Did we lose God?

It’s been a pretty heady week in the Family Life Blog, so let’s close it out on a light note. Did you ever feel that God has gotten lost in your family? Let this little story remind you that He is not nearly so easy to misplace as we think He is.

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Finally they went to their pastor to see if he could help the boys. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first, and without the older boy. So the mother brought him to the pastor’s office and sat outside while the boy went in. The pastor stared at the boy from across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the pastor pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?” The boy looked at the pastor, but said nothing. Again, louder, the pastor pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?” The boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the pastor leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?” The boy panicked and ran out of the room and past his mother all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble.” The older boy asked, "What do you mean BIIIIG trouble?” His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."

Operation Overload!

Phil Ryken, Senior Pastor at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, blogged recently in Reformation 21.org on the issue of overload in our lives – that sense of too much to do, to think, to handle that we all increasingly feel. He describes his own struggle with it,

“I’ve felt that way a number of times recently. I felt overloaded when we made a few small domestic renovations and our home was in something more than its usual disarray. I felt the same way when I went to delete the messages in my inbox archive and discovered that more than ten thousand emails had accumulated since the end of last summer. And I felt that way when I went to count the books on my “recently acquired, really important to read books shelf”—or shelves, actually, plus some piles on the floor—and discovered that I am now 157 books behind (not counting the pile beside my bed at home).”

Ryken describes overload as the inevitable effect of progress in our lives. The more we accomplish, the more responsibility we take on, the more we have, the more cluttered and pressed our lives become. He quotes the words of a pastor of the 1800’s which could easily be spoken today,

“The more we watch the lives of men, the more we see that one of the reasons why men are not occupied with great thoughts and interests is the way in which their lives are overfilled with little things.”

Ryken offers some great antidotes to overload which I will summarize here:

First, whatever you do, make time for communion with Christ. That’s how things come into perspective.

Second, embrace your finitude. As he says it so well,

“Rather than feeling anxious and distressed about everything you’re not getting done or always complaining that you need more time, take satisfaction in the many daily reminders that you are not God.”

Third, chose wisely. The hardest choices are between good things and best things.

If you want to read the whole post; go here

Let’s not let overload become our overlord.

Oh….I love you too

This past Saturday night we had a full lobby of married and engaged folks listening to great jazz, eating unhealthy food, and enjoying the gift of marriage together in our Sweet Serenade. As part of registration, we asked each couple to answer the question, “What is the sweetest thing your husband or wife ever said to you?” We selected the three we thought were most meaningful and awarded gifts to the couples who submitted them. The three top answers are at the bottom of this post.

But there were a number of responses that were VERY interesting. At first they didn’t seem to exude romance, but if you look at them a certain way… It’s kind of like when your wife buys you a bunch of shirts that twenty year olds wear because she doesn’t want you to ‘look as old as you are’. At first you might be tempted to take offense, but then you step back and see that she cares about your looks and you say,

Oh….I love you too!

Or when your husband takes you on a surprise date which turns out to be hockey tickets down near the glass because he wants you to be part of his best experiences. At first you might be tempted to wonder if he thinks hockey is romantic, then you step back and see he wants to spend his best time with you, and you say,

“Oh….I love you too!”

These are the top ten “Oh…I love you too!” comments actually received during our registration. Somehow these have become the answers to the question, “What is the sweetest thing my spouse has ever said to me?” I’ll leave it to you to figure out how.

· I like that you like that I like you!!!

· Spending time with you is better than football

· "Yes I will, and you're not a loser."

· Where could I go to find another woman like you?

· I got a fluttery feeling after you scrubbed the tub!

· "I'm glad I'm not married to your sister."

· I love you in the morning, even with your stinky breath

· Talk to me like you would your girlfriends

· Your love is like a steaming hot bath…after I got used to it, it wasn't so hot.

· Please don't kiss me goodnight, tonight because I'm tired and you know it always starts something that takes longer than I have

And finally, here are our winners:

A note by my coffee cup on to morning of my birthday: “To the youngest, most beautiful 70 year old person in West Chester, Chester County, PA, the US and the entire world. I love you.” - Doyle and Marlene Hayes

“God brought me to you, and you brought me to God.” - Gary and Joy Lehndorff

Marry Me…again - Jim and Maryann Newby

The Rescuing Value of Fellowship

In our community groups we’ve identified some characteristics of fellowship in a little poem: Truth reigns, humility grows….Prayer covers, encouragement flows. Christina Roth shares how this experience of fellowship served her recently.

