Avoiding Marital Shorthand

Do you remember the show M*A*S*H? Remember that teddy-bear-loving, company clerk, Radar O’Reilly? He had the uncanny ability of finishing other people’s thoughts and sentences. He began carrying out directions before his superior officer was done giving them. After a while, particularly with Colonel Henry Blake, the instructions became incomplete and spotty because he already knew what Colonel Blake was going to say.

Have you noticed this can sometimes happen in our marriages? One spouse starts a thought and the other finishes it. At times, this can be a great asset and, I suppose, it’s only natural as people get to know each other. But, as beneficial as this can be, there is often a dangerous side effect that is not nearly as helpful…I call it marital shorthand.

Rather than, “Gina, can you please get me a drink of water” it becomes “Hon, I need some water.” Rather than, “Gina, I’m so sorry for what I said, will you please forgive me for being insensitive and vengeful?” it becomes “Hon, I was an idiot.”

We assume, because our spouse knows our thoughts, that they know we are thankful…they know we are sorry. And, before long, we drift from incomplete thoughts, such as those listed above, to the unspoken thought. “She knows I love her…she doesn’t need me to say it.” Marital shorthand on a steep decline.

How can you know if you’ve fallen victim to marital shorthand? Here’s just a couple helpful signs:

- The absence of basic manners: Assuming that basic manners are a regular part of your life with your friends and co-workers, the absence of basic manners with your spouse could indicate the presence of marital shorthand. Take the time to say please, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry, will you forgive me, your welcome, God bless you, etc. It’s worth the effort.

- Creating offenses where none were intended: Though there are additional reasons this might be occurring, it is worth asking the question, “Has my curtness of speech created an offense?”

- Is my manner of speaking significantly different than when we first got married?: Do you tell your spouse of your love as often as you once did? Are you as intentional with your words now as you were 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago?

In addition to these symptoms, one sign of caution should be pointed out to you. You may be newly married or in a present state of marital bliss. You should know that on the final step before the plunge into marital shorthand stands a sign which reads, “Sweetheart, this could never happen to us!” If you’ve said that during your reading of this blog, buckle your seat belt…you’re probably in for a plunge.

Marital shorthand comes on like a friend: “I guess we’re getting to know each other really well…look how comfortable we are talking to each other.” But, in the end, it serves as a fierce enemy: “What ever happened to our love? We’re not as close as we once were.”

Celebrate when you are so close that you can finish each other’s sentences. Such relational intimacy is worth celebrating. After all, Radar was a handy guy to have around. However, when you lose kindness and grace from your speech, cancel the celebration and start a prayer meeting. Such conversational carelessness will surely work against you and your marriage in the end.