Newly Married and 20 Years Later

So there I was sitting across the lunch table from a newly married couple. I didn’t see literal twinkles in their eyes as they spoke but they sure did have a refreshing simplicity to their conversation. Missing from the conversation were topics that a couple married twenty years would have, and rightly so. A short time later I thought to myself, if I could go back twenty years what would I do differently in our marriage? The thoughts came to me like a flood. Here are the ones that stand out:

EMPLOYMENT. My wife worked full-time for many years before we had children and is now home as a full-time Mom. Although we do not regret her having worked, we needed her income to help balance our household budget. Looking back, it would have been preferable if I had designed our budget around my income alone and instead put her income toward the down payment on a home or long-term savings so that she did not carry a burden for providing for our daily needs.

DEBT. Early on I made several misguided financial decisions resulting in debt. Here is one that still causes me to scratch my head today. I decided to bless a missionary couple with cash . . . cash that I didn’t have. I borrowed the money from a line of credit and took years to pay it off. My intentions to bless the couple were good but my method of borrowing money was bad. Today, we are wiser and with a course like Financial Peace University, we are focused on a biblical approach to finances.

INTIMACY. This one is simple. Guys, we are built like light bulbs. When the switch is turned on the light comes on instantly. Our wives are more like irons. When the switch on the iron is moved to on, the warming up process takes a little while longer than a light bulb. A simple concept but when I ignored this I revealed my lack of sensitivity to God’s design of my wife. Enough said!

DATES. Yes, we do have dates as a couple, but I have not always been consistent with getting the dates onto the calendar. Even though it’s never too late to build the consistency of dating into the schedule, early in our marriage it would have been a great practice to have them built in on a regular basis.

Don’t think I’m locked up with regrets. God can use all our experiences to His glory. We’re in a church that regularly provides us with both the vision and practical resources we need to grow and excel as husbands. Courses (like Alpha, Financial Peace University, Vital Life), sermon series (like Sola Gratia and The Money Crunch) and discussions with friends or community group members can keep us on the right track. While you have the chance, make wise decisions…they do affect your future which will be here sooner than you realize!