For any who do not know, my husband Bill works for the Philadelphia 76ers. When basketball season begins Bill is out many nights and my life undergoes a drastic change. Our family LOVES when Bill is home. Everything becomes louder, (a lot louder) and so much fun and laughter fills our home. Bill also loves to care for me by offering to do anything that I was unable to complete during the day – even things like folding laundry and vacuuming! He does it all. So you can see how I can tend to lose vision when he is not home a lot. One night while meeting with my girlfriends (three wonderful women and I meet once a month for fellowship and accountability), I was complaining about my experience of NBA basketball. My girlfriend Barb, in a sweet & humble way, said to me, “Christina, don’t give yourself permission to complain and feel sorry for yourself. Being a mom and a wife is your calling and it is what you were created to do.”

As she spoke these words I knew it was the Lord and I started to cry. It was like she was shining the light on my heart to expose the pride, lack of faith and self-pity that had taken root there. I was grateful for the Lord’s correction and after the ladies prayed for me I was freshly filled with joy and strength. This was one instance of many where fellowship has rescued me from myself. Fellowship included me humbling myself by opening up my struggle. Sisters spoke truth into my situation. They encouraged me by reminding me of God's amazing grace. And they prayed for me, lifting me beyond myself toward the Savior.

1 John 1 :7 says "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." This is so true! Let's walk in the light together where sweet fellowship, forgiveness and joy await us!

Glory Little By Little

In our typical self assessment, we can so often look at failures, weaknesses and struggles as the true state of our souls. Isn’t it great that there is something going on in, and through, and underneath the challenges of the Christian life that ultimately defines who we are? That’s what Paul is saying to the messy Christians in Corinth when he writes,

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

John Calvin wrote the following application on this verse in his Commentaries which I find very helpful.

“Observe, that the design of the gospel is this - that the image of God, which had been effaced by sin, may be stamped anew upon us, and that the advancement of this restoration may be continually going forward in us during our whole life, because God makes his glory shine forth in us by little and little.” (This quote comes from the brothers at First Importance)


Do you feel like you are a slow learner and stumbling grower in the walk of faith? Take comfort from Paul, and from Calvin – your ‘little by little’ glory advances are no less glorious than if God had made you holy all at once.

Parenting, Round Two

Last week my third born daughter turned thirteen, now I have three teenagers and a whole new level of activity in my parenting. Seems like our gas budget is always on “blown.” But, sometimes lost in the wake of all our teen parenting, remain two very young daughters, what I call, “Parenting: Round Two.”

I’ve known about this phenomenon for some time. My wife, the last born of six, has barely a baby picture to remember her childhood. By the time she hit the toddler years, mom and dad were inundated with teens. Lois charged me in the early years of our parenting, “I want lots of pictures of ALL of our children.” She forgot to mention video. Our video log ended after our first two children.

Anyway, what I realized recently is that I had all but given up reading to my youngest two daughters. I did all kinds of reading with the older bunch but had not read much to the younger ones. So, recently I started the first Little House book, “Little House in the Big Woods”, and just in the nick of time. Anna and Amelia are still young enough to enjoy the same stories her siblings came to love.

Looking around the church, I see I’m not the only one in Parenting – Round Two. Some couples like us have larger families, others have adopted a second round and a few, well, round two came as a surprise. Often what happens is the work of investing in our younger kids gets spread between parents and older siblings. This can be a great building block for a family, but it can unintentionally rob us of the small joys of parenting our younger children with the same personal investment we gave to our first children.

So, I’m writing this to pass on to all of us a reminder. Get the camera out, read a story, make a snowman this winter or dust off that special tradition you did with your firstborn children in round one. Round Two can have all the special moments of Round One, plus in-house babysitters as a bonus!

Of Mice and Men

Last week we finished up a series in Practical Matters on Reading Christian books. Just to show you how diverse Practical Matters can be, I’d like to take us in an entirely different practical direction – dealing with Varmints.

I’ve never read John Steinbeck’s tragic novella, “Of Mice and Men”, however I have been living my own novella as some furry little mice have taken up residence in this man’s house!

Yep, the Vander Weide’s have ‘critter issues.’

Apparently the varmints that lived where the new Home Depot and Target are now situated have migrated south to my neighborhood.

Jill woke up very early the other day, flipped on the light, and discovered two beady eyes staring up in astonishment. You could say it was a ‘Ratatouille moment,’ but this field mouse did not have fine cuisine on his mind!

