Money Matters in Marriage

Jill and I just celebrated our 24^th anniversary. One of the things we are regularly reminded of is how God seemed to design us to perfectly fit one another. We feel like a matched pair that keeps getting more matched year after year. Even our differences so often seem to complement each other. Except when it comes to money.

Now, there are some important things that we have always seen eye to eye on – a commitment to tithing, a resistance to debt, and a desire to save money. But we came into marriage with a couple of differences that, even after 24 years, can make for head-scratching moments.

One comes from our backgrounds. Jill grew up in a family where her dad made a good and consistent salary and managed his money well. Her family was not rich by any measure, but they were financially secure. One of the values her parents instilled in her is the responsibility to shop wisely. Jill came into our marriage with the perspective that you can buy what you need when you need it, but you should always make a good deal.

I came from a family where money was tighter and we had to learn to ‘do with’ and ‘do without’. Even if we needed something, finding a good deal wasn’t enough. If we spent money for one thing, it meant we needed to let something else go. Sometimes we had to let good deals go because of other more pressing needs. And sometimes we had to meet unexpected needs without the ability to shop for deals.

The way things can collide for us is that Jill can find good deals for things I don’t think we need, and I can react to needs without always making good deals. This can have obvious budget busting implications, as well as provide ample opportunity for conflict.

Another way we’re different can be said pretty simply. For Jill, saving money is worth the hassle of shopping. For me, saving the hassle of shopping is worth the money. Both within reason are understandable. But if her desire to save money causes her to spend $20 in gas to save $10 in price, that isn’t good. And if my desire to avoid shopping hassle means I’ll buy something full price rather than taking an extra half-hour to look for a good deal, that isn’t good either?

What have we learned from our differences? First, that they often reveal desires in our hearts that we are blind to because they are such a part of who we are. That’s where the conflict usually starts. Second, we understand that humility is not trying to get your spouse to see it your way, but to want to do things with our finances God’s way. Third, depending on God for faith – a loving faith to see that he brought us into our marriage with differences meant to make us more like Christ.

Can you define the money differences in your marriage? Can you see the heart motives that lie beneath them? And can you allow the Gospel to give you a redemptive perspective on your differences so that you both embrace the sanctification that comes from seeing how money matters in marriage?