The Year of Gratitude

Tonight, we enter a new year. Many seize this annual opportunity to reflect on changes they want to make in their lives and goals they want to achieve in the upcoming year. This is a healthy and fruitful endeavor. One that is good for marriages and good for the soul. But what if we try something a little different this year?

What if you looked back and saw the faithfulness of God in and through your marriage? What if, even in difficult marital environments, you went on a hunt for how God used this year for the growth of your soul and your love and dependence on Him?

With that in mind, let me commend to you a small project. If you are part of the first camp, the one whose year has not been a crisis year, consider answering the following questions. These are meant to help you see through small obstacles and conflict and assist you in seeing the way God has moved in your marriage and in the marvelous gift of your spouse. (You’ll notice the questions are in 1st and 2nd person. You are the 1st…your spouse is the 2nd.)

- What were the qualities that attracted me the most to you when we first met?

- What qualities do I appreciate or have learned to appreciate most about you since we have been married?

- How have our differences helped me grow spiritually or emotionally?

- What steps will I take to commit to love you more effectively this year?

Now, with those answers, consider writing a letter of New Year’s Gratitude to your spouse. Don’t type it, even if your handwriting is as bad as mine. And don’t mail it…read it to him/her. Good and sincere gratitude is a wonderful blessing to any marriage. *

But what if you are in the 2nd camp? What if 2008 marks a difficult and devastating year for your marriage? Well, consider answering these questions.

- What areas of my heart / soul have been hurt this year?

- What has God revealed about me through this trial?

- What has God revealed about Him through this trial?

- What promises is God calling me to cling to through this trial?

Now, with those answers, consider writing a letter of New Year’s Gratitude to God. Once written, use it throughout the year to refocus your eyes on the cross and on a faithful God. Pray for the eyes and the faith to thank Him for what He’s allowed and to press more and more into Him as you walk forward by faith.

For everyone, please be sure to take the time to reflect on areas of growth needed for the New Year. But, consider thanking God for 2008…regardless of what 2008 brought.


* Many thanks to FamilyLife for these questions and this idea taken from their Weekend to Remember marriage conference.

God's Tapestry

She desperately wanted to have a child. And to make matters worse, her rival, who had many children, "provoked her year after year in order to irritate her" (1 Samuel 1:5). So great was her longing that she wept much and prayed to the Lord. Why, she probably asked, did God not answer the cry of her heart? God in His timing did answer Hannah's prayer. As a matter of fact, He answered it in a much greater way than she probably ever dreamed. Her son Samuel became God's instrument in His marvelous plan of redemption.

Over and over again I'm reminded that my vantage point is so limited. We want what we want when we want it. From our limited view, we think that the best thing is to have our prayers answered immediately. We become distressed when a month passes with no answer and can begin to feel hopeless when years go by without change. It may be that we too long for a child, for a better job for our husband, to move into a bigger house, for a child to give his/her heart to the Savior, for a loved one to be healed…

Looking back, I remember those times when I prayed that we would get a specific house only to find that our offer was not accepted. I've prayed that my husband would get a promising job, yet he was passed over. I've prayed for a child to be healed, but she was not. Looking back, I can see that God had better plans for me – but how difficult it was to trust God in the midst of the longing.
The story of Hannah's life encourages me in several ways. Through the wait, God increased Hannah's pursuit of God. Out of desperation, Hannah pressed relentlessly into God. And as she did, He changed her heart. Each time God puts a longing in my heart, it causes me to press into Him. As I think of a current longing that I am facing, Hannah's story infuses me with faith. I've been praying for a certain situation for years, and I can tend to become discouraged. But, the Lord has kept me from losing faith; He's kept me pressing into Him. He draws my heart to Him each day as I pray that my heart's desire would be answered.

Through the story of Hannah's life I'm helped to see my circumstance through the lens of faith. There's much more at stake than the immediate answer to my prayer. God is weaving my longings and the cry of my heart into the tapestry of His purposes for something greater than I can even dream of. As I daily cry out to God to answer this longing, I have great hope that not only will He someday answer, but that His answer will come at a time and in a way that will bring the most glory to His name. He will use my prayers that He caused me to pray to bring about a greater purpose than I ever dreamed. Not only will He answer in His perfect way and in His perfect time, he's using this circumstance to change me, to grow my faith and to help me to rest in Him.

I'm sure that Hannah had no idea that God wanted to use her yet-to-be conceived son to change the course of Israel's history. But God gave her those strong desires so that she would persistently cry out to Him and dedicate her son to His service. Be encouraged that God can see the whole picture. We see only a tiny piece, but we can rest in the fact that God has bigger things in mind for us than we can ask or imagine.

A Big Enough Gospel

When we think of what it means to be a Christian, nothing is more telling about us than how the Gospel shapes our view of life. The Gospel shouldn’t just be central to us, it must be big enough to address any situation we face or need we have. Nineteenth century hymn writer Horatio Bonar describes a very big Gospel for us.

“All that Christ did and suffered, from the manger to the tomb, forms one glorious whole, no part of which shall ever become needless or obsolete; no part of which one can ever leave without forsaking the whole.

I am always at the manger, and yet I know that mere incarnation cannot save; always at Gethsemane, and yet I believe that its agony was not the finished work; always at the cross, with my face toward it, and my eye on the crucified One, and yet I am persuaded that the sacrifice there was completed once for all; always looking into the grave, though I rejoice that it is empty, and that ‘He is not here, but is risen’; always resting (with the angel) on the stone that was rolled away, and handling the grave-clothes, and realizing a risen Christ, nay, an ascended and interceding Lord, yet on no pretext whatever leaving any part of my Lord’s life or death behind me, but unceasingly keeping up my connection with Him, as born, living, dying, buried, and rising again, and drawing out from each part some new blessing every day and hour.” (as quoted by firstimportance.org )

As we head into a new year, let us resolve to live out of a Gospel that is truly big enough for all we will face.

The 12 Days After Christmas

Now that the gifts are opened and the holiday meal eaten, we thought a little fun might be in order. This video is a fun take on the reality many of us face once Christmas comes to pass. Merry Day-After Christmas.

Holiday Greetings From Your Family Life Pastors

This Christmas Season we thank God for the opportunity to serve the families of Covenant Fellowship Church and to build our lives together as couples and families in the mercy and grace of God.

That man should be made in God's image is a wonder,

but that God should be made in man's image is a greater wonder.
That the Ancient of Days would be born?
That He who thunders in the heavens should cry in the cradle?"
~Thomas Watson~



MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Traditions: Old and New

Today is Christmas Eve. Yep. If that serves as a news flash to you, please stop reading and go finish your shopping…I’ll wait. If you knew that, then you are most likely ready for tomorrow…the big day.

Families all have different traditions that they do at this time of year. Early in our marriage, Gina and I would read the book The Gift of the Magi to each other. Slowly, though, Christmas Eve traditions developed into gift wrapping and more gift wrapping. But, if you are like us and striving to have the wrapping out of the way, let me propose an idea for you.

This past Sunday, four members of our Cross Culture Youth ministry performed a synthesis of an Old Testament passage with a number of New Testament passages. Very powerful when you understand how God foretold the coming and purpose of our Savior.

Well, that was an excerpt from a larger piece that Marty Machowski put together for our Cross Culture Christmas party. The piece, far too long to post here in the blog, is an exercise in worship. How glorious to celebrate the coming and the telling of our Savior. And what a great gift for husbands and wives to enjoy together.

You can view it here for your use with our recommendation. Have a very Merry Christmas!

Shopping, an Adventure in Marriage

Editor’s note: Andrea submitted this blog last Christmas but we didn’t get the chance to use it. But she told me that this is becoming their new tradition.

As I stuffed the gifts under my bed, I couldn’t believe David and I had just spent the whole day shopping together—a first in our 25 years of marriage! I have always done the majority of the Christmas shopping for our family, but this year, I was not able to get out there and do the early bird thing. So I asked David if he would be willing to take one of his vacation days and go with me. The look on his face said it all; but then he quickly recovered and agreed to go. We started the day at eight am and headed for Lowe’s. Within 3 minutes (give or take), David found some cool gadgets for the men in our extended family and then headed for the register.

Now David is disposed toward decisiveness and efficiency, a quality I’ve always liked in him – except for times such as this. I tend to mull over things, compare, evaluate, and analyze. Some say I go overboard trying to get just the right thing at the right price, which can make shopping with me a “prisoner of war” type experience. I can’t imagine how they come to that conclusion.

