months. Then, in early February 1997, Andy asked Jen to court him. We courted for over a year and have many wonderful memories of that season of our lives. We got engaged on April 11, 1998. Andy had taken Jen to a beautiful meadow on the Brandywine River, where they had a picnic together, and where he popped the Question. After he proposed, Andy took Jen back to the car and gave her a cell phone (he had borrowed it, that was back in the day when cell phones were a novelty) so I could call my family.

Andy had made sure Jen had a nice outfit because he had arranged a nice dinner to celebrate our engagement that evening. One creative idea Jen remembers is that Andy had bridal magazines spread out in the car so as soon as we got engaged Jen could start planning and dreaming. We had a five month engagement, and were married on October 3, 1998. So, this year we will be married for 10 years and parents of three great little children. It could not be better!!!

Where Are You Reading?

Where are you reading? Odd question you might say, and so it is! I asked myself this question after a fellowship group meeting. We were talking about what we were reading and my friend, Gina, explained that she keeps a book in different places in her home –places where she might actually stay in one place for a short while. Gina has four small children, so this strategy has helped her get some reading done despite the busy demands of motherhood. Although I don’t have the same demands as Gina, I too find it difficult to sit down and read. Our pastors have always exhorted us to read, saying that people who read, grow! For this reason, I’ve always desired to read more.

So, gleaning from Gina, I began to place a few books around my house—one on my desk in the kitchen, one in each powder room, one on my nightstand next to my bed, and two near my big easy chair where I do my morning devotions. It’s been great! I may only get 5 to 10 minutes at a time when I eat lunch or before I go to bed, but I’m actually getting through these books. Sometimes I can get a longer time in if I can’t sleep at night, or if I can choose to not watch that TV show that’s so tempting. Those times help catapult me further. At present, most of my books are related to biblical doctrine (I always try to keep one going about the Gospel), but not always. My husband’s favorite genre is historical non-fiction, specifically World War II era books. So I’ve tried a few, and that’s given us a new topic for communication—one I’ve really enjoyed.

I know 5 books at one time may seem overwhelming, but I haven’t found that to be the case. They often complement each other. I recently looked back over the last 6 months and was so encouraged by the list of books I had read. More importantly, I’ve been blessed by the sound doctrine that I’ve received from these books.

In closing, I’ll make a plug for one book that I’m currently reading that is really helping me as a mom - "Charity and It's Fruits" by Jonathan Edwards. I tried to read it years ago, but the old English seemed too difficult for me. Now, however, I’m getting through it slowly but surely. It’s a wonderful book to consider reading if you found encouragement from Christina Roth’s recent blog entitled Ten Ways to Enjoy Your Little Ones". The practical ideas she gave are simply examples of real fruit that comes from God’s divine love that He pours into us by His Spirit. His love is foundational to all we do –especially as mothers showing love to our children. I’ve felt spurred on in a new way! It’s encouraging to know that God is the One who enables us to do any good work for His glory – even read! I hope this tip is helpful to you!

The Drama of the Psalms

The Psalms are at the heart of the Scriptures, both literally (in terms of their central location among the books of the Bible), and emotionally in their expression of the heart of believers before the Sovereign Lord. When we read Psalms in our devotions we can sometimes miss the emotional and spiritual impact they are meant to have on us. The Psalms were written and collected to be spoken or sung aloud – in the midst of the gathered people of God.



At the recent Worship God 08 Conference, Ryan Ferguson shared a dramatic rendition of Psalm 145 that captivated the ears and hearts of nearly two thousand people. To get a fresh sense of what the Psalms are meant to do, view this recitation included in Bob Kauflin’s Worship God blog. It will stir your heart to worship!

The How Matters, Too!

Have you ever said something meaning something else? Have you ever communicated one thing with your words but another with your tone or your face? Okay…all together now… “YES!” Me, too. Even though our specific actions or words may be the right thing to do or say, how we do or say those things truly matters.

When reflecting upon parenting in light of 1 Corinthians 13:1-2, author Don Gilchrist said the following:

We may speak wonderful words of truth; but if our voice constantly shows annoyance, impatience, or anger, note how the children perceive our teaching! [a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal] We may dig deeply into the mysteries of God and acquire a detailed knowledge of His Word. We may even appear as spiritual giants. But if we don’t love our children, note what we amount to! [nothing]

When we speak to our children, we ought to constantly monitor our tone of voice, our expression of face and our motive of heart. When we bring discipline, even the rod, the condition of their heart when we conclude will largely be dependent upon the condition of our heart when addressing them. When we encourage them, if we do it to manipulate them or even lacking sincerity, the right words will fall to the ground…not settle in their hearts.