My job as the husband/dad is to protect my family from the fleas, ticks and hantavirus these rascals can carry. (My former training as a medical news producer can be a blessing and a curse! - If you’re looking for mouse-trapping motivation, click here)

A trip to the new Home Depot (note the irony) and I quickly had mousetraps in hand. I’ve tried different brands and methods over the years, but I’ve settled on Victor traps with the yellow-plastic simulated-cheese bait pad. I add a smear of peanut butter (Jif – creamy) and strategically place the traps with the bait side against the wall.

The next morning, our mouse problem was resolved. Quick, clean and inexpensive – Victor traps are two for a dollar. Why not catch and release? I haven’t found live traps to be very effective. The mice in my neighborhood are criminal geniuses that can smell a live trap a mile away. I also don’t like the thought of accidentally leaving a live animal in a trap for what could be days. Poisons work, but you can never be certain. If you have curious pets you’ll want to restrict their access to traps. A spot behind a heavy piece of furniture is ideal.

Now that my in-home interloper has been evicted, I’ve moved on to my garage which seems to be the welcome center for these furry opponents. Last season I trapped a record THIRTY-ONE (that’s not a typo!). This year I’m at 8 and counting. I learned that the majority are not mice, but voles! I know this because I asked Marty during a recent Family Life Department meeting. We broke for lunch and I offered the question – what’s the difference between a mole and a vole? (Typical lunch conversation!) Andy replied, “Voles are from Tennessee.” That’s a Vol, Andy… as in Volunteer. Marty said, “Voles look like mice, but have smaller eyes and shorter, hairy tails. Voles are herbivores, moles are carnivorous. (If this strikes you as unusual that someone would know so much about this topic, then you don’t know Marty) And moles have pig-looking snouts.” After some snout inspections it was determined I have a voles in my flower beds. They’ve killed all my hostas by eating the bulbs. They also enjoy my garage during the wet weather.

Thankfully, it seems they like creamy Jif.

Sweet Serenade

Last week on Wedded Wednesday we talked about how to avoid the Valentine’s guilt trap. But it’s still February and we’re all looking for some ways to warm up our marriage fires. Well Sweet Serenade is just what the doctor ordered. All the info is below – the evening is free. We’d just ask that you let us know you’re coming by registering on the web site so we’ll know how many folks to expect.

In addition to the entertainment, we’ll be giving away prizes including copies of the brand new audio book of “When Sinners Say, I Do”.

When: Saturday, February 23 7:30 p.m.

What: Desserts, entertainment and music from Jump City Jazz

Where: Covenant Fellowship

Who it’s for: All married & engaged couples

Dress: Nice casual (no jeans please)

Cost: FREE! Just RSVP here

Shutting Off The Tractor Beam

I love my home. It’s comfy. It’s got all my favorite stuff, my favorite books, my favorite colors—most of all, my favorite people. And God has invited me to live out my calling primarily in this wonderful place.

But sometimes this cozy haven wields a strange magnetic power over me. I let the endless tasks and needs and chores and projects pull me in and in and in. Instead of functioning as the well-rounded, interesting, creative person God called each of us to be, I become flat; robotic; task-oriented; droid-like. Yuck.

When the Millennium Falcon got caught in the tractor beam of the Death Star, Ben Kenobi had to go in and shut the thing down (if this analogy doesn’t make sense, just ignore it). When my home starts to exercise tractor-beam pull on my life, something needs to be done. But shutting down the whole Donohue residence seems a bit extreme. Here are a couple ideas that have gotten me out of the tractor beam, but leave the home I love intact. You probably have a list of your own.

Get out once a week (if you’re a hermit-type, ask your husband to kick you out) to a place where you can think. It could be Starbucks or a park or the library. Take an hour or so to read something about God, something that enlarges your mind and draws you out of yourself and near to God. I promise you’ll leave refreshed.

Turn on great music as you make dinner, and turn it up loud. Worship music can usher us right into the presence of God, helping us see our lives in perspective. Sometimes other good music can bring us out of our self-focused fog too. The other week I was blaring Les Miz while chopping veggies, letting its grand, grace-filled themes inspire me. I turned around to see three of my kids marching through the house with drums and swords shouting, “Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men…” I turned it down.

Go outside for a walk or a two minute prayer outside your front door. The fresh air and God’s creation (even if it’s just the sky) can remind us that there is a world outside ourselves and our own little hovel, and there are people to love and pray for and serve and good works that God’s prepared for us to do. Breathe it in.

Purpose to talk with your husband or friend about something impractical, something thought-provoking. Rip your mind free of the task list for an hour.

Plan a once a week drop in on a neighbor – maybe call ahead and arrange it, but plan on getting into somebody else’s solar system each week – particularly neighbors who don’t know the Savior.