As we sat in the car looking over our shopping list, I started to get this uncomfortable feeling that David might not be the asset I thought he’d be. Without much thought, I offered him an “observation,” mumbling something about missing evangelism opportunities if we did things his way. Mercifully, he did not expose my attempt to manipulate and listened with a gentle smile. I was experiencing our differences acutely at that moment, and I had a choice on how to respond. Could I joyfully follow my husband’s leadership and wisdom, or would I battle for supremacy? By God’s grace, I did not press the issue and we went onto the next store. We were there a little longer, say about 10 minutes And so went the day. As we traveled to each place, we talked over ideas, laughed, and bantered with each other—all still at a nice pace. By the afternoon, we were sitting in a restaurant counting our receipts, and I couldn’t believe we were almost done. It was amazing to me – for I would have traditionally spread this event out over weeks and over budget.

As I recounted the day (which by the way, I thoroughly enjoyed), I marveled at the grace of God to use our differences as the source of joy between us that day rather than as a joy extinguisher. We, as well as close friends of ours, would be the first to tell you that there are many times when both of us have made different choices in our words and actions toward one another, and still do, but God has been so merciful to us a couple. His amazing grace first saves us and then “teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” (Titus 2:12) And in the context of relationships, in this case our marriage which God has so graciously given us to enjoy, that results in forbearance, harmony, and love, which in turn reflects His character and brings the glory to Him!

And a wonderful day of shopping!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

The other night we were at a Christmas party with friends. Toward the end of the party our hosts gave us each a packet of Christmas hymns, which we proceeded to sing around a piano. What had been a great party became great worship, because the songs we were singing contained the astounding truth of the incarnation of our Savior.

Over the next few days as familiar Christmas carols rattle around in your head, take some time and ponder the deep Gospel thoughts contained in some familiar carols:

Angels From the Realms of Glory
Saints before the altar bending, watching long in hope and fear
Suddenly the Lord, descending, in His temple shall appear
Come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ the newborn King

Good Christian Men Rejoice
Good Christian men, rejoice with heart and soul and voice;
Now ye need not fear the grave;
Peace! Peace! Jesus Christ was born to save!
Calls you one and calls you all to gain his everlasting hall.
Christ was born to save!
Christ was born to save!

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear
O ye, beneath life's crushing load whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow;
Look now! for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing;
O rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on, by prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years shall come the time foretold,
When the new heaven and earth shall own the Prince of Peace their King,
And the whole world send back the song which now the angels sing.

O Little Town Of Bethlehem
How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heaven.
No ear may hear His coming; but in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him, still the dear Christ enters in.

Silent Night
Silent night, Holy night! Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus Lord at thy birth; Jesus Lord at thy birth.

The First Noel
Then let us all with one accord; sing praises to our heavenly Lord,
That hath made heaven and earth of naught
And with His blood mankind hath bought.
Noel Noel Noel Noel! Born is the King of Israel!

What Child is This?
Nails, spear, shall pierce Him through, the Cross be borne, for me, for you:
Hail, hail, the Word made flesh, the Babe, the Son of Mary!
This, this is Christ the King; whom shepherds guard and angels sing.
Haste, haste to bring Him laud, the Babe, the Son of Mary.

We Three Kings
Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume breathes a life of gathering gloom.
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying, sealed in the stone cold tomb.
Glorious now behold Him arise, King and God and Sacrifice!
Al-le-lu-ia, al-le-lu-ia, heaven to earth replies.
O star of wonder, star of night, star with royal beauty bright.
Westward leading, still proceeding, guide us to thy perfect light.

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
Hail! the heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.
Mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth
Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King"

Joy to the World
He rules the world with truth and grace, and gives to nations proof
The glories of His righteousness, and wonders of His love;
And wonders of His love; and wonders, wonders of His love.

5 Practical Insights / Tips to Make this Christmas a Parenting Success

I don’t know about your home, but Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year for us. It’s the most wonderful time for family and fun. It’s the most wonderful time for temptation and sin. So, maybe “the most wonderful time” is not the right title. Maybe “it was the best of times…it was the worst of times” fits better.

I find that going into something with our eyes wide open can help contribute to its success. And having some tools when you see it helps even more. So, to that end, here’s 5 tips that you may find useful. (If not, send us some of your own so I can be more helpful next year.)

1. Your children’s sin patterns will be enhanced this Yuletide: With presents tempting their selfishness, extended family members discouraging discipline, and the inevitable loss of sleep that comes from travelling about, sin will most likely abound. Expect it. Don’t be surprised by it. Respond out of intention and not out of reaction.

2. Give everyone an empty trash bag: There is something about clutter that makes parenting harder. And Christmas provides its fair share of clutter with wrapping paper, empty boxes, etc. So, spread around the responsibility for trash removal. And keep extra bags handy, because my non-scientific research reveals that December 27th or so, a second echelon of trash makes its move on the family room.

3. Continue (or Begin) the annual December 26th Sleep-in Celebration: No earthly medicine is as effective as the medicine of rest. And, after a day filled with enhanced sin patters and boundless clutter, a good and long night’s sleep will serve the whole family. Or, you could consider a close cousin of this tradition…the annual December 26th mandatory nap day. That is one of my favorites.

4. Consider creating teaching episodes rather than preaching a Christmas message: “Keeping Christ in Christmas” is far from a novel idea. But most children, regardless of age, have exciting things on their mind each Christmas. Much of the time, they are happy to give you their attention and their heart for a reading out of Luke or a Christmas lesson…but have mercy and keep it short. Create a couple of times throughout the day where you gather again for the next installment. But don’t teach them in a 90 minute lesson what could be taught in four “10 minute” installments.

5. Toy dump before…or at least after: Many families in America have more toys than we know what to do with. Consider creating some room for new things by selecting a good number of old things that have to go. You could donate them to less fortunate families or non-profit organizations. Or, you could store them in a corner of your attic or garage until June/July. Pulling out old toys and storing other ones makes it like Christmas all over again in the summer.

There are hundreds more tips/insights that could be shared and many may be better than the 5 that I did share. The bottom line, though, is that parenting during the holidays provides us with great family memories…and some that are not so great. It gives us the best of times and the worst of times. Being prepared for the temptation might just afford you a year of Christmas lived in the best of times. That would be parenting success.

The Loving Rebuke of Christ

I’m reading through the gospel of Mark these days and a particular section really stood out to me. In Chapter 4:35-41 Mark explains the account of Jesus and the disciples in their boats on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus, exhausted from ministering to the masses, falls asleep while a fierce storm rages and causes the disciples to panic. Jesus is woken up with accusing remarks from his closest friends that He is uncaring for the safety of their lives. After rebuking the wind and the waves, Jesus turns to rebuke His followers. “How can you be in such disbelief?” At first glance it appears Jesus is a bit harsh with these guys. Being that some of them were experienced fishermen, their reaction to the storm is telling. They honestly thought their lives were in jeopardy and were fearful of death. This was no small storm. They, however, forgot who was in the boat with them. They had been with Christ for some time now. They saw His power and ability to perform miraculous things. He was obviously no ordinary prophet. Yet the disciples still had trouble trusting Him.

I see myself here. Having walked with Jesus for a little while now I’ve seen Him do amazing things in my life and in the lives of those I love. Still, though, I can be found doubting His control of and care for my life and it doesn’t even take a life threatening nautical experience. Just give me a night that doesn’t go my way or an unexpected car repair and I can respond with, “Lord, don’t you care about what’s going on here?” That’s why I am grateful for this loving rebuke of Jesus in Mark’s gospel. I think the Scriptures show us that Jesus had plans to make something out of these men and that He wanted them to learn faith in the severest of trials. He was forming them into men who could glorify their Father in heaven by maintaining a trust in their God when all around them seemed to fail. The truth is, He’s still making men like that today.

As followers of Christ we need the loving discipline of our Savior. Hebrews tells us that God rebukes and disciplines those whom He receives as sons (see Heb. 12:3-13). It is a comfort to know that divine discipline is always done in love and it always achieves its purpose: righteous, Christ-like, God-glorifying lives. So, whether the boat’s filling up with water or the car needs another $500 repair, may we respond in faith and humbly cry out to Jesus: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” (Ps. 56:3).

