LiveScience has just released and article called, “Marriage: It’s Only Going to Get Worse.” And, if that uplifting title failed to encourage you, perhaps the opening pair of sentences will help. “If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together.”
Let’s admit it: they are probably correct. Most couples probably do feel their spouses grow more irritating and demanding. What do we do now?
We admit that this cannot be God’s intention for us. And, we press deeper into what’s going on here. Consider this:
When we are irritated, we assume that if the people and circumstances around us changed, we’d be fine. But what if the change lies not in our circumstances or in our spouse, but within us? This story might help. Shortly after their wedding in 1953, John realized that his new wife Joanne had a little habit of leaving tissues around the house. He chose to overlook it.
Fifteen years passed and John had overlooked it long enough. This became a source of irritation for John and tension developed in their marriage. Twenty-five years later, John and Joanne have grown weary of bickering over this little habit. There is distance between them and a current of resentment simmers under the surface, until Joanne is called home.
One day, when trying to fish a pen from between the sofa cushions, John grabs instead a crumpled tissue. Memories of love fill his heart…and eyes.
Nothing about the tissues changed at all. So, what could possibly account for the change of response from annoyance and irritation to love and joy? A change in John, of course. What the tissues meant to John changed. At first, they were an eccentricity of his lovely wife. They gradually became a sign showing Joanne’s lack of consideration. They ended up being a treasured memorial.
How can we accomplish this change in perspective while our spouse is still with us…while it can have an effect on our marriages now?
1. Recognize that your spouse is a gift. If we treasure the person of our spouse more than the comfort they provide us, we are positioned to receive their eccentricities as a gift rather than an annoyance. We will also avoid the trap of allowing small, inconsequential traits to effect our relationship.
2. Recognize that you yourself have traits that could be annoying. Yes, it’s true. Those who are close to you in your life either point them out to you regularly or daily love you in spite of them.
God’s call on our marriages does not fade or change as anniversaries turn from silver to gold. We are to reflect the loving relationship between Christ and His church. So, fight the tendency to see your marriage as a series of sprints. That type of endurance will fade into annoyance.
Marriage is a glorious marathon. Yet, it is better than a marathon because you don’t run it alone. You get to run it together with your spouse. Run in such a way that you cross the finish line together…and glad to be that way.
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