Most importantly, ask God each morning for his perspective on your day. We need help to see outside our little kingdoms into his great glorious one!

Which Gospel Matters to You?

In the Summer 2007 edition of “The Journal of Biblical Counseling”, David Powlison, in an article entitled “The Therapeutic Gospel”, gives a very helpful contrast between the Therapeutic Gospel (what the world would have us to believe about ourselves and our true needs) and the True Gospel (what God says about us and our true needs). It is worth summarizing because we can all tend to view ourselves through the lens of the Therapeutic Gospel – it is the way of the world around us.

The Therapeutic Gospel promises to feed the following wants:

· I want to feel loved for who I am, to be pitied for what I’ve gone through, to feel intimately understood, to be accepted unconditionally.

· I want to experience a sense of personal significance and meaningfulness, to be successful in my career, to know my life matters, to have an impact.

· I want to gain self-esteem, to affirm that I am ok, to be able to assert my opinions and desires.

· I want to be entertained, to feel pleasure in the endless stream of performances that delight my eyes and tickle my ears.

· I want a sense of adventure, excitement, action, and passion so that I experience life as thrilling and moving.

Do any of these desires sound familiar? These are the desires of people who have their basic needs for food, shelter and safety met. We all identify with such desires and all have them, but when they rule our lives they send us to different gods and different truths than the Sovereign God and his eternal truth.

The True Gospel brings us back to reality as God rules over it, defines our true needs as creatures made in His image, and reworks our wants in the process:

· I need mercy above all else.

· I want to learn wisdom, and unlearn willful self-preoccupation.

· I need to learn to love both God and neighbor.

· I long for God’s name to be honored, for His kingdom to come, for His will to be done on earth.

· I want Christ’s glory, loving-kindness, and goodness to be seen on earth, to fill the earth as obviously as water fills the ocean.

· I need God to change me from who I am by instinct, choice, and practice.

· I want Him to deliver me from my obsessive self-righteousness, to slay my lust for self-vindication, so that I feel my need for the mercies of Christ, so that I learn to treat others gently.

· I need God’s mighty and intimate help in order to will and to do those things that last unto eternal life, rather than squandering my life on vanities.

· I want to learn how to endure hardship and suffering in hope, having my faith simplified, deepened, and purified.

· I need to learn, to listen, to worship, to delight, to trust, to give thanks, to cry out, to take refuge, to obey, to serve, to hope.

· I want the resurrection to eternal life.

· I need God Himself.

Which gospel will be your answer this week?

A New Generation Gap?

There was an interesting article in USAToday recently on a possible growing generation gap in how people use communication media. An article entitled “Online Privacy? For Young People That’s Old School” first published October 22, 2007, discussed how the internet, cell phones, etc, have revolutionized the way young people deal with relationships, and how they even view what others know about them. As one young person put it,

"Maybe that's the main difference between the current generation and older generations. We want to be in touch with people and our friends and stay connected through the Internet, whereas security and privacy is maybe a secondary concern to us."

For parents with kids who are Facebook/Myspace oriented and internet/cell phone savvy, how does this comment strike you? Do you value your children being in touch with people more than their security and privacy? Note that the article doesn’t say that kids don’t care about such things. It simply implies that in today’s world, kids might be willing to sacrifice something we think is important, in order to get something they think is more important.

Technology shapes us. It is shaping our children. The question is, do we like the mold into which they are being shaped?

To read the complete article, go here.

20 Reasons to Read (Good Christian Books)…

In this final installment on How to Read Christian Books, I want to offer a list of “20 Reasons to Read (Good Christian Books)…”, which comes from Unashamed Workman, a blog by Colin Adams, a Baptist pastor in Edinburgh Scotland.