In fact, the ears of our children listen past our words most of the time…they listen to our tone, to our intentions. Even in their limited perspective, children can detect when we are for them and when we are against them. They are the receptors of the title of this post…the “how” matters, too.

One passage of Scripture I have found very helpful in guiding my heart and my tongue, not to mention my face, when communicating with my children is found in Ephesians 4:29.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

If we can faithfully remember that our words are for building up our children, we will avoid tearing them down. If we can faithfully remember that there is a time that is fitting for our words and a time that is NOT fitting for our words, we will avoid ill-timed correction, reprove or even simply observations. And if we can faithfully remember that the effect of our words to our children ought to be grace, it will keep in check our other, lesser motives.

If the how matters, them we all need to examine how we speak to our children. And then me need to acknowledge that how we talk to them is no accident, it is an overflow. (Matthew 12:34)

We build or we destroy with what overflows out of our hearts and off of our tongues. How we build and what we build matter. If we are willing to call our motives and tone to account, our children will experience the grace of God through us. What a kind God to use parents like us to raise up the next generation. Only by grace.

Appreciation in Transition

Tim Ashford sent me these thoughts he had written for Dave. I thought they spoke for all of us men on some significant ways Dave Harvey has affected the men of Covenant Fellowship Church as their Senior Pastor. Dave – from the Bro’s to you!


Dave,
Dave, your influence on our family has been an undertow of grace. Like a current beneath the surface, it has exerted its pull on the direction of our church, our personal ministry, and our marriage. We know that it flows from Him who loves us; because the net result is that He seems closer and more real. I want to give you three ways you’ve affected us. Like any true fan, I have to mimic you, so all my points begin with the same letter.

Disarming. Dave, you are one of the most disarming people I've ever encountered. You've coaxed us out of hiding since the first sermon we heard you preach over eight years ago. As the proverb so well says, our hearts were like deep waters, but you helped to draw them out (Proverbs 20:5). When we arrived, our arms were folded, our guard was up. We were tight-lipped and rarely admitted our sins. Now, more than eight years later, we're more comfortable, like you, to be ourselves in the presence of God, and before one another. We're even trying to follow your example of laughing at ourselves. You do that better than anyone, period. We've learned from just watching you. Now it’s becoming something of a sport in our family. There's just so much material!

Delegating. Even from the cheap seats, the undertow of your leadership pulls us further into the waters of grace. You have the humility to realize that you can't and don't have to be Andy, Jim or Marty, but you've cultivated them and unleashed their gifts on us. As a result, we're so much more able to listen as we look at our hearts, to share the gospel, and to biblically raise our children. By making yourself less, we have gained so much more. Jared is the most obvious current example. Who is more excited than you that he will carry forward the torch of reformed exposition? Like John the Baptist, you may decrease, while he increases, but the net result is really that Christ increases, and we all gain from that. This reveals true greatness in you, as Jesus himself said of John. Thank you!!

Delighting. We're commanded to delight in God, but we're still sinners, and have to confront that reality. When we do, it’s easy to fall into despair, anxiety, or striving - but not when we follow you as you follow Christ. You seem to rest confidently on Christ's finished work. You rejoice easily. You are a strong proponent of celebration – and not just the conference we used to have. In your joy you live out a key part of our mission statement. You Treasure Christ and His cross, you greatly enjoy your church, you delight in your wife. Yet you've looked squarely at the Enemy Within, you've studied Sin and Temptation, you've even had to deal seriously with the sins of others while at the helm of the sanctuary over the years. All the while your joy seems to increase.

My dear brother and esteemed pastor: We thank God for you and delight in you! And as we turn the page on over twenty years of faithful ministry at Covenant Fellowship, we are eager to see what God has prepared for this next exciting chapter in your life and ministry.
How can we possibly thank God enough for all the happiness you have brought us?" (I Thessalonians 3:9, my own translation)
Tim for all the Ashford’s

The Image of God…What?

