Knowing the State of the Union

I hate roofs. No, not the concept of roofs…I’m thankful for that. I just hate being on roofs. From the second my foot touches a shingle to the second it touches the earth, I feel like I’m going to fall. (Thankfully, we now have a rancher…very kind of God.)

Shortly after we moved into our previous home, a friend asked me what the condition of the roof was. I assured him everything was okay. Of course, as you might have guessed, I had never been up there. But there were no leaks, no draft problems, so everything must be okay. However, to truly know the condition of the roof, actually going up and looking at it might be a good place to start.

So, let me be that friend to you…how’s your marriage? “No leaks…no draft problems…it must be okay.” However, just like a roof, if you wait for problematic symptoms to arise, the fix is so much harder and the damage so much greater. How much better to know about a problem before it finds you.

Knowing the state of your marital union is an important protection in all marriages. This requires a few simple, but crucial, elements:

- Scheduled Communication: Set up 3-4 evenings spread throughout the year for the sole purpose of discussing the state of your union. The same questions each time can serve in fresh ways, since no marriage is exactly the same even three months later. Or, pick four main topics and cover just one topic each evening. Topics such as communication, family schedule, intimacy, and parenting can serve as conversation starters.

- Humility: Each of you needs to be prepared to share some potentially difficult things with your spouse. The degree of your humility in sharing will often determine how well it is received. Also, you need to be prepared to hear some hard things about places where you may be falling short. Accepting that you are quite capable of falling short (and may be really good at it in some areas) will serve your marriage.

- In-Between Conversations: It’s not good to save ALL of your constructive marital conversation for these special times. A culture of open communication as a standard part of marital life will go a long way in helping the state of your union remain good. This requires an atmosphere where it is safe to share. Humility fits perfectly here.

Two closing thoughts.

Guys, the impetus for this rests on you. As the God-appointed leader, it will be you to whom God looks for an answer to the state of your union. Open up your calendars and make room for the most important earthly relationship you have.

Ladies, even though the onus rests on the men, you have been given to him as a helper. Guys as flawed as we are need to know when we are drifting, or missing it altogether. You have a front row seat to the state of your union. Tell your husband, in humility of course, where you feel a conversation or a time of prayer would be helpful.

Each year, the President of the United States longs to be able to say that the state of the union “is good.” Such ought to be our goal. Our calling is higher and our union more important. Though the government is given to us as provision from God, our marriages reflect His relationship with His church. With the stakes as high as that, it is important that we know the state of the union.