1. You will grow in your knowledge of God, yourself and the world around you
2. You will gain a better understanding of the bible, the book of books
3. You will broaden your English vocabulary, helping you to express similar truths to your congregation (or family) in fresh ways
4. You will have an improved imagination and actively engage your mind in a way that probably won’t occur when watching TV
5. You will be able to sit at the feet of some of the great Christian teachers and minds over the centuries (even if you have few ‘living’ teachers to assist you)
6. You will be forced to cease from incessant activity and think
7. You will receive a historical perspective on current problems and spot present day blind spots
8. You will have some of your questions answered and confront other questions you hadn’t even thought of
9. You will be able to practically apply Paul’s command to think upon “wholesome” things
10. You will develop a sense of how arguments are constructed and be able to weigh both strong and weak arguments
11. You will enjoy spiritual input during the week, not just on a Sunday (if not a pastor)
12. You will (if a pastor) be able to engage with other issues beyond this week’s text, thus broadening your perspective.
13. You will be able to mull over a subject. You will be able to put the book down to think, chew over a sentence or re-read a paragraph. You will be able to exploring an issue at length, rather than brush over a topic too quickly
14. You will be better prepared for the task of evangelism, after reading clear presentations of the gospel by great communicators
15. You will be better prepared for the task of discipleship, having a good way to open up discussion about Christian life issues (what are you reading?)
16. You will be made aware of how Christians interpret and apply Scripture differently in various cultural contexts
17. You will gain information for your ignorance, inspiration for your weariness, and insight for complex problems
18. You will be better equipped to lead in your church, marriage and family
19. You will be stimulated, as in a good conversation, to new lines of thinking
20. You will be drawn to worship God, especially when the book centers on God not man

Valentine’s Eve

It’s Valentine’s Eve, and at this point the world of married couples is divided into two camps – those who have made plans to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and those who haven’t. For those who have, congratulations on your foresight, may your Valentine’s Day be a truly romantic experience.

However, for those who haven’t made plans, let me offer some practical advice (from experience – both good and bad) on how to rescue your Valentine’s Day.

First, some DON’TS:

DON’T panic. Valentine’s-oriented businesses make their money on people who panic and go for the big score to rectify a missed opportunity. Don’t buy into it.

DON’T be guilt-motivated. Your spouse can tell the difference between a thoughtful gift or romantic plan and something you’ve thrown together out of guilt. Trust me, its along way from guilt to romance.

DON’T judge or compare. I think every couple who has been married for more than a few years has an experience where one spouse’s romantic gesture seems a little more, let’s say, substantial, than the other’s. Let’s not be critical of any attempts to express love or romance.

And that leads us to some ‘DO’S’.

DO be grateful for whatever your spouse does to show love, even if it is not much different than what they might do any other day. Last time I checked Valentine’s Day was not a national holiday. Let’s not raise our expectations simply because the calendar page has flipped.

DO be honest. If you forgot it was Valentine’s Day, or never followed through with something you thought to do, acknowledge it. Consider whether the oversight was due to a sinful motive or selfish neglect. If so, confess and repent to your spouse. And Spouse – you forgive, as you have been forgiven much worse by your Father in heaven.

Do carve out a special moment. Valentine’s Day is 24 hours long. Work together to carve out a little piece of it as mutual declaration of your love for each other and your commitment to a God-glorifying marriage. Twenty minutes of ‘stop everything, you matter to me’ will do much more to build your marriage than panic driven, guilt motivated, budget busting last minute extravagance.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Submitting to Unpleasant Cures

A few weeks ago I had an ulcer sore in my mouth. It hurt to talk and the lymph nodes on my neck throbbed. I couldn't believe how such a little pain could affect just about everything. Jeff asked me what I did to try to heal it. Did I gargle with salt water? My approach to these things has always been to just let them run their course. Eventually they go away. Well this time, the little thing wasn't budging! So finally, I started the salt water treatment (I hate salt water). And lo and behold, by the end of the day I began to feel relief. Why did it take me so long to do something to address the problem? I used Ibuprofen to numb the pain, but when it came to doing something unpleasant, but actually productive, I couldn't do it.

I learned a spiritual lesson with this experience. At times I can find myself feeling rather dull. And as much as I hate to admit it, my spiritual dullness affects just about everything I do. When I'm dull, I don't have words of encouragement for my children, outbursts of sin more regularly happen, and people don't get lifted up in prayer. My approach can be, just keep keepin' on; it'll eventually go away - no need to do anything unpleasant. Yet, I'm reminded that I can't just hope to float into revival. My spiritual life is a battle, and battling is usually unpleasant – even if victory is assured. If I want to get out of my slump, I need to fight.

By the grace of God my dullness was revealed to me, and God in His mercy rescued me once again. I cried out to Him for help. Then, I made up my mind to do the unpleasant. For me it was to get up earlier the next day so that could have an extended time with the One who gives life. Obviously time with the Lord wasn’t unpleasant, but rousing myself from a warm sleep certainly was. (See chapter 2 of the Girl Talkers’ – Shopping for Time to get vision for this) Taking that first cold step of faith was what God used to breathe fresh life into my soul.

God promised the Israelites that they would win the battles that He called them to - but they still needed to fight. What’s your battle – dullness? An unreconciled relationship? An unconfessed pattern of sin? Let's not just hope that God will revive us. Let's embrace the unpleasantness that brings victory.