Don’t Forget the Mistletoe

Regardless of what time of year it is, all busy times have one thing in common…they’re all busy. And yet, when it comes to Christmas, busy reaches a whole new level. Between parties you attend and parties you host, keeping the house in normal order with a tree in your family room and lights around your windows, managing the house while buying lots of presents, it’s a wonder more people don’t actually lose their heads.

After all, busy people get tired. Busy people get to bed late. And really busy people get up early. As a result, during these busy times, intimacy can be put on hold. Yet, during these busy times, it is important to be intentional about intimacy.

There may be times in your marriage when intimacy flows naturally and unhindered. However, for many people, busy times ruin it…and busy times grow more and more prevalent. If we lose intentionality with intimacy and rely upon the natural flow, many times we lose intimacy altogether.

You’ve probably not forgotten the Christmas tree, the lights or the garland. So don’t forget the mistletoe. As you do, here’s a couple things to keep in mind:

- Don’t make it all about the bedroom: Great intimacy may end in the bedroom, but it doesn’t often start there. While you’re sitting side by side or across from each other wrapping presents or making Christmas cookies, take some time to reminisce. Talk of your first Christmas together, fun family memories. If you’re brave and it’s appropriate, talk about Christmas nightmares that are funny now.

- Don’t forget the bedroom: Do make sure that your intimacy doesn’t always end with reminiscing. Make the bedroom a priority during busy seasons…maybe even especially during busy seasons. This may mean taking a half-time break in wrapping presents to be sure the hour is reasonable.

- Be playful…it’s the most wonderful time of year: Essentially, put mistletoe generously around the house. Have fun with notes, looks, gestures, turns of phrases, pinches, kisses, etc.

- Be creative: Consider a tradition as a couple…even if for the first time. Read a Christmas book to each other. Listen to a Christmas CD while snuggling in front of a fire or under a blanket. Read Luke 1 and 2 to each other. How about starting the annual Christmas massage on back to back nights?

You’ve remembered to celebrate Christmas with your parents, with your children, with your friends, and with your coworkers. Don’t forget to celebrate Christmas with your spouse. And, as you turn your attention to celebrating your spouse at Christmas, don’t forget the mistletoe. I trust you won’t regret it.

The Letters of Joseph and Mary

Jared Mellinger wrote a poem that he read in church during our Songs for the Savior teaching series. In it, he explores the relationship between Joseph and Mary...wonderful insights. As wonderful as the poem was, we wanted to share it with you. So, if you follow this link, you'll see the poem in its entirety.

Stress Reducer

Hi Ladies, Andy here. I know this is a hectic season – eight more shopping days till Christmas! So in a very kind pastoral gesture, I’m going to add a little levity to your busy week. I got this from the Girl Talk blog, so it has already been approved for female consumption. It’s pretty funny, too.

A cop pulls over a blonde, and says, “Ma’am, you were speeding. May I please see your driver’s license?”

“Oh, well, you see officer, I don’t have a drivers license,” the blonde replies. “I never really had the time to go to the DMV and stand for hours in line…and anyway, all you get are terrible pictures.” The slightly taken aback cop says, “Well, then, may I see your proof of registration?"

“Well, officer,” the blonde says, “this isn’t my car. I wanted to borrow it from my neighbor, because it’s so much faster than mine and I was late for a wedding – that’s why I was speeding – but he said no really rudely, so I hit him over the head with a tire iron and stuffed him in the trunk.”

The horrified police officer backs away and calls for backup, and the police chief himself comes out, along with a squad, to see about this.

“Ma’am,” says the chief, “may I see your driver’s license?” The blonde hands it to him and it hasn’t expired or anything, everything’s okay. “May I see your proof of registration?” The blonde hands that to him, and it’s her car, and everything’s okay. “I hate to bother you,” the chief says, “but may I look in your trunk?”

So she pops the trunk and there’s nothing in there. The chief comes back to her window. “We’re sorry, ma’am. The officer over there said that you didn’t have a driver’s license, this wasn’t your car, and that you’d killed a man.”

“You know what,” says the blonde, “I bet he told you I was speeding, too.”

HT: girltalk.blogs.com

Your regular bloggers will be back next week!

What’s Your Bible All About?

What’s the Bible all about? I just finished up a great course in Biblical Theology at Westminster Seminary. For the class I read some outstanding material on the storyline of the Bible. One of the amazing things in studying the Bible not just as a collection of theological truths is that you see the amazing way the writers and collectors of the Scriptures knew they were telling small sections of a great salvation story. And most didn’t even know how the story would end. That’s the point Peter makes in his first letter,

1 Peter 1:10-12 Concerning this salvation, the prophets who prophesied about the grace that was to be yours searched and inquired carefully, inquiring what person or time the Spirit of Christ in them was indicating when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glories. It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look.

In one of my assignments I came across this amazing insight into the story of the Bible from Ed Clowney. I’ve highlighted the last sentence. Stop and take in the head-spinning reason we have the Bible.

“The Bible is not only from God, it is about God. The Bible story is not the history of Israel, nor the biographies of saints whose lives may inspire us. It is God's story, the account of his saving work. God speaks his promises and acts to keep them. The initiative is always his. In the Garden of Eden, after the sin of Adam and Eve, the Lord came seeking them. God promised that the Son of the woman would crush the head of the serpent, even as his heel was struck (Gn 3:15). That promise is the rationale for human history. Had God spoken his word of judgment rather than his promise, human history would have ended at the foot of the tree in the Garden. God's plan to send Christ is the reason we have the Bible; indeed, the reason there is a human race.” (“The Glory of the Coming Lord Discovering Christ in the Old Testament”; Modern Reformation 4:6; November/December 1995, 22-26

How Do You Eat an Elephant?

I know our church has its share of hunters, but deer tend to be the normal fare. Elephant hunters? I’m not sure we have them. So, in our unified ignorance, the title question could present us with many options. Yet, in all, there is one common theme. Regardless of how you decide to eat an elephant, you’ll end up eating it one bite at a time.

Lest your memory be poor, let me remind you…elephants are big. And eating an elephant would take a long time. Taking a look at the size of the meal before you would discourage even the heartiest appetite. But if you’ve been charged with eating one, one bite at a time is the only way to go.

As we look at our task of parenting, we can too often be overwhelmed with the meal before us. It presents us with a seemingly insurmountable task. We look at our 6 year old and wonder how he’ll ever get married. We look at our 11 year old and don’t know which of her sin patterns to address first. We look at our 16 year old and wonder who dropped the 32 year old in her skin. And, as a result, we’re overwhelmed.

Remember…one bite at a time.

If we try to address every issue our children have, we’ll spend all our waking hours in correction or some sort of “life-shaping” discussion with them. If we dwell on all there is to do and the limited resources we have to do it, the sheer weight of the task will crush our fragile hearts.

Step back and remind yourself…one bite at a time.

Maybe an external example would help. Take yourself for example.

You were a sinner, far from God. When God redeemed you, He got the whole package, sin patterns and all. When He began convicting you of sin, did He attack all of your sin at once? Did He demand that you deal with every imperfection, flaw, and wart on your soul? Clearly, the answer is no.

He approached your soul one bite at a time. A little bit of truth…a little bit of application…a little bit of encouragement. Then He moved on to another bit of truth…another bit of application…another bit of encouragement. He demonstrated patience with you…and He still does. He’s not in a rush to swallow the elephant whole…He moves one bite at a time.

How would the parenting task change in your home if you stopped trying to swallow the whole elephant? How would that affect your joy? …your encouragement? …your conversation?

“Whole-Elephant” parenting does nothing but give both the parents and the children a belly ache. No one can swallow a meal like that. Put on patience…put on a long view of the parenting task. And follow the example of your loving heavenly Father and approach it one bite at a time. That is how you eat an elephant.

Newly Married and 20 Years Later

So there I was sitting across the lunch table from a newly married couple. I didn’t see literal twinkles in their eyes as they spoke but they sure did have a refreshing simplicity to their conversation. Missing from the conversation were topics that a couple married twenty years would have, and rightly so. A short time later I thought to myself, if I could go back twenty years what would I do differently in our marriage? The thoughts came to me like a flood. Here are the ones that stand out:

EMPLOYMENT. My wife worked full-time for many years before we had children and is now home as a full-time Mom. Although we do not regret her having worked, we needed her income to help balance our household budget. Looking back, it would have been preferable if I had designed our budget around my income alone and instead put her income toward the down payment on a home or long-term savings so that she did not carry a burden for providing for our daily needs.

