Short, Bald, and Victimized

I read an article recently in the US Today Money section called “The Bald Truth About CEO’s” (3/14/08). The gist of the article was this: If you want to make your mark in business, you’d better be tall and have good hair (this presumably means you’re male as well). But if you can’t have all that, it is better to be bald than short. In fact 95% of an unscientific survey of executives said that bald is better than short in the boardroom.

As a guy who is both bald(ing) and short, not to mention stocky, this bit of news did not make my day. But now I finally understand why I’ve been passed over for all those top dog corporate jobs - like general manager of the 76rs. I mean, these jobs open up and get filled and I never even get a call for an interview!

So apparently I’m a victim of follicle/footage discrimination. But wait, it gets worse. According to the article, I am also a victim of ‘baby-faced bias’ (you only have to see my new driver’s license to see how this applies to me.) As the article states,

“Yale University psychology professor Leslie Zebrowski has written extensively about how people with round faces and other traits that resemble babies are perceived to be more immature in the workplace and in the courtroom by juries and judges.”

Providentially, my grades were never good enough for law school, so I’ve been spared the humiliation of being treated like an infant by judges and juries all these years. Yet I find great commonality with my baby-faced attorney brethren out there. I feel your pain.

I am not without inspiration in this battle against injustice. I do have my patron saints of short and bald. Zacchaeus for one. Martin Luther. And Danny DeVito. And the former president of Starbucks, who speaks for all of us SBBF’s (short, bald, baby-faced) when he comments,

“I mean, look at Mitt Romney. Lots of hair. Tall and good-looking. Sure didn’t help him. Compare him to the Dalai Lama: short, no hair, not exactly a looker.”

I can’t buy the Dalai Lama’s religion, but if you’re an SBBF you’ve got to identify with the guy as a fellow victim of discrimination.

What I’ve realized in all this is that it doesn’t take much to make me a victim. A newspaper article will do just fine. Or maybe an email that doesn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. A mistake by my bank. When my wife doesn’t melt in mercy and compassion when I complain about my day. I can get to victimization from any of them.

I like being a victim. It allows me to justify all kinds of attitudes. It absolves me of being concerned about anyone but myself. But there is something about being an SBBF that nags at me. I like some of the benefits, but I don’t think short, bald and baby-faced is all I want to be. It seems that I have a choice – to look for reasons to be a victim, or to look for reasons to be a disciple. And when I think about the Savior who gave himself for me (Is. 53:7) I realize that my petty victimizations actually cost me far more than being a disciple ever could.