For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deuteronomy 20:4

Sorting Things Rightly

Today I’m turning my attention to taxes. That means it’s time to sort. I’ve got everything in a pile, which is at least a start. Now I’ve got to start sorting. I’ve got to sort 2007 stuff from 2008 stuff. Then I have to sort the 2007 stuff – what I need for taxes, what I just need to keep, what I can toss. Oh yeah, I also have to sort all the tax forms and publications – Federal, state, township, and all the statements I’ve gotten to go with them.

It’s funny, the actual doing of the taxes isn’t a big deal. It’s the sorting that makes the doing possible. If I sort well and have everything in order then the rest just kind of works.

Puritan Thomas Manton talks about the importance of sorting well in our spiritual lives.

“All trouble comes from not right sorting and comparing things: seeking that on earth which is only to be had in heaven, and seeking that in the creature which is only to be had in God, and looking for that from self which is only to be found in Christ, and seeking that in the law which is only to be had in the gospel.”

- Thomas Manton, The Life of Faith (Fearn, Great Britain: Christian Focus, 1997), 31. (this quote comes from the brothers at First Importance)

As you look at the pile of life before you this week, keep this in mind as you start sorting it out.

The Return of the Daughters

I watched a DVD recently entitled, “The Return of the Daughters”. This controversial documentary presents a radically counter-culture understanding of what a young lady should do with her life between high school graduation and marriage. Our culture assumes that young women should pursue college and career, and see marriage and family as an additional life fulfillment goal. This documentary takes viewers into the homes of several families who are all taking a very different approach. The dads in the program chose not to send their daughters to college, retaining direct care and covering over their daughters until such time as they pass this responsibility on to their future husbands. I watched the program because I feel a lot of pressure from the culture to assume my daughters must have a career outside the home so I welcomed a challenge from an alternate perspective.

Like other books, articles, I have read promoting a return to biblical patriarchy, this documentary has a weak view of the church, presenting the individual family as the pinnacle of God’s plan. Although one of the families depicted in the DVD was connected to the mission of the local church, the others were not. This ‘family-centric’ view is supportive of many things I desire for my family, but I believe my family exists for a far greater mission than simply itself. I want my family to be strong so that the mission of the Gospel proclaimed in and through the local church can be strong. Keep this in mind if you watch the program and talk to your children about it.

The message is also pretty dogmatic and one sided against sending your daughters to college after high school. But it does make you think. College, I believe is a legitimate choice, just not the best option for everyone nor a must for anyone. As the documentary claims, the message of “Return of the Daughters” is controversial, but, given how frequent we hear an anti-family, anti-homemaker message thrown at us, it is good to hear a strong argument from the other side. You might still decide to send your daughter to college, but how you make that decision and what type of post high-school life best suits your daughter might be well served by views that challenge the cultural mindset. And “Return of the Daughters” certainly does that.

To the Deep End of the Pool

After several weeks on how to read good Christian books, we’re ready to jump into the deep end of the pool. And no pool gets any deeper than the Puritan pool.

Who are the Puritans and why should we read them. Rather than answer that question here, let me refer you to an excellent article by Joel Beekes, called “Why You Should Read the Puritans” which is included in a post on The Shepherd’s Scrapbook blog.

From my perspective – the Puritans are the best antidote to the sound byte cleverness of much of what we can get from modern (and post-modern) writing. Yes, it seems like they never met a point that didn’t deserve exhaustive unpacking. Yes, they use lonnnnnng sentences and words that sometimes send you to the theological dictionary. And not all puritan writing is the same. These men like us, are products of their time. They are not writing scripture – they are trying to apply it to the real issues of ordinary people in their world.

But they are bulldog tough on one thing – ‘what would it mean if the saving work of Jesus Christ were truly applied to EVERY area of life.’ There is no tough question they aren’t willing to wrestle with. And it is in this ‘all of life’ approach to Biblical living that they are valuable to us.

So with this in mind, here are some tips on reading the Puritans.

· Don't read in bed unless you have insomnia.

· Read slowly - small chunks over time. Puritan books make great devotionals – but be prepared to be in one for several months

· Don’t get caught up in all the arguments. The Puritan approach was generally to make a statement, then support it and argue away all the objections to it. Rather than getting lost in all the arguments, try to keep tracing the main point all the way through

· You really want to mark puritan books (see last weeks blog for pointers)

· Consider abridgements to begin with. Banner of Truth has created abridgement (condensed versions) of many classic puritan works that are very faithful to the full length text, but focus on the essential content. We have several titles in our Book Shoppe, or you can check out the Westminster Bookstore for a more extensive selection. The abridgements of John Owen’s “Communion With God” and “The Excellencies of Christ”, are particularly good.