DEBT. Early on I made several misguided financial decisions resulting in debt. Here is one that still causes me to scratch my head today. I decided to bless a missionary couple with cash . . . cash that I didn’t have. I borrowed the money from a line of credit and took years to pay it off. My intentions to bless the couple were good but my method of borrowing money was bad. Today, we are wiser and with a course like Financial Peace University, we are focused on a biblical approach to finances.

INTIMACY. This one is simple. Guys, we are built like light bulbs. When the switch is turned on the light comes on instantly. Our wives are more like irons. When the switch on the iron is moved to on, the warming up process takes a little while longer than a light bulb. A simple concept but when I ignored this I revealed my lack of sensitivity to God’s design of my wife. Enough said!

DATES. Yes, we do have dates as a couple, but I have not always been consistent with getting the dates onto the calendar. Even though it’s never too late to build the consistency of dating into the schedule, early in our marriage it would have been a great practice to have them built in on a regular basis.

Don’t think I’m locked up with regrets. God can use all our experiences to His glory. We’re in a church that regularly provides us with both the vision and practical resources we need to grow and excel as husbands. Courses (like Alpha, Financial Peace University, Vital Life), sermon series (like Sola Gratia and The Money Crunch) and discussions with friends or community group members can keep us on the right track. While you have the chance, make wise decisions…they do affect your future which will be here sooner than you realize!

You Raise Me Up

I fancy myself to be a fairly proficient painter. My work has been on the walls of each of our homes. Actually, my work has been the walls of each of our homes. And my brush looks a whole lot like a roller. When it comes to artistic painting, to fine art, I am most definitely not your man.

Yet the fine artist uses many of the same tools as I do. The artist uses the same paint as I do. Yet, in his hands, a canvas sings. In my hands, even the brushes scream.

It’s the same with words as it is with brushes. There’s nothing fancy to words, but when they are placed on the right tongue, or spoken from a right heart, words sing. Consider Proverbs 15:23:

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!

No one in my life carries more weight in words than my spouse. A word spoken harshly can demolish an otherwise joy-filled day. A word spoken in love can rescue a day lost at sea. Her apt answers bring joy to this man and her words in season are good indeed.

In each of our lives, there are areas that repeatedly challenge our joy and our faith. For some, it may be their jobs. For others, it may be friends or family. For still others it may be holiday seasons, or anniversaries of a loved one’s death.

As the husband or wife of a spouse facing trial, consider this a call to action. You’ve been given a paintbrush and even though you may only paint walls, God is calling you to paint a masterpiece of grace and encouragement in your spouse’s life. You hold an incredible power in your tongue. And there are areas where your spouse regularly struggles for faith…for joy. So, raise them up through purposeful and loving encouragement.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

True encouragement, the type that is received the way it is intended, is like a three-legged stool. Without one of these, your efforts to raise up your spouse are in jeopardy.

1. Study your spouse: Identify areas where they are in regular need of encouragement. Discover the way in which your spouse best receives encouragement. Some people prefer to have their issue called out into the open while others like to discover it for themselves. And answer this very practical question: at what time of day will your spouse best receive encouragement? Choose wisely.

2. Pray for your spouse: The heart is truly encouraged when God acts upon it. Ask God to bring lasting encouragement to your spouse. Ask God to enlarge your spouse’s faith. Pray for Spirit-led opportunities to encourage your spouse.

3. Speak to your spouse: Yes, eventually you will be called upon to encourage your spouse with the great power of words.

You may be like me…a great painter of walls but a disaster at art. However, your words in the Master’s hand will create masterpieces of grace and encouragement in your spouse’s life. And, through your loving encouragement, you will be used of God to raise up the countenance, faith, and gaze of your spouse.

Forever tied to my Savior…

Recently I tried to teach my two youngest children to play “Cat’s Cradle”, a game played by two people using a loop of string with their hands to complete a series of weaving moves to make a cradle-like design. The first child caught on instantly and we enjoyed several rounds of weaving the intricate moves together. What a sense of accomplishment to see the finished design! Not so for the other, who despite repeated attempts and instruction just couldn’t get it. We’re talking knots, hanging loops, and tangles. And because two people are required to hold the strings and make the moves, my “hands were tied” (literally!) from completing the beautiful design.

Later that day as I looked back and laughed at the humorous results of trying to play the game with a seven year old, I heard the Lord whisper ever so gently, ‘aren’t you glad that I hold the strings of your life?’ What a striking thought as I remembered my frustrated efforts in the mess of fingers and string. And what a gracious God to so readily remind that His hands are never tied! My game may have been frustrated by my child’s inability to learn the moves, but in ‘real life’ nothing can rob me of my well being. The Lord forever holds me in his hands and nothing can steal my joy. The Lord has not given the strings of my life to another…they are forever tied to Him.

In John 16:22, Jesus, while looking ahead to the cross, declared to his disciples, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” “No one will take your joy from you” …my joy and well being come not from my circumstances or my own accomplishments, and they are not ruined by trial or the sin of another. They come from my Savior who redeemed me with his very own blood on the cross, and they are forever mine.

How often do we let a difficult day, or a disobedient child, or an unmet desire rob us of our joy? Why not “tie a string” around your finger to remember that it is our Savior who holds the strings of our lives, and let’s purpose to let nothing rob us of the joy that is irrevocably ours in our salvation.

God in Skin

As we enter the Christmas season we are once again presented with the opportunity to ponder the amazing reality of the incarnation. We’ll be doing that each Sunday in our series, “Songs of the Savior”.

Louie Giglio has a very interesting perspective on what it meant to be ‘born as man with man to dwell, Jesus our Emmanuel’.

God is eager to share his take on you. Here it is.


Mess Up.

Definitely.

Deeply Loved.

Anyway.


Both are true and both things set him in motion shaping history with a story fueled by unstoppable grace. You see God was not shut down by our failure. Nor did the consequences of our rebellion dim his beautiful heart of love. No, we were the ones shut down when sin caused our souls to die. And die we did. It’s bad news, death.


Because dead people can’t see. Can’t breathe. Can’t help themselves. Dead people can’t do anything. That is why they call him Savior. When we were dead and could not touch God, Jesus came down and touched us.


It is the most phenomenal thing that has or will ever happen to you and me. Divinity rushing into humanity. God in skin marching steadily to the beat of his own love. And nothing and no one could alter his course.
- Louie Giglio, “Remembering the Silence”

Originally posted here

A Touch of Eternity

Children are a gift.

This is not an opinion. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like a reality. But it is truth. God says so and that settles it.

Hopefully, many of you can list a great number of personal and specific examples of ways that your children are gifts. But there is one that we can often overlook. So, for all your parents reading this, let’s reminisce a bit.

Think back to the birth of your children. I know for me, with each of them, there was this amazing, meaningful, pregnant moment when the momentum of labor and delivery all stood still. It happened once each of my children were wrapped up and lying under the French fry warmer.

What was it that filled that moment? What caused my heart to stand still and my eyes to fill with soggy wonder…every time? It was a touch of eternity.

There is something profound about witnessing the birth of a part of you that will, in most cases, carry you beyond your lifetime. There is something “extending” about the birth of a child. There is an awareness of our smallness…of a generation that will live beyond us. In the birth of our children, our minds and our hearts are stretched beyond the span of our years and we understand our finitude…and that God’s gift of children stretches it beyond us.

Yet, even our “stretched out” finitude is finite. And our children, should they outlive us, will still come face to face with their finitude. And so will their children, in the same way our parents did and we are currently. Though having children stretches it a bit, we’re still left in the same reality as the previous generation…and the next. We’re finite.

But we serve an infinite God. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is the God of Mark, Andy and Rob. The God of David of Bethlehem is the God of David of West Chester. He hasn’t changed and He is no closer to His end than He was when He created the world.

As parents of children that hold the potential to stretch our finitude into the next couple generations, we have a choice to make. Will we train our children to stretch our finitude or to proclaim God’s infinity? Will we raise them to proclaim our legacy or God’s? Will they be better known as sons and daughters of Rob or sons and daughters of God?

Children are a gift. And we will send that gift on as a time capsule to the future. When the future opens it, will it find artifacts of a time gone by or will it find the living Word within them?

