Friday, May 16, 2008

What do I do with a rebellious child?

One quick note, the "Happy Mothers Day" video which was shown during the service on Mothers Day can now be viewed on our web site or by clicking here.

Jared’s testimony this two Sundays ago brought encouragement to parents whose children are rebelling against the Lord, refusing to repent of their sins. As Jared shared about the depth of his sin and God’s amazing rescue, parents of wayward children gathered hope from the power of God to reach down and rescue Jared. Even more astounding was God’s call upon him to serve in pastoral ministry and redeem the intellect once used in service to the enemy for the building of the church.

Through the years I’ve walked with parents of wayward sons and daughters through much agony and despair. I’ve watched and learned from those who have done well, and learned lessons from others whose approach seemed to further drive a wedge between them and their children. One thing I’ve learned, and Jared’s story reminds us of, is that we should never lose hope. The following are some observations I’ve drawn from my pastoral experience that might help you if this is the trial you face.

Effective parents of wayward children tended to exhibit the following:

1. They prayed. All parents should daily pray for the salvation of their children even if their prayers last decades. God is the one who draws us to himself. God is the one who saves and if we can seemingly do nothing else, we can pray – confident that God hears and responds.

2. They never stopped loving their children. The temptation is to cut children off or withhold blessing and affection so as not to “endorse their behavior.” Sure, we don’t want to enable them in their sins, but effective parents of rebellious children through the years have blown me away with an outpouring of affection upon their children. Don’t expect unbelieving children to live like born again believers. Bless them more on birthdays, if they’ve left home, invite them to non-church events, follow their lives and encourage them in their pursuits.

3. They remained aware of their own sinfulness. Don’t loose sight of how it took a work of God’s grace in your own life to save you from your sin. Self-righteousness toward a rebellious child never communicates true love. Instead, humility keeps a parent more aware of God’s grace than ever. As parents, we can’t take credit for our righteous living, and then look down upon our children as though they should know better. We have been saved by grace and transformed by grace. Our personal confessions of weakness before our children are the most effective way to communicate the Gospel and a shared need for the saving work of Jesus on the cross.

4. They never compromised truth. – A sturdy bridge of humility, prayer, and love will allow us to humbly bring the truth of God. Parents who lovingly corrected their wayward children did not give into the fear that truth would drive their children further away. The Bible is clear; truth is what sets us free. If truth, brought in love, drives your children further away, we must trust that response to our sovereign God who authored the truth we share, and who can melt the coldest heart.

If you have a teen who seems to be on a road headed away from God, prayerfully consider these thoughts, and may the Lord return your prodigal home.

You can listen to Jared’s testimony here

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