Prioritizing Relationships Over Accomplishments

Today’s blog corresponds to one of the points from Andy’s message at the Family Life Meeting on Saturday Night. If you didn’t have a chance to hear the message you can download soon here.

We can enjoy peace in busyness through prioritizing relationships over accomplishments

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TO WORK IN THIS AREA:

• You enjoy order or cleanliness or productivity more than the quality of your love for others.
• You tend to avoid confrontation or conflict resolution
• You’re distracted simply being with the family
  
  Vision from God’s Word:
  
  Colossians 3:12-15 12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
  
  
  Enjoying Peace Through Application:
• Regular date nights
• Family devotions during dinner
• Get a digital camera/video camera and take pictures. Put them on your family computer as the screen saver
• Invest in some family games – things that don’t take everyone to play, and can be done in an hour or less and enjoyed by everybody. Games that aren’t concentration driven.
  Don’t go on errands without a kid, but try not to go on errands with all the kids. Mix and match
• Regulate media and try to focus what you imbibe around things you all enjoy.
• Limit cell phone and iPod use that isolates family members. Limit private space in the home.

Relationships are a gift from the Lord. They refresh and strengthen us, and they are a means of grace to us for growth in our walk with the Lord. Often in the busyness of life, we can allow things we “must” accomplish to crowd out the priority of relationships in our lives. Consider the following questions to help you evaluate this tend in all our lives.

1. How would you evaluate your time spent this past week with respect to accomplishing tasks and/or investing in relationships? Have you spent your time wisely? Have you gravitated toward accomplishing tasks? Have you invested enough time in key relationships in your life?

2. Think of the important relationships in your family. Have you slipped into “managing” your household more than taking time to share and draw one another out in conversation this past week or so? Have you made an effort to encourage and build up each other up through serving each other, giving affection, and spending time with one another? As parents, have you taken time to instruct or graciously correct your children or draw them out in conversation?

3. Take time to think of 2-3 ways you could creatively make relationships more of a priority in your family? Implement one of those ideas this week. Here are a few examples:
With a member of your family: Take time to have a spiritual discussion; take a walk; creatively encourage them in one area of their life.


4. Teens: Have you invested any time this week building your relationship with your parents? Have you:

-Taken time to draw them out about what they are currently learning
from the Lord?
-Asked them for ways you could be praying for them?
-Asked them for any input they might have for you?

The Rest of the Story

Today’s blog corresponds to one of the points from Andy’s message at the Family Life Meeting on Saturday Night. If you didn’t have a chance to hear the message you can download soon here.


We can enjoy peace in busyness through valuing rest over idleness.

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED WORK IN THIS AREA:

• You can get irritated (or worse) when something comes between you and your ‘down time’ interests
• You have regular TV shows (or websites you visit), but no meaningful spiritual study interests
• Your sense of peace is very affected by your immediate experiences or environment.

Vision from God’s Word:

Romans 14:17-19 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Enjoying Peace Through Application:

1. How do you define rest? Now compare it to Andy’s definition of
idleness: indulgent relaxation. How do they compare? How do you know if
your relaxation is indulgent?

2. Evaluate your last seven days. Did you have a day which prioritized resting
from your work? If not, why not? If you did, are you consistent? Do you
have a biblical conviction regarding rest?

3. List your ‘down time’ interests (things you do other than your
responsibilities.) For example; time spent on the internet, email, golf,
photography, gardening, video games, working out, movies, concerts,
television, reading, following sports teams, phone calls, home repair, etc.
Go through the list and ask:
- Am I refreshed by this activity?
- Am I more ready to resume my work after engaging in this activity?
- Can I do this activity with a clear conscience?
- Does this activity unduly isolate me from family and friends?
- Does this increase my awareness of or gratitude to God?

4. Do your entertainment choices enrich your life? What changes can you make
so they are more enriching?

5. For some people, resting requires more faith than working. If this is you, have a friend/spouse review the time you give to sleep, physical activity/exercise, and rest. What changes do you need to make? How can your friend/spouse help you make those changes?

Humble Evaluation of Our Choices

Today’s blog corresponds to one of the points from Andy’s message at the Family Life Meeting on Saturday Night. If you didn’t have a chance to hear the message you can download soon here.

We can enjoy peace in busyness through humble evaluation of our choices

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TO WORK IN THIS AREA:

• You’re having regular conflicts in your marriage or family about schedule conflicts
• There is a consistent gap between what you want life to look like and how it actually is working
• You tend to justify things you’ve done after the fact

Vision from God’s Word:

Psalm 85:7-13 7 Show us your steadfast love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation. 8 Let me hear what God the LORD will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints; but let them not turn back to folly. 9 Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, that glory may dwell in our land. 10 Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other. 11 Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky. 12 Yes, the LORD will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase. 13 Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way.

Enjoying Peace Through Application:

1. Make a list of all the significant responsibilities that fill up your calendar. When your done, prayerfully prioritize these items by placing numbers next to them. One is the top priority. When you are finished ask the questions:

· Which of my high priorities do I most often neglect? Why is that?
· Do my schedule priorities reflect God’s priorities in scripture for me?
· Is there a place where my spouse and I disagree on what is more important? Who can we invite into our lives to help us talk through any disagreements
· How do your priorities compare with other believers around you? Who could you show your list to for fresh evaluation?