That all depends. Will we commit to stretch our finitude? Or will we commit to God’s infinity? I suggest this: that we as a church send our children into the future beyond us firmly committed to God’s infinity. That we set aside our aspirations for a personal legacy and entrust it to God. That our thoughts of what our children say about us be traded in for thoughts of what our children say about God. That God’s infinity become a preoccupying parental thought each day. We will have all of eternity to enjoy the fruit of such a commitment.

90 Candles

Billy Graham recently celebrated his 90th birthday. He was born when Woodrow Wilson was president and World War One was coming to an end. He has lived a long life. But it isn’t simply the number of his days that is worthy of attention, but how Billy has numbered his days.
In a recent interview he described his view on growing old.

Someone said to me recently that the most exciting part of his day was waking up and discovering what was hurting today that didn't hurt yesterday! Sometimes I can relate to that. But seriously, I'm thankful for each day, and I'm thankful for the measure of health I do have. Every day is a gift from God, no matter how old we are.

Here is a man who once traveled the world, preached the gospel to more than two billion people and counseled presidents, but can now rarely leave his home due to multiple hip replacements, prostate cancer and Parkinson’s disease. He remains grateful for the health he has and considers every day a gift. His words and example convict me.

I've discovered that just because we'll inevitably grow weaker physically as we get older, it doesn't mean we must grow weaker spiritually. In fact, we ought to be growing stronger spiritually, because our eyes ought to be on eternity and Heaven—on the things that really matter.

There’s his secret. The decline of our physical life does not mean our spiritual life must decline. In fact, aging is a tool God uses to bring death into view so that we see beyond death to eternity and Heaven. This should have a wonderful, sanctifying effect on our attitude towards aging. Consider how Billy turns weakness of old age into strength.

One of the things I miss most is that I can no longer read, due to age-related macular degeneration… it is hard for me to pick up my Bible and read it like I used to, and I miss that very much. But I probably pray as much now as at any time in my life, if not more—not just definite times of prayer, but all during the day.

This is a vivid picture of the heart of wisdom that Moses petitioned God for in Psalm 90. It comes from the ‘numbering of days.’

As I've looked at my own life, and the lives of others, I've come to realize that the time to prepare for old age isn't when it arrives. By then it may be too late. The time to prepare for old age emotionally and spiritually is before it hits us.

How am I preparing for old age – and eternity beyond? How are you? May our answers be similar to our mission as a church: Treasuring, Proclaiming and Growing in Christ until that day when we see Him face to face.

Happy birthday Billy, and thank you.

The Best is Yet to Come

On November 18th, Gina and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. Like birthdays and New Years, anniversaries offer a time to reflect on a variety of things. One thing that both of us have been pondering is how much greater our love is now than it was 13 years ago. Oh, we were in love then, but the love is more pervasive now…more encompassing…more tangible…more real.

And so you can understand my initial disappointment when reading Matthew 22:30:

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

I quite enjoy my relationship with my wife…and we’re still depraved sinners. I could get very excited thinking of our marriage in the absence of sin, or signs of aging, or diminishing cisterns of energy. Marriage in heaven would be incredible! But, according to Matthew (and Mark and Luke), Jesus disagrees.

I’m comforted that the scholar who penned the ESV Study Bible notes for the Gospel According to Matthew understands my plight.

This teaching might at first seem discouraging to married couples who are deeply in love with each other in this life, but surely people will know their loved ones in heaven (cf. 8:11; Luke 9:30, 33), and the joy and love of close relationships in heaven will be more rather than less than it is here on earth. Jesus' reference to “the power of God” suggests that God is able to establish relationships of even deeper friendship, joy, and love in the life to come. God has not revealed anything more about this, though Scripture indicates that the eternal glories awaiting the redeemed will be more splendid than anyone can begin to ask or think (cf. 1 Cor. 2:9; Eph. 3:20).

This causes me to stop and listen to what I’m actually saying. I’m saying that a discovery about Heaven disappoints me. That somehow, from my very limited, very temporal, very sin-stained perspective, what we have now will be superior to what God has for us in eternity.

And then it hits me. Not only is my thinking of the joys of Heaven limited, but my thinking about marriage is limited, too. The very thing that marriage is meant to depict will be a fully-realized reality in Heaven. My entire relationship with Gina, and yours with your spouse, will be fulfilled. And, once fulfilled, God has something even better in mind for the redeemed. What that could be is very hard for me to imagine as what He has currently given is so incredible.

In the end, I’m reminded of another truth that humbles me. I am often very guilty of thinking too small. My eyes can focus on the now, especially when the now is either really bad…or really good.

John Piper nails it in his new book, This Momentary Marriage, when he says:

There never has been a generation whose general view of marriage is high enough. The chasm between the biblical vision of marriage and the common human vision is now, and has always been, gargantuan.

The infinite God is infinitely kind to His weak, small-minded, finite creation. In our failure to view marriage highly enough, He allows us to enjoy real love…real fellowship…real companionship…in this momentary marriage. That’s kindness.

So, I will look forward to Heaven with eyes of faith that God has something more grand for His redeemed than my small mind can handle. And to my lovely wife Gina, I have one thing to say…ENJOY ME WHILE YOU GOT ME!

Following the Thread

Beauty has a magnetic affect. A gorgeous sunset, a powerful piece of music, great art—they draw us in. The longing in our souls for something higher, better, unlike ourselves, primes us to want more of it. But if I’m not careful, they can draw me into the thing itself instead of into its author, the Eternal God. The emotions and longings the roaring ocean evokes in me can lead me to become a lover of nature, rather than a lover of God. The inspiration that floods the soul after a good play or a great book or a lovely song can make me a lover of theater or literature or music—only. My temporal nature gets lazy and stops at the creation instead of following the golden thread back to its Source, the Master Creator, Singer, Writer, Composer. God is the source of all joy.

A friend and I were commenting on the media’s growing ability to control our emotions. Our conversation turned toward the widely acclaimed Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. The majestic, almost magical quality surrounding the character of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings attracts us. There is something right in the royalty this earthy man carries in his veins. Hollywood has done its job well to portray something utterly convincing and attractive to us.

But do we trace the thread? Do those majestic, triumphant feelings meet us again in our times with the Lord the next morning? Do we marvel that no beauty on earth is unsurpassed in heaven? Does our breath quicken as we consider that the magic and mystery of Tolkien’s characters are paper dolls compared to the blazing glory of our God? Did the slashing royal sword bearing the name Sting raise our adrenaline in the theater seat? Sting would crumble to pieces before the sword described in Revelation, wielded by the One called Faithful and True. He is the Rider of the white horse, whose eyes are a flame of fire and who is crowned with many crowns, the one who is followed by all the armies of heaven.

I’m always grateful for the reminders that Jesus is not an androgynous figure in a white gown surrounded by lambs. He’s not a good luck charm or a wise teacher or a distant deity. He is fearful and beautiful, holy and glorious. And amazingly, He has descended from his throne to purchase my hopeless soul, declaring me not only a subject, but a sister, an heir, a beloved.

The most powerful emotion, longing, joy, or inspiration, is a long-cast shadow from heaven, meant to point us to the Beautiful One.

Why Thinking About Eternity Makes My Brain Hurt

Bloggers Note: This week the Family Life Blog is looking at our finiteness against the backdrop of God’s Infinity. Let God be Big!

Did you ever tell yourself, ‘I need to think about eternity more’. So you close your eyes and begin to ponder the great timelessness…and then wake up half an hour later having dreamed about eating cheeseburgers? Well, maybe its just me.

In his small classic Redemption, Accomplished and Applied, John Murray offers some reality check on our confidence that we can ponder eternal existence.

“We cannot think in terms of eternity; we have no eternal thought. Only God’s thought possesses that attribute because he alone is eternal. When we try to think of eternity we realize the limits of our understanding and we are reminded that eternity is incomprehensible to us. But we must think of eternity and think of it in such a way that the more we are aware of the limits of our understanding the more enhanced becomes our appreciation of the marvel of God’s eternal purpose and grace.” (Redemption Accomplished and Applied, 92)

Do you see the helpful wisdom he is giving? We can’t think eternal thoughts – our imaginations are bound by the time realities this side of heaven. We can ponder; we can wonder, but we can’t grasp eternity. But rather than discouraging us, these limits should fuel our worship of the One who is Eternal – and the one whose purpose and grace is to one day introduce our puny minds to first hand experience of timeless joy!

The Only Real Parenting Killer

Editor’s Note: On November 9th, Marty Machowski preached a message called “Distinct Parenting” at Sovereign Grace Church in Middletown, Delaware. The entire message can be found here. An encouraging and instructive excerpt is below. As you read, notice the Spirit of God at work in your heart in both conviction and encouragement. Every parent ought to experience both.



