Welcome back to Tuesday’s at Fivebucks. Happy Thanksgiving – and don’t forget to get that turkey out to defrost!
Mark and I just married off our second daughter in 9 months. WHEW!! Even though we are still trying to catch our breath, it has been a real joy to see our girls marry godly men and begin their own families. We have found that the wedding day has been a unique context where biblical convictions really come into play, and where the Gospel makes those convictions a joy to apply.
We’ve learned that weddings are about details and choices. There are SO many of them that it can seem overwhelming: the guest list, the bridesmaids' dresses, the flowers, the stamps that go on the envelopes, its mind-boggling. Each detail requires discussion, agreement and a decision, and our (mine, Mark, the girls and the husbands-to-be's) desire was to honor God in every opportunity.
For example, the process of choosing a wedding dress is not only a “fashion” decision, but one that needs to be shaped by biblical convictions regarding dress. If you’ve looked at any wedding magazines, or have been in a bridal shop, recently you know that finding an elegant, yet modest, wedding dress isn’t an easy task. Before the “great shopping expedition” began, Mark and I took time to ask our girls about the kind of wedding dress they would want and why. Questions like: “what kind of a dress are you hoping for?” “what dresses have you seen that you like?” “are there any changes you would make to a favorite dress? What are they, and why would you make those changes?” Like all girls who dream about their wedding day, they desired a dress that would be beautiful. But each of our girls desired a dress that would honor God by displaying not just the beauty of the bride, but biblical modesty as well. I remember saying to them regularly, "Dad and I desire for you to be the most beautiful bride for your husband ... and you will be!"
When you are thinking in terms of beauty and modesty, its not like there is a list at the end of Habakkuk or somewhere that lays it out for you. There are important passages in God’s word that guide us (Proverbs 31, 1 Peter 3:1-6 for example). But our views of beauty and modesty are shaped by our hearts, which should be shaped by the whole counsel of God’s word. As we prepared for our dress-buying expedition, we found that talking through these questions in light of God’s word became great fellowship. Even though we didn’t always agree, these conversations revealed that my daughters and I were on the same page in terms of looking for a dress that would be elegant, fashionable and modest. We also wanted Mark to give the final approval before buying a dress. So, with our convictions and process in tow we found that it is possible, through some creativity and hard work, to find a dress that honored God and that the girls loved. Some of my daughters' favorite dresses simply required some extra fabric and tailoring (and by the way, we have some wonderful women in this church who can really sew!). What we thought was going to be a painful process turned out by God’s grace to be an adventure in finding the dress God himself had picked out for each daughter before we even started the process.
So whether you’re a Mom, or bride to be, the Gospel gives you rock solid reason to anticipate the goodness of God in the details and decisions of wedding planning. Yes it’s a process of praying, planning, working hard, crying, laughing, laughing and crying at the same time, and desperately praying some more. But as Mark, our daughters (and sons!), and I have reflected on the last 9 months, we’ve realized that God had wonderful plans of his own for us in our wedding planning process. And they go far beyond what kind of stamps go on the invitations.
Some other great thoughts on wedding dresses can be found on Girl Talk.
1 comment:
Thanks so much for this very thoughtful personal testimony about this topic. We had a similar experience this summer with a bridesmaid dress. We went to the bridal salon looking for a lavendar dress. There were only 2 types of dress available off the rack--strapless (or very thin straps) or ones with a very deep v-neck. We chose the spaghetti strap dress that was the most modest we could find and seemed to cover all the important parts but it was a learning experience as we talked with dad about what standards of modesty would dictate for the final outcome of the dress we chose. For myself, I was willing to "bend" a bit because the world's standards for formal wear make a different standard of modesty "acceptable." I was able to refer to the reading I'd done as a result of the Girl Talk coverage of the topic and through the wise counsel of my husband the dress in its final form (much different than it was off the rack and skillfully altered by one of the seamstresses in our church) was modest and beautiful. I now have a new appreciation of the challenges of finding modest wedding wear and have deep respect for the Praters and others who have wisely considered the topic of modesty for their weddings and lead the way for those of us to come after. Thanks for sharing, Jill!
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