We normally reserve this space for practical tools or glimpses at the culture. However, every so often, it is helpful to step back and feed our souls on some good marital theology. As you read, reflect on the goodness of a God who would use marriage to reflect His glory.

Genesis 1:27 makes an amazing and potentially confusing statement:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

We can all admit that there is something about the union of a man and a woman that uniquely reflects God’s image. Ever wonder what that is? Below are four ways that God’s image is uniquely reflected in marriage.

Men and Women are Created Equal – People are equal in value and in dignity, regardless of gender. One gender is not a better or higher creation than another. The union of co-equal people reflects something unique about the Trinity.

Each member of the Trinity, God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, are equal in value. One is not “more God” than the others. And all three are joined together into one. This is the core of the saying, “the two shall become one.” When people get married, God joins a separate man and a separate woman essentially into one being that functions as one…a reflection of God’s image.

Men and Women Have Different Roles – Yes, they are equal, but that does not mean they are the same. They are valued the same, but not given the same responsibilities. Gender is a poor basis for judging one’s value. Yet, in marriage, gender is one of the main distinctions for different roles. His wisdom in creating man first, then woman, and assigning them roles accordingly reveals an intentionality to God’s purposes.

God the Father has a different function in the Trinity than God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. As equal persons function in unity, but function differently, they reflect the image of God.

A Man’s Role Reflects the Love and Leadership of Christ – Ephesians 5:25-32 plainly lays out before men their job description in marriage: “Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A man who truly fulfills his calling as a husband is directly reflecting the image of God in the love, care and protection of Christ over the church.

Throughout the Bible, the love and care of God for his people is a key theme. From the pillar of fire leading them through the desert to the tender promise of Christ, declaring that He’ll never leave nor forsake his church, faithful love and guidance are characteristic of God. This type of care from God to His people speaks volumes of God’s character. And a man has the distinct duty and privilege of reflecting that part of God to the world.

A Woman’s Role Reflects the Serving and Submission of God – There is a term attached to the creation of woman in Genesis 2…it is the term “helper” or “helpmate.” This is how God designates her role in the life of her husband. The wife is to be the helper of the husband.

We may think that this term is secondary or demeaning. Quite the opposite. This term, “helper” is used many times to refer to God Himself. In as much as the man’s role reflects Christ’s relationship to the church, the woman’s role reflects God’s care for His people. By using the same title given to God Himself, the woman as she fulfills her call to be a helper, reflects the image of God.

Additionally, several places in the Bible reveal that Christ, who was fully God, submitted to the will of the Father. Perhaps most notably, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Christ’s prayer, “Not my will but yours be done” reveals this amazing truth. (Luke 22:42)

Marvel along with me at the wonder of God. Marvel that we get to be a part of what He does through marriage. And then turn and treat your marriage in accordance with this amazing fact.

An Encouraging Idea

Our driveway is very steep and so are the surrounding sidewalks in our neighborhood, so we always have to travel somewhere to let the kids enjoy bike riding. Madison just learned to ride without training wheels. Adrienne and Matthew each have cute little bikes all their own. The other day we had the kids riding in the parking lot of our local elementary school. My son rode by me looking up as if to say “Look at me!” so I said, “Look at you Matthew! You are such a big boy riding so well on your bike!” He grinned this big grin and rode away faster with his head and shoulders tall.

Isn’t this what the grace of encouragement does to all of us? It gives us that little spark of strength and determination to pedal away strong and fast. I wish I could say I am always encouraging my children. But at times it seems easier to give them lists of things they are doing wrong on top of lists of things they need to do better. “Don’t be so loud”, “Stop running”, “Be patient,” and my all-time favorite, “SIT STILL!!!”

I am so glad that God has gently convicted me when I fall into these habits. By his grace I am able to stop and think, “Boy I have really been negative towards the kids. I’m not sure I can remember the last encouragement I gave to them.” My eyes are opened and I see they aren’t pedaling quite as strong and fast as I know they can. What’s missing may have more to do with my words than their efforts.

