Buyer Beware! …

(Editor’s note: Ramona submitted this blog last spring, but it coming off of a message on the family in the culture it seemed apropos. And, hopefully, spring is coming soon!)

The weather has changed—its warm—and so comes the yearly ritual of the ‘changing of the clothing.’ As usual, I am amazed at how quickly my children have grown. The summer clothing I diligently packed away in the fall seems to have shrunk in the bins that housed them during the colder months. And so off to the local department stores to fill in the gaps in my kids’ summer wardrobes.

I just returned from such a trip almost empty handed and with a sad heart. Though there were more than enough clothing options available—even at a reasonable cost—I was unwilling to buy into the ‘cultural norm’ and trade some very important principles we have used to make clothing selections for our children. In the stores I visited, the styles available for my eight year old daughter were predominately immodest and geared toward a trendy, teen pop culture that doesn’t embrace the biblical standards of modesty, humility, and appropriateness that Paul refers to in 1 Timothy 2:9 where he urges, “that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.”

Obviously, my eight year old daughter is NOT a woman. In fact, in spite of what the fashion industry would like her to believe, she’s not a teen yet either. But there is direct application to her life, none the less. My example of dress, how I relate to her on the topic of dress, what I purchase for her wear, and what I allow her to wear now, in her elementary years, will ultimately tutor her heart either toward godly virtues of purity, modesty and self-control, or tutor her heart toward worldly values of sinful comparison, worldly acceptance, and gaining attention through her appearance.

Buyer beware! That cute little mid-drift top with spaghetti ties at the shoulder may deliver more than you bargained for as your daughter becomes progressively desensitized to our culture and its sensual trappings.

C.J. Mahaney has done some outstanding teaching in this area, and has written a chapter on modesty in "Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World" (you can order it at a special sale price at the ginormous sale ). It’s called “God, My Heart, and Clothes.” It’s wisdom for women of any age.

Also, please take some time to look over the Modesty Check List which will help you not only care for your daughters, but sharpen your convictions for yourself as well.

God’s Graces and Wedding Dresses

Welcome back to Tuesday’s at Fivebucks. Happy Thanksgiving – and don’t forget to get that turkey out to defrost!

Mark and I just married off our second daughter in 9 months. WHEW!! Even though we are still trying to catch our breath, it has been a real joy to see our girls marry godly men and begin their own families. We have found that the wedding day has been a unique context where biblical convictions really come into play, and where the Gospel makes those convictions a joy to apply.

We’ve learned that weddings are about details and choices. There are SO many of them that it can seem overwhelming: the guest list, the bridesmaids' dresses, the flowers, the stamps that go on the envelopes, its mind-boggling. Each detail requires discussion, agreement and a decision, and our (mine, Mark, the girls and the husbands-to-be's) desire was to honor God in every opportunity.

For example, the process of choosing a wedding dress is not only a “fashion” decision, but one that needs to be shaped by biblical convictions regarding dress. If you’ve looked at any wedding magazines, or have been in a bridal shop, recently you know that finding an elegant, yet modest, wedding dress isn’t an easy task. Before the “great shopping expedition” began, Mark and I took time to ask our girls about the kind of wedding dress they would want and why. Questions like: “what kind of a dress are you hoping for?” “what dresses have you seen that you like?” “are there any changes you would make to a favorite dress? What are they, and why would you make those changes?” Like all girls who dream about their wedding day, they desired a dress that would be beautiful. But each of our girls desired a dress that would honor God by displaying not just the beauty of the bride, but biblical modesty as well. I remember saying to them regularly, "Dad and I desire for you to be the most beautiful bride for your husband ... and you will be!"

When you are thinking in terms of beauty and modesty, its not like there is a list at the end of Habakkuk or somewhere that lays it out for you. There are important passages in God’s word that guide us (Proverbs 31, 1 Peter 3:1-6 for example). But our views of beauty and modesty are shaped by our hearts, which should be shaped by the whole counsel of God’s word. As we prepared for our dress-buying expedition, we found that talking through these questions in light of God’s word became great fellowship. Even though we didn’t always agree, these conversations revealed that my daughters and I were on the same page in terms of looking for a dress that would be elegant, fashionable and modest. We also wanted Mark to give the final approval before buying a dress. So, with our convictions and process in tow we found that it is possible, through some creativity and hard work, to find a dress that honored God and that the girls loved. Some of my daughters' favorite dresses simply required some extra fabric and tailoring (and by the way, we have some wonderful women in this church who can really sew!). What we thought was going to be a painful process turned out by God’s grace to be an adventure in finding the dress God himself had picked out for each daughter before we even started the process.

So whether you’re a Mom, or bride to be, the Gospel gives you rock solid reason to anticipate the goodness of God in the details and decisions of wedding planning. Yes it’s a process of praying, planning, working hard, crying, laughing, laughing and crying at the same time, and desperately praying some more. But as Mark, our daughters (and sons!), and I have reflected on the last 9 months, we’ve realized that God had wonderful plans of his own for us in our wedding planning process. And they go far beyond what kind of stamps go on the invitations.

Some other great thoughts on wedding dresses can be found on Girl Talk.