My husband Bill and I celebrate our anniversary just after the New Year, which makes it an ideal time to plan for the year ahead. While on an anniversary trip, we set aside some time to do just that. My husband led us through setting some measurable goals for the upcoming year in several different areas of our relationship and family life—romance, prayer together, family nights, and consistent time to talk, among them. As we shared ways in which we would like to grow in these areas over the next year, I began to see a consistent pattern in the way I have related to Bill’s leadership in them—with passivity. My mind drifted to the day before when I had been helping my fifth grader with a grammar assignment, and my own words came back to haunt me: “ ‘To help’ is an action verb. It’s not passive. It is something you do…”
I can tend to look at things as either Bill’s responsibility or mine, and lose sight of my high calling to be his helper. I cook dinner, do the laundry, care for my home and family. All of these things do help him. He provides for us, and leads in the various aspects of our family’s life. But while I value his leadership, I often neglect to actively help him as he seeks to lead. I began to ask myself some questions and invite Bill’s feedback. When he plans a date night, do I ‘go along for the ride’ or have I invested thought and effort to help make that time special? When he initiates a romantic evening, do I sleepily capitulate, or seek creative ways to let him know how special he is? When he organizes our weekly family night, do I just show up, or have I asked him how I might help him prepare?
I have a copy of our goals in my journal so that I might consistently pray for the Lord’s grace to be an active helper. And I’ve asked Bill if I can plan an occasional date or family night—not to usurp his leadership, but to actively demonstrate my care for him and the children in creative ways. He would never plan a romantic dinner that “I” cook. But how blessed he would be to come home to an empty house and his favorite meal set in fine china on the dining room table. Why not join me in eagerly seeing what the Lord will do as we invest our time, hearts, and efforts ‘to be’ the helper God has designed us to be for our husbands.
1 comment:
Thanks Ramona. What a great reminder for us as wives! As I was reading, I thought of an effective means of grace that has been part of my preparation for our weekly date night--which my husband has been faithfully providing for 25 years. I take time beforehand to consider one specific way I can encourage him for his leadership in our family (including specific examples). There has been a twofold benefit to this: 1) I get an opportunity to focus on and appreciate the blessing he is to me (rather than take him for granted), and 2) he is often visibly encouraged, sometimes even responding with tears in his eyes. I echo Ramona's encouragement "to help." Let's let our husbands be the most effective leaders they can be by purposing to help by responding AND standing alongside them as they seek to fulfill the awesome task of leading us and our families.
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