Last year Bill came up with a great idea. Before the kids go to bed at night we take time to think of at least one area where they did well during the day and exhibited godly character. The kids LOVE this time of encouragement and I believe it honors God. Let’s make sure we are giving many words of encouragement for each word of correction and let gracious words be “like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” (Proverbs 16:24)

From Generation to Generation

Yesterday Jared preached an important message in the life of our church in anticipation of our Senior Pastor Transition next Sunday. He preached from Psalm 78:1-8, with particular attention to verses 4-7:



Psalm 78:4-7 4 We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments;



As we look forward to this important moment in our church, let us all see the significance of this transition – not just of one Senior Pastor to another, but of establishing a commitment that ‘children not yet born’ might inherit a Gospel loving church from the fruits of our labor. As Jared quoted my attempt to capture the significance of this event,



Do you know what this transition is about? It’s about a church that is growing up. My generation started this church, laid its foundations, established its culture, and developed its vision. And we have the potential to turn all that into a monument to the past. The test of a good church is its ability to retain its core biblical values as it passes from one generation to the next. The test of good church leadership is to entrust what we love to younger men – and let them lead it. That doesn’t mean that my generation, and those of you who are older than me, take a back seat to the youngsters. It means we have a grown up church – each member, regardless of our age, doing what is best to make sure this church stands the test of time and transition. We’re at the moment of decision on that right now. We all feel it. Do we look back and hold onto what had so much meaning for us in the heady days of our youth? Or do we prepare for the future, and turn the thing over to leaders who see it with clearer vision than we possess?



Please pray for Dave and Jared this week, that it would be a sweet time of anticipation and memories, that they would be aware of God’s ‘well done’ over what is taking place.

Getting Out of God’s Way

We may dream many dreams for our children: a specific vocation, a happy marriage, a long and healthy life. Surpassing them all is our desire for our children to be born again. Sometimes, we can want it so badly that we actually get in God’s way.

At a recent Cross Culture meeting, Andy Farmer reviewed some important ways that parents can cooperate with God rather than interfere with Him. He indicated that God often uses others in the lives of our children, especially our teens, in bringing them to faith. When it comes to evangelizing our own children, he coined the term, “Indirect Evangelism.”

This, of course, does not release us from the need to share the gospel with our children, but it does reinforce our calling to a broader evangelism approach when it comes to our children. Here are the six suggestions he offered.

1. Pray – If we truly desire our children to walk with the Lord, we must be prayers. We need to pray, believing God’s word about his desire to capture hearts in spite of what you see at any moment. And we need to pray specifically for a saving encounter with Christ.

2. Protect – With eyes toward the culture at large and the world immediately surrounding our children, we need to guide our children through the enticements and distractions of the world with conviction and confidence. We should avoid fearing the culture, but acknowledge the dangers that lie within it.

3. Observe/Discern – Take an honest look at your child’s inclinations and behaviors. Are they moving toward truth or away from it? What evidence do you discover concerning their spiritual state? We cannot effectively lead them if we do not know their areas of weakness and strength.

4. Listen – Our children must know that their words and input are valued and desired. And when we listen, we should try to discover themes and questions that might give opportunities for connecting the gospel with their lives. So much ground can be covered during these type of informal interactions if we listen intentionally.

5. Display – Does your life, marriage, and family lifestyle draw attention to Christ, or create competition with Christ? As children get older, the hypocrisy of our lives becomes more focused. The bottom line is that their finally old enough to see it. Our lives should be a display of what we’re calling them to, not an obstacle standing in the way of it.

6. Testify – Share how Christ is making himself known to you through things such as conviction, provision, etc. Let your children know how the reality of God affects your life, how you see it and how you interact with it. Talk about Jesus as if He is part of your life.

There is a lot in this list of suggestions. Don’t be overwhelmed by it and don’t make the mistake of trying all of it at once. Is there one area that pricks your hearts with godly conviction as you read it? Just start there. God will provide the increase.

Note: Andy Farmer’s notes from the Extra Point portion of our September Cross Culture meeting provided the majority of the content for this post.

Am I Nuts?

I just did something crazy. I joined a soccer team. Now, to be honest, it is an ‘over 35’ league, so it’s not like I’ve just made the Olympic Team. But for a guy who hasn’t played in a game where the score matters since Ron Jaworski was the Eagle’s quarterback, this is a big deal.

Why am I playing? Because I’ve loved the game ever since I was a kid and, at 49, I’m running out of time to play it. It’s also good exercise, in a wind-sucking, knees grabbing, hamstring twisting sort of way. But as a pastor with very little connection to folks beyond the confines of the church, I want to be able to connect to men in their world, to try to make some friends with unbelievers, and ultimately to share the Gospel. Soccer players, especially over 35’rs, are an odd mix of guys of all kinds of nationalities who are zealous (or perhaps desperate) to play a kids’ game until they drop. It’s a world where you’re either one of us, or not, and if you’re one of us, its friends for life. I’m looking to break in to that world.

The good news is that we play on Sunday nights, which is really only time I could do this. And we don’t have practice, which saves both time and wear and tear on the body. And we’re playing on a new state of the art artificial turf field right near my house. So given all these reasons, it would be sin not to play, at least according to my logic.

We’ve played three games so far. Our team is called ‘White’, which is not a racial thing, its just that we haven’t come up with a better name and that’s the color (or non color) of our jerseys. Soccer players are notoriously averse to leadership – they’re a lot like artists, or democrats. So our team is kind of a cooperative arrangement. Hence, we don’t really have a name, we have a functional description.

So what am I learning? I’m learning about fear mostly. Fear of pain, fear of injury, did I mention pain? The list of pain possibilities at my age is endless - a snapped Achilles tendon, torn ACL, concussion, contusions (whatever they are). I’m learning that when you’re 49, you should probably start stretching before you play. I’ve learned a really interesting thing about recovery after a game. There is the day-after stiffness and joint pain, and then there’s the day-after the day-after pain, which comes from the way you favored your painful parts and now other things are out of whack.

I’m also rediscovering the fear of man – high school variety. I want to be accepted by these guys, which means I feel like I need to impress them, even though I’m one of the slowest and oldest guys out there. I wonder, ‘How can I be an effective witness if I’m a terrible player, writhing in agony with an Addidas logo imprinted on the side of my face?’ Perhaps there’s a ‘fool for Christ’ angle I can work here.

So far I’m holding my own. We’re 0 and 3, but getting better every week. And I’m having a great time. Updates will come as the season progresses.

By the Way, if you want to check out some of our team in training, check it out here. I wasn’t there for this shoot, but I coached some of these guys.

God’s Eyes for Your Spouse

When you look at your spouse, what do you see? I don’t mean hair or eye color, height or weight. I mean, when you consider your spouse, do you see their failures and their shortcomings? Or do you see their successes and strengths? If you’re married to a human, your spouse undoubtedly has both failures and successes on his or her report card. There are also strengths and shortcomings. But I’m not asking about the facts of their report card…I’m asking, “What do you see?”

On September 21^st, Dave Harvey preached from Philippians chapter 1. When he did, he highlighted how Paul had God’s eyes for the Philippian church. It was not that they were without fault. In fact, Paul addresses some of those issues in the letter that followed. It was that Paul remembered the Philippians for their successes rather than their failures. He saw them for their best moments.

Seeing through the eyes of God is not an ability limited to the first century. It can be lived out in the homes of Christian couples all around the world. A husband can choose to acknowledge the failures of his wife while still remembering her according to her successes. A wife can choose to speak about her husband according to his strengths rather than his weaknesses.

The grace and freedom that such an atmosphere creates is incredible. There is no striving for acceptance through performance and function. Applying the gospel resolves the issue of acceptance. It allows failures to be learning opportunities and weaknesses to be windows of humility. It allows successes to be achieved humbly and strengths to be leveraged for others rather than for yourself.

Sounds great, right? Who would not want this to be true of their marriage? No one. Any one in his right mind would want such an environment of grace. So, what keeps us from it?

You’ll have to answer that question. For some people, bitterness sits as the watchman of their minds. It doesn’t let them forget each and every time they’ve been wronged. For others, self-righteousness is the culprit. They use accusation to drown out their own shortcomings. For some others, it is just a lack of knowledge. These people are just doing the best they can and don’t know of any other way.

Whatever the cause, the solution is the same. It is God’s delight to give you his vision of your spouse. As a holy God, He looks at your spouse and sees Christ, even in the face of the massive amount of sin we all commit daily. As forgiven sinners enjoying the eyes of God being directed at us, we can look at our spouse with grace.

When we do so, we see our spouse for his or her successes and strengths. We don’t ignore their failures or weaknesses. We just don’t characterize them by their worst moments. We allow the grace of God shape our vision of them so that we remember them for their best moments.