2. What in your schedule has a trumping effect. Make a list of items which have the effect of “bumping” things off your calendar. Try to think of three things. Then sit down with your spouse and evaluate whether these items are appropriately invading your calendar. Caring for a sick relative, for instance, may be reeking havoc on your calendar but be God’s unique call upon your life in this season. Pressure from your son’s baseball schedule, on the other hand, may need to be evaluated.

3. What church events are important for your family in this season, how does your calendar reflect this priority?

4. Do you have a pressure season in your work, school, or home? Tax accountants, for instance, are going to have a busy schedule around tax season. How can you plan for these temporary challenges in your schedule? What might you do, before and after these challenging seasons to ensure you don’t get derailed by them?

Wise Planning

Today’s blog corresponds to one of the points from Andy’s message at the Family Life Meeting on Saturday Night. If you didn’t have a chance to hear the message you can download soon here.

We can enjoy peace in busyness through wise planning

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TO WORK IN THIS AREA:

• You don’t have a functional way to manage your family’s calendar or budget
• You’re continually surprised by things that you’ve committed to but don’t remember.
• You have trouble saying no, or find yourself saying yes to things you wish you didn’t.

Vision from God’s Word:

Hebrews 13:20-21 ²⁰ Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, ²¹ equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Enjoying Peace Through Application:

1. BATTLING YOUR PRESSURES: Consider which of the following desires can tend to drive the way you make decisions and spend your time. Discuss with your spouse and your fellowship group the specific ways you see these desires play out in your life.

Common Controlling Desires

· The desire for comfort/pleasure (peace through ease, leisure, avoidance of difficulty, enjoyment of indulgence)

· The desire for control/independence (peace through order or productivity, control over others, or not being controlled by others)

· The desire for approval (peace through the respect or approval of others, avoidance of conflict, people pleasing)

· The desire for rights (peace through being correct, not being questioned, sensitivity to issues of justice)

· The desire for possessions (peace through having money or the things money can buy, needing bigger, better, newer, or, conversely, trusting the ability to provide or wisely manage money)

2. TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR PLANS: Choose a usable calendar that both husband and wife can access and coordinate. Mark out non-negotiables – things like community group, date nights, Family times, important meetings, etc for up to a year. Talk about your upcoming schedule on a weekly basis

3. FOCUSING YOUR ATTENTION: If you use Microsoft Outlook, have the program open to your calendar, not your email. This will help you focus more on things you planned to do than on things that are coming at you through email. To do this:

In Outlook – hit Tools

In Tools – hit Options

In Options – Hit Other

In Other – Hit Advanced Options

In Advanced Options, in the blue box under “General Settings” see the command ‘Start-up in this folder”. Choose “Calendar”

Then “OK” Your way back through the menus

4. BUILDING YOUR PRIORITIES: Make a list of all the significant responsibilities that fill up your calendar. When you’re done, prayerfully prioritize these items by placing numbers next to them. One is the top priority. When you are finished, take a look at them in light of the following questions
• Which of my high priorities do I most often neglect? Why is that?
• Do my schedule priorities reflect God’s priorities in scripture for me?
• Is there a place where my spouse and I disagree? Who can we invite into our lives to help us talk through any disagreements
• How do your priorities compare with other believers around you? Who could you show your list to for fresh evaluation?

What in your schedule has a trumping effect – something that always seems to get attention? Make a list of items which have the effect of “bumping” things off your calendar. Try to think of three things. Then sit down with your spouse and evaluate whether these items are appropriately invading your calendar. Caring for a sick relative, for instance, may be creating havoc on your calendar but be God’s unique call upon your schedule in this season. The latest events on “CSI: Dancing With the American Idol at The Office” may be a little more demanding on your time than you might think.

What church events are important for your family in this season, how does your calendar reflect this priority.

Do you have a pressure season in your work, school, or home? For example, accountants are going to have a busy schedule around tax season for instance. Where are these challenges present in your schedule? How can you plan for them in advance so they don’t effect your priorities too much?

Daily Spiritual Disciplines

Today’s blog corresponds to one of the points from Andy’s message at the Family Life Meeting on Saturday Night. If you didn’t have a chance to hear the message you can download soon here.

We can enjoy peace in busyness through daily spiritual disciplines.

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TO WORK IN THIS AREA:

· You don’t have consistent spiritual disciplines

· It is difficult to see the activity of God in your daily circumstances

· You’re can tend to complain or worry about things

Vision from God’s Word:

Philippians 4:4-7 ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Enjoying Peace through Application:

1. Commit to a Five Week Investment in Spiritual Disciplines

Option One: Daily Devotion Plan

Total Time Goal:

Devotional Reading:
Resource:
Time:

Bible Reading:
Book:
Time

Prayer Time:

Option Two: 5x5x5 Plan

Over the next five weeks increase whatever you’re current devotional plan is by five minutes for five days per week.

2. Set aside a 10 minute time each night to review your day and give specific thanks for the grace of God in everything that happened

3. Put yourself into a regular practice of reading spiritually rich books. For advice on how to get started, go to the Family Life Blogs from early this year in our Thursday miniseries on how to read Christian books. You can get there by hitting ‘reading’ in our blog subjects.