· Consider reading Thomas Watson, one of the more readable Puritans. His “The Art of Divine Contentment” is a great one to start with.

· If you want to tackle something like “Overcoming Sin and Temptation” by John Owen, consider the recent edition by Kapic and Taylor. Tim Challies did a chapter by chapter study of the book on his blog.

Why not make it a point to read one puritan book in the coming year. Come on in, the water’s fine.

A Wedding Prayer

This past Saturday Jill and I had the privilege of attending the wedding of Ben Witter and Emily Farmer. It was not only a delight to watch Ben and Emily declare their wedding vows to one another, but also heart warming for us to watch our friends Mike & Robin Witter, and Andy & Jill Farmer marry off their children. Seeing the joy on Ben and Emily’s face, as well as the joy evident in their parent’s lives made Jill and me aware that we were seeing the effect of God answering many, many prayers As you would know, the need for prayer doesn’t end on our wedding day though, it continues well beyond the “altar.” That’s why I was so grateful for the prayer Dave Harvey prayed over Ben and Emily near the end of the ceremony. Dave prayed the “Puritan Wedding Prayer” and as I listened to the words it seemed to be a prayer that not only served this newly married couple, but one that can be prayed by any couple regardless of how long you have been married. So read it below, make it your own, and more importantly pray it to our good God who is eager to bless your marriage.

The Puritan Wedding Prayer

"Oh, God of love, you have established marriage for the welfare and happiness of mankind. Yours was the plan and only with You can we work it out with joy. You have said that it is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helpmate for him. Now our joys are doubled since the happiness of one is the happiness of the other. Our burdens are now halved, when we share them, we divide the load. Dear Father, we would ask that you would bless ______. Bless his as a provider of nourishment and raiment and sustain him in all the expectations and pressures of his battle for bread. May his strength be her protection, his character be her boast and her pride and may he so live that she will find in him the haven for which the heart of a woman truly longs.
And dear heavenly Father, we would ask you to bless ______. Give her tenderness that will make her great, a deep sense of understanding and a great faith in You. Give her inner beauty of soul that never fades. That eternal youth that is found in holding fast the things that never age. Teach them that marriage is not living merely for each other, it is two uniting and joining hands to serve You. Give them a great spiritual purpose in life. May they seek the kingdom of God and Your righteousness and the other things shall certainly be added unto them. Loving You best they shall love each other the more and faithful unto You, faithful unto each other they will be. May they not expect that perfection of each other that belongs alone to You. May they minimize each other’s weaknesses, be swift to praise and magnify each other’s points of comeliness and strength and see each other through a lover’s kind and patient eyes. Now make such assignments to them on the scroll of Your will as will bless them and develop their characters as they walk together. Give them a little something to forgive every day that they may grow in the grace of longsuffering. Give them enough tears to keep them tender, enough hurts to keep them human, enough failures to keep their hands clenched tightly in Yours and enough success to make them sure they walk with God. May they never take each other’s love for granted but always experience that breathless wonder that exclaims ‘out of all this world, you have chosen me.’ When life is done and the sun is setting may they be found then as now, hand in hand still thanking God for each other. May they serve You happily, faithfully together until at last one shall lay the other into the arms of Jesus. This we ask through Jesus Christ the great Lover of our souls. Amen."

Retreat!

We sat in a small book shop in Lewes Beach, Delaware, eating salads, sipping tea, and talking about our plan for the next two days. My daughter Sarah and I were away on a personal retreat together. I had wanted to do this for a while, but desire does not always equal outcome in this busy world, so I was amazed and grateful that we were actually there. The goal was to review our priorities and prayerfully seek the Lord for guidance and growth in the coming year.

After lunch, we headed for a condo in Rehoboth which friends of ours had graciously offered to us and began our retreats. After only about an hour, we both took a nap.J Slow start, but that was ok. Afterwards, we headed to town where I surprised Sarah with a salon visit and then dinner. We returned and spent more individual retreat time, watched part of a girly flick and fell asleep.

The next day I headed for the beach to see the sunrise (it was intended to be a joint adventure, but we won’t name who was still snoozingJ), and later that morning, we did the same thing all over again. We lingered over a long brunch and headed home. It really was wonderfully refreshing, and God was so faithful to meet us there.

After each session, we took the time to discuss our priorities with each other, talk about where we saw God at work and ask for input in the areas where we wanted to grow. We talked about our individual relationships with the Lord and how to grow in our love for Him, our family relationships, and what the future might bring. During my time alone and my time with Sarah, God greatly increased my faith. It’s truly amazing how reflection and time pulled away for extended prayer and thought can be such a means of grace and bring such clarity. To do it with my 21 year old daughter also builds a wonderful memory together in the Lord. Yet because of the time and money it takes as well as the effort involved pulling it all together with childcare and other variables, I often resist it. But it is so worth it!

A personal retreat can be done anytime of the year and can be done in a shorter period of time, but to begin the year afresh with this discipline seems so appropriate. I just wanted to encourage you ladies to consider this if it’s not something you already do. If you’re interested in an outline to follow during your retreat, there’s one entitled “Stand Your Ground (only retreat first)” that Amy Lynch distributed when she spoke at a session during Youth Camp ’07. It is available here and is an excellent resource.

Wisdom From A Friend

For the last 24 years, we, as a church, have enjoyed the oversight, and care of Sovereign Grace Ministries and that wonderful supply of grace from God has come primarily through our friend C.J. Mahaney. His passionate preaching that seems to always stir a fresh gratitude for the cross has shaped who we are as a church family. But, he’s also been like a father who loves us, points us in the right direction, laughs with us, and gives us wisdom when it’s most needed. I can’t tell you how many times C.J. has humbly offered us biblical wisdom that strengthened us as a local church family. It’s for that reason in particular that it seemed appropriate today, where we devote Monday’s to “Wisdom for the Week, to let you know that C.J. recently started a blog where so many more folks can benefit from his counsel, teaching, and wisdom via the blog world. Now we’re not in the habit of recommending a lot of blogs, however we want to recommend this one because we know that through it you will receive the kind of gospel-centered wisdom, discernment and perspective we all need. Keep in mind that this kind of gospel-centered input comes from a man who has lived it as a husband, father, pastor, and disciple of Jesus Christ. C.J.’s blog springs from a life that humbly has applied the gospel in the day to day, and as a result grace has produced a wonderful, cross-centered wisdom we can all benefit from. So, check it out here, and begin to apply the wisdom you find there in the coming week.

The Father on the Day Before the Wedding

My daughter Emily is getting married tomorrow. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I have no idea of what a Bride’s dad is supposed to feel. Come to think of it, even asking the question, ‘what am I supposed to feel?’, seems like a totally guy way of looking at things. But I’m feeling a lot of things, so as a public service to dads out there who might one day find themselves waking up the day before their daughter’s wedding, here is a rundown of the emotional state of a Father of the Bride.

· “I couldn’t be happier” feelings. These are my most common feelings. I couldn’t be happier that my daughter has found the man God has for her, and that we have a chance to celebrate their wedding on Saturday.

· “I’m getting old” feelings. These are sneaky. I can feel tears come to my eyes and memories flood my mind and it seems really nostalgic…then all of a sudden I realize these feelings are not about my daughter and her day, or anyone else. They’re about me getting old. Yuck. Gotta keep those feelings on a leash.

· “This is overwhelming” feelings. How did I get here? My little girl, who play-acted weddings since she could toddle around is now doing it for real. Is she ready? A room in my home that has always been filled with her presence will now be filled with something else. Am I ready?

· “I hope all these plans actually work” feelings. This feels a lot like panic. If you ever saw the original “Father of the Bride” with Spencer Tracy, these are dream sequence feelings. It’s amazing how easy it is to make a list of things that could go wrong. Suppose, for example I forget the “her mother and I do” line. Or my car explodes on the way to the wedding. Or….

· “I don’t have time for feelings” feelings. I’ve got a job to do. I’ve got a significant part to play. I’ve got a budget and details, and relatives coming in. I’ve got to focus. I’ve got women all around me – a wife and other daughters – I’ve got to manage their feelings. “I don’t have time for feelings” feelings seem to be a paradox, but I’ve got them. At least it feels like I’ve got them.

· “God is so good” feelings. These are the ones I can count on. These feelings squeeze out from my emotional chaos when I hem it in by truth. God has shown his goodness to me. He has redeemed my daughter, he has redeemed her chosen husband. The thing that really matters most to them about tomorrow is His glory. When I think of this undeserved grace on their lives, it traces quickly to undeserved grace in my life. I deserved wrath, I get blessing. It feels wrong. But the Gospel says otherwise.

There’s my feelings update. My daughter is getting married tomorrow. I can feel it.