Deut 6:5 "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart."

This is both the most sobering and comforting of any parent teaching you will ever get. If you get this one point right, you can fail in the rest of your parenting and your children will have all that they need. That is how critical this is. The reason why is because if your relationship with the Lord is vibrant and strong, you've got the Spirit of God to convict you in all the other areas. None of us are perfect. And it's actually those imperfections, if directed under the gaze of the Gospel and repentance that are our best tutors for our children. So often we can find ourselves thinking things like: "I just want to do really good at raising my children, but I haven't always done a great job spending a lot of time with them. Or I want to read to my children, but I haven't always done that well either. Or I just was a lousy teacher when I homeschooled my kids—or I never went over their homework." We can think things like, "I've broken a lot of promises."


Our mistakes are opportunities. If we love the Lord, our successes in life and in parenting will tell our children "God's grace is sufficient." If we love the Lord in front of them, all of our successes will be translated into "Do you understand? I have this because God has given it to me. My success is not of my own strength. It is the grace of God. And that communicates to our children, "Christianity works!" But if I love the Lord and I fail, well then I confess my sin and I receive forgiveness. And so for example, if I sin against my wife and out of my love for the Lord I restore quickly my relationship with her, I am a failure as a husband in that moment when I sinned, but my children don't see failure, they see hope. We must remember, if we love the Lord, our successes communicate the grace of God; and our failures communicate the grace of God. And so if you get this point right--if this is the only point you get right in your parenting, get this right.


Our indifference to God is the only killer. If we fail to be stirred up toward godliness and to pursuing God, what testimony do we have to pass along? If we are indifferent to sin and we fail to repent and confess, we have no credibility in the eyes of our children. They see us as hypocrites. Hypocrites are not ones who say one thing and do another if when they do the other, they realize that they are wrong and confess that they strayed. That's not a hypocrite. A hypocrite is to say one thing, do another and be indifferent to care.

I Second that Devotion

The situation is pretty familiar. The time is well after dinner, and my kids are buzzing around. “OK guys, time to get ready for bed.” My mind drifts to that moment when they will all be quietly tucked in, with lights out, so that I can grab a few strategic minutes to get something else done. Things typically move more slowly than I would like, and I start to feel the fatigue of the day. With PJ’s on and teeth brushed, I announce, “Alright, hop in bed and turn your lights out.” A voice comes back, “What about family devotions, Dad?”

Oh yeah. Resisting the temptation to pretend I didn’t hear, I gather the kids up so we can share the Word of God and prayer together. The time together takes us later than I would have liked, but it is sweet, and I walk away reflecting a bit.

• First, I remember that time in the Word of God with their father is the primary means of grace that my kids have. Some of them can’t read yet, and even when they do they wind up with so many questions. What an amazing privilege it is to lead them gently toward Christ and Him crucified as God’s answer to our greatest need.
  

• Second, I think of how kind it is of God to supply us Dads with so many resources for leading our children into grace and truth. It makes it so much easier to get started each night. When we are not doing God’s Story by Marty Machowski, my kids and I are currently going through Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven for Kids. My oldest can’t wait for these times, because there are so many references to Narnia, which she loves. I usually let her read these sections. Not only Narnia, but also Alcorn’s vivid illustrations, make it easy to draw kids into a discussion of eternal things. We’ve read other great stuff, plenty of which is in the church bookstore, like Big Truths for Little Kids or Dangerous Journey.
  

• Third, I realize that we are building a routine into our kids’ lives. I don’t mean something mechanical. When we give our kids hugs on the way out the door for work, or just before bed, they come to expect hugs. They will come to expect regular interaction with God too, if we make this a regular pattern when they’re young.

• Fourth, I think of how we Dads are called to provide for our kids. Sure, I love to provide fun parks and wholesome entertainment when I can, but the most lasting contribution I’ll ever make is inspiration. I don’t want to dazzle them with HD; I want to dazzle them with God! My kids have been inspired by seeing God’s grace at work in David Livingstone, as he courageously wrestles a lion with his bare hands…or in Harriet Tubman, as she absorbs incredible personal cost to go back to the pre-Civil War South time and again to rescue slaves. Best of all, we talk about the King of Glory, who incarnated as a son of man, offering up his body and soul, so that we could become sons of God!

• Lastly, I realize that the effect of all this is slow but cumulative. If we keep leading our kids this way, little by little, we build a legacy. Even now I see glimpses of this at the dinner table when a child makes a connection between one of the bad guys that Christian faces in Dangerous Journey, and his own temptations.
  

I finish reflecting on these things, and head back downstairs. Freshly inspired myself, I keep those devotions coming.

Knowing the State of the Union

I hate roofs. No, not the concept of roofs…I’m thankful for that. I just hate being on roofs. From the second my foot touches a shingle to the second it touches the earth, I feel like I’m going to fall. (Thankfully, we now have a rancher…very kind of God.)

Shortly after we moved into our previous home, a friend asked me what the condition of the roof was. I assured him everything was okay. Of course, as you might have guessed, I had never been up there. But there were no leaks, no draft problems, so everything must be okay. However, to truly know the condition of the roof, actually going up and looking at it might be a good place to start.

So, let me be that friend to you…how’s your marriage? “No leaks…no draft problems…it must be okay.” However, just like a roof, if you wait for problematic symptoms to arise, the fix is so much harder and the damage so much greater. How much better to know about a problem before it finds you.

Knowing the state of your marital union is an important protection in all marriages. This requires a few simple, but crucial, elements:

- Scheduled Communication: Set up 3-4 evenings spread throughout the year for the sole purpose of discussing the state of your union. The same questions each time can serve in fresh ways, since no marriage is exactly the same even three months later. Or, pick four main topics and cover just one topic each evening. Topics such as communication, family schedule, intimacy, and parenting can serve as conversation starters.

- Humility: Each of you needs to be prepared to share some potentially difficult things with your spouse. The degree of your humility in sharing will often determine how well it is received. Also, you need to be prepared to hear some hard things about places where you may be falling short. Accepting that you are quite capable of falling short (and may be really good at it in some areas) will serve your marriage.

- In-Between Conversations: It’s not good to save ALL of your constructive marital conversation for these special times. A culture of open communication as a standard part of marital life will go a long way in helping the state of your union remain good. This requires an atmosphere where it is safe to share. Humility fits perfectly here.

Two closing thoughts.

Guys, the impetus for this rests on you. As the God-appointed leader, it will be you to whom God looks for an answer to the state of your union. Open up your calendars and make room for the most important earthly relationship you have.

Ladies, even though the onus rests on the men, you have been given to him as a helper. Guys as flawed as we are need to know when we are drifting, or missing it altogether. You have a front row seat to the state of your union. Tell your husband, in humility of course, where you feel a conversation or a time of prayer would be helpful.

Each year, the President of the United States longs to be able to say that the state of the union “is good.” Such ought to be our goal. Our calling is higher and our union more important. Though the government is given to us as provision from God, our marriages reflect His relationship with His church. With the stakes as high as that, it is important that we know the state of the union.

Random Acts of Hospitality

I'm not a very spontaneous person. My husband on the other hand is Mr. Spontaneity himself. So when it comes to hospitality, we don’t always start out in the same place.

When I think of hospitality, I think of contacting the people we want to have over and putting a date on the calendar for some time in the future. Or, if I really want to challenge my spontaneous side, I'll prepare on Saturday and then "spontaneously" ask someone over on Sunday morning.

Jeff, however, has begun a new trend. For the second time, in what I perceive as the second of many, Jeff turned to me at the end of the church service and said, "What are we having for lunch today? I want to invite this couple in front of us home for lunch." (May I add a couple we've never met?) A petrified feeling came over me as I answered, "Uh, maybe Ramen noodles?" thinking also of the shambles we left our house in that morning. Jeff sensing my distress (maybe by the color that drained from my face) said, "What about dessert instead?"

As the service closed, Jeff tapped the young couple sitting in front of us, introduced himself, and then asked them if they wanted to come to our house for dessert later in the evening. When they asked what they could bring, he simply said - your testimonies.

Lately we've been sensing the need to be more intentional in our practice of hospitality. We want to engage our guests together as a family and draw our kids into the conversations. We also want to focus a portion of our time to listening to how the Lord is working in the lives of others.

After playing a game with this young couple as a family, our guests each shared their testimony. One son of ours, in particular, was touched and was able to relate to the young man's journey. The Lord used this random act of hospitality to speak into his life just when he needed it most. And, we don't yet know the effect that this couple's testimonies along with the others that have been shared in our home have had in the lives of our other kids.

So recently when I saw Jeff talking to yet another young couple (whom I didn't know) at a wedding, I knew what was coming. "What are we doing tomorrow night?” Jeff asked me. "I just invited them over for dessert."

There is nothing wrong with planning for times of hospitality (I have several dates on the calendar), but may I encourage you to be open to spontaneously inviting people into your home even if it's just for dessert? And don't forget to ask them to bring their testimonies.

Sometimes Wisdom Smacks You in the Face

On these Monday posts I like to try to put things in that are crafted bits of wisdom that require us to mentally chew on them to get the effect. But this one below is simply good truth from an oft told but reliably true story. Get ready for a soul adjustment.

An eminent and well-known English preacher was approached by a congregation member who complained about some aspect of church life. It may have been that he didn't feel welcomed, or that he was finding it hard to make friends and fit in; it could have been that he was finding the service dissatisfying or the preaching too long; it could have been that the music was not to his taste or that his family was not being catered for to his satisfaction. The details of the complaint have been lost in the telling and re-telling of the story.



The preacher listened to the complaint, paused, and then replied with five words that cut straight to the heart of not only the man's problem, but the problem with all grumbling and complaining in church. He simply said, “It's not about you, stupid!” and walked off.


It was a stunningly rude response—the kind that this preacher seemed uniquely capable of getting away with in his very English way. But doesn't it exactly express what is wrong with grumbling and complaining in church?



It really is the height of idiocy to think that church is about me and my needs and my family and my satisfaction. It completely overturns the teaching of the Bible—that church is about God and Christ and loving other people. In fact, if we wanted to summarize Paul's rebuke to the dysfunctional Corinthian church in 1 Corinthians 11-14, a pretty reasonable slogan would be “It's not about you, stupid!”.

Guess what? Pastors grumble about church too – and we actually create and oversee the things we complain about! So this is great advice the next time I’m looking at a week full of meetings or an inbox full of emails. Or anytime I’m tempted to complain.

“It’s not about you, stupid!

Full credit for where I found this is in Tony Payne’s blog ‘The Sola Panel”. Here’s his full blog: The five-word antidote to grumbling

Loving Your Teen

Last Saturday Rob spoke from 1 John 4:7-12 on the essentiality of love as the mark of our assurance. In our Extra Point to parents, we talked about how parents can apply the call of love to parenting teens.

What makes it difficult to love our teens? Perhaps we are approaching the task as if we need some special grace that hasn’t already come to us in Christ. It’s like it somehow takes a new dimension of love to just endure the teen years. But John helps us to see that we love because he first loved us. In other words, love isn’t dispensed to us based on our situational need. God is love; to have him is to have love in its fullness – all the time.

Perhaps one way we can keep ‘love for my teens’ out of the realm of the exceptional is to see how similar it is to the other most significant, and often most challenging context we have – love for our spouse. Consider:

1. In marriage and in raising teens we tend to compare our experience with an idealized or romanticized assumption of what we should expect.

• Where do we get our ideals of marriage and family from? From comparison with somebody else? With some cultural standard? With how we grew up?
• Do you have a clear sense of biblical vision for your family that evaluates every other ideal that finds its way into the family?
  

2. In marriage and in parenting teens we tend to focus on feeling loved, not on loving others.

• Teenage immaturity involves the idea that what I feel and what I think are so overlapping as to be indistinguishable. As parents, we are mature; we should not be that way. We should battle our tendency to let feelings drive our parenting by obedience to God’s word.
• You can tell how much feelings drive our definition of love by we deal with conflict. If we truly love, we will do the hard work of peacemaking.
  

3. In marriage and in parenting teens we can assume that trust and respect are necessary for love. We can withdraw affection if we don’t receive respect, or if we don’t think we can trust our teens.

• In reality respect and trust are fruits of love, not foundations for it. Untrustworthiness and disrespectfulness are sins of character before they are sins of relationship. Love means we will address disrespect and untrustworthiness because they are sins against God and will produce bad fruit in our teen’s life. But love will not demand them – love seeks not its own.
• What would your relationship with your teen look like if you didn’t demand respect and trustworthiness as essential for your relationship?
  

4. In marriage and in parenting teens, bad past experiences can lead to judgments that define our relationship.

• Adults change very slowly, but teens are changing very fast. If we allow bad experiences of even a few weeks ago to shape our present relationship we will never keep up with what is going on in our teens. Rather than assume that our teen’s bad attitude right now is what will define them, why not address it as something that God is at work changing in them.
• What would happen if you interacted with your teen as if mercies were new every morning for them, not just for you?
  

Bottom line – Loving our teens should be familiar to us because it takes the same grace to love them as it takes to love anyone else.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7)

The Addict in Us All

This past weekend a number of the pastors, and some of the other folks in the church, attended the annual conference sponsored by The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). This year the theme was “The Addict in Us All”. It was an outstanding time of instruction on a biblical understanding of addictions and how God works to free people from addictive behaviors. We learned that ‘addictions’ are complicated and life-controlling habits that root, not primarily in our genetic disposition or social environment, but in our idolatrous hearts.

As you can see from the conference title, we also learned that there is not as much difference between the normal Christian and the out-of-control addict. As David Powlison remarked, "Addiction and Religion are words that are defined in very similar ways. Both communicate devotion to something that shapes our lives and defines our pursuits and commitments."

I spent much of the time pondering my own idolatrous and addictive tendencies. Here are some things I heard that the Lord used to go after my self-sufficient and self-righteous heart, by reminding me that there is nothing ‘addiction-proof in me. See if you can identify with me:

Ed Welch, biblical counselor and neurobiologist: ‘Commitment to a lie becomes voluntary slavery.’

• What lies about me and God do I tolerate that in fact leads to me submitting myself to voluntary slavery to something that isn’t true?

Mark Driscoll, pastor of a church that ministers to an urban area where addictions are a basic reality of life: We not only seek after false gods, we set up false heavens, places where we can live in personal peace, untainted by the sin around us. When we are in our personal heaven, we are ok if everyone else is living in hell.

• What are the little ‘heaven cocoons’ I set up in life where I escape into myself away from others and their suffering in the reality of life?

Mark Driscoll: People who struggle with addiction are usually aware of the effects of their sin on others, but can have difficulty in seeing the effect of sin on God.

• When I sin, do I keep things on a horizontal level, clean up the mess and try to get past my ‘stumble’ as quick as possible? Or do I realize that I can’t presume that God will cover my sin if I never acknowledge it is against him?
  

Mike Emlet, Biblical Counselor and Medical Doctor: Physiological issues of addiction include pleasure achievement (something makes me feel good, or keeps me from feeling bad), dependence (need for the drug to avoid withdrawal), tolerance (need of greater quantities to achieve same effect), and withdrawal (bodily reaction to the absence of the drug.

• Isn’t this essentially what happens in my life? For example, when I’m driving in the car and get bored with the silence (usually by the time I get out of my driveway), do I crank on the radio by habit, so I can stop being bored (pleasure/pain avoidance drive)? Do I feel the need to have the radio on every time I’m in the car (dependence)? Am I willing to tolerate listening to things that might not be spiritually edifying because the stuff I used to listen to is boring to me now (tolerance)? If someone else is in the car and would rather talk, do I keep looking at the radio hoping they get tired of talking (withdrawal)? How many other areas would I show myself to be at least a minor league addict?

Jeff Black, Biblical Counselor, Psychologist and Pastor specializing in Addictions Counseling. All addictive behaviors work. They give us what we want or feel we need at the point of desire. The issue is ‘at what cost?’

• I think this helps me see one of the reasons ‘waiting on the Lord’ is not just something we have to do, but something that is essential to the life of faith. The immediate is the realm of sensual craving; the eventual is the realm of biblical thirst for God.

Our Homes are Never Out of Debt

With the recent addition of Financial Peace University to our offerings of equipping and outreach, getting out of debt has risen as an important goal in the stewardship of our lives. And rightly so. Freedom from debt is freedom indeed.

But there is a debt we can never get out of…and we ought to stop trying. Though our homes are still full of sinners, many of our homes enjoy ongoing fruit of the gospel. It works its way through our own lives, through our marriages and then through our homes. It grows, despite our efforts, and bears fruit.

Jared’s message this week got me thinking along these lines. How, in our homes, are we vulnerable to drift from the gospel? I think it is a common trap for married Christians to allow the gospel to become secondary. When there is conflict, or when there is a difference of opinion, or when lives somehow begin to grow independent of each other, we can rely on a variety of things…in place of the gospel.

We can rely on our communication skills. If we just say something in the right way, or at the right time, things will be okay.

We can rely on our debating skills. Resolution is not the key, it is victory.

We can rely on our selfishness. As long as my way is the winner in the end, the means are justified and don’t much matter.

But most dangerously, we can rely on peace. If we just allow peace to be the governing body in our home, we’re a happy and “godly” family.

What happened to the gospel? And what has happened that has caused us to credit its fruit these lesser gods?

The gospel is the great leveler. It makes all other things, without exception, secondary. The joy we may experience in marriage is not because of our skill or our gifting…it is because of the gospel. The victories we’ve experienced over trials are not because of our fortitude, but because of the gospel.

Charles Spurgeon once said:

If there is anything that is a miniature picture of heaven upon earth, it is a pair of Christians happily united, whose children grow up in the fear of the Lord, and render to them increased comfort and joy every day. Oh, how much some of us owe to the gospel for the happiness of our homes!

And so, today, no practical tips will be given for marriage. They have their place, but not here today. Today, we turn our attention to gratitude. Sincere thanks for the fruit of the gospel in our marriages. For the fact that we have a spouse. For the fact that our spouse would even have us in marriage. And for the fact that a holy God, in an immeasurable act of condescension, would choose to reflect His glory in such a flawed example as our marriage. Truly and only God could do that. How glorious to belong to our spouse…and to our God who gives the unceasing, fruit-bearing gospel.

On the Ideal Woman

I am a regular reader of the blog Girltalk which is written by Carolyn Mahaney and her married daughters- Nicole, Kristen and Janelle. On October 6, 2008 their post was entitled “The Ideal Woman.” In my sin, I thought, oh yeah, here is my nemesis- that Proverbs 31 woman. I have been married over 28 years and have been a believer for longer than that; how much more can I read about her? But because I am so regularly provoked in my walk by what they post, I kept reading. Here are a couple of snippets from that first day:

She’s strong; she’s wise; she’s godly. And she’s intimidating.

For that reason, we sometimes avoid the Proverbs 31 woman! If we were at a party with characters from the Bible, most of us would probably rather hang out with some of the more “flawed” women: Sarah who laughed at God’s promises, or Rebekah who was deceptive, or Martha who was rebuked by our Lord.

The very next day, their post was titled The Proverbs 31 Wife.- She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). Here is what Nicole said on that day:

“Doing Your Husband Good” wouldn’t play well on the cover of a woman’s magazine these days. In the aftermath of the feminist movement, motherhood has made a comeback, and even domesticity has regained popularity, but the role of a wife as portrayed in the Bible remains repulsive.

Kristen shared the following a few days later: First, take a look--Who is the one designed and appointed to bring my husband good? It’s none other then me! Many people may be a blessing to my husband, but as his wife, I have been created, fashioned and designed to be the most effective at bringing my husband good.”

Why is this important? They go on to show how our doing good to our husbands is a powerful display of the Gospel to a fallen world.

Already the Lord was at work in my own heart. He was gently bringing back to my mind, my husband’s comment from last night about how he likes all the window blinds open or how he really liked it better when I hang his shirts a certain way. At the time, in my sinful heart, I was thinking- yeah, yeah- it is really just a preference issue, but the Lord began to show me how in the little things I was not doing my husband good.

Ladies- if you are like me, I need a provoking reminder of what the Word has called me to do. It is so easy with all of the many things in our lives as women- motherhood, housework, Biblical fellowship, serving in the church, reaching out to our neighbors, caring for our parents etc to lose sight of what our first priority is!

Girltalk offered some great perspective on how to do our husbands good for a lot of different marriage situations. Here are just a few examples: A Woman of Action, Good with Her Gifts (even if it is Laundry)’; ‘Doing Good In a Difficult Marriage’; and ‘When I Don’t Want to Do Him Good’. They are even compiling a list of creative ways to do our husbands good!

Let’s take a moment as wives to ask the Lord to help us be doers of His Word. Take some time over the next few days to read the posts at Girltalk and allow the Lord to give you some ideas of ways that you can grow as a Proverbs 31 wife. Whether you are newly married or married for many, many years, I know that the Lord will be faithful as He has been with me to give you creative ways to do “your husband good.”

See God in Love

Saturday night Rob Flood spoke to the Cross Culture Youth from 1 John 4:7-12. He brought out a very helpful perspective from verse 12: No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

Here’s some of what Rob said,

“When Christ was here, God’s love was manifest through Him. He ascended and sent His Spirit, so now He lives in us. He abides in us. His love can be manifest though us. The love with which Christ loved is available to us now. With God Himself living in us, we are now the vehicles of God’s love to the world. He who lives in us loves through us.

By our loving one another, God is making the invisible God visible. God is love, and He manifests His love in us. The God who lives in us loves through us.

In his systematic theology, Robert Culver underscores this truth:

“Our love for God and other people is both evidence and fruit of God’s indwelling presence in us and is the means God uses to reveal His holiness and love to the world.” Robert Duncan Culver p.103

It’s not that Jesus loves us, so we have to love others. It is that we love others because God is in us…and God is love. God’s heart is to manifest Himself through His love…through us. We become an active player in the process of God being made manifest in the world.

He who lives in us loves through us. If His love is not coming through us, we must visit the first part…is He living in us? It is the very reason John said in verse 7, “whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” If the love of God flows through a man, then God lives in that man. If the love of God flows through a woman, then God lives in that woman. God’s love demands a way and manifests itself through how His people love one another.

So, that difficult person you work with…That family member who constantly rubs you the wrong way…That parent (or that child) that you’re certain won’t ever understand you…That friend who wronged you, and maybe doesn’t even know it…How do you love him? How do you love her?

First of all, understand and take comfort in the fact that you’re not in it alone. God is with you. But He’s not standing on the sideline like a coach hoping the players can pull it off this time. He’s not a cheering Dad in the crowd. He is there with you, empowering you, giving you the love you’ll need to carry out the call He’s placed on your life to love others.”

Why is this possible? Because of verse 10.

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.


You can listen to the entire message here in a few days.

Enjoying a Dirty Manger

From the time I get home from work to the time the children go to bed, our house is a constant ball of motion. From loud and boisterous greetings of Dad’s homecoming to preparing for dinner, to eating dinner, to bedtime routines, to reading, to tucking in, the pace can give a healthy person whiplash. Then, as we settle into the night, we realize just how many toys, crafts, and socks have not been put away. (What is it with socks, anyway?)

Just the other night, I was commenting to Gina about the children’s mess when she quoted me Proverbs 14:4.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

I have to admit, I did not at first see the relevance. However, resting in my confidence in Gina’s spiritual acumen, I thought a bit harder.

Oxen are messy…and stinky, too. If your goal is a clean manger, then “no oxen” is the way to go. However, if your goal is a clean manger you’ll miss all of the blessings that come with oxen.

Here is the parallel for those not yet tracking with me.

Where there are no children, the house is clean, but abundant blessings come through the gift of children.

Children are messy…and sometimes stinky, too. If your goal is a clean house, then “no children” is the way to go. However, once you’ve achieved your clean house, you will miss all of the blessings that come with children.

So, the next time you are overwhelmed with the clutter created by your little ones, or the preponderance of socks strewn about the house, remember how to interpret them. They are small signs that point to a great blessing in your home. They are little love notes from God reminding you of how He loves you and has expressed that love through the gift of the little oxen that fill your home.

And when your heart of hearts wants nothing more than a clean manger, go and kiss the oxen on the head. After that, their stinky mess won’t seem so bad.

Directionally Challenged, Yet Grateful

Some guys I know really get into driving. You may know some, too. If you’ve gone on a road trip with them, they’re the guys who print out the maps, use a highlighter to show the routes you’ll take, and you can pretty much forget about leading the caravan. They’re out in front of that baby, hands down. I’m not that guy. I love that guy. I’m grateful when I drive with or behind that guy; I’m just not that guy. In fact, that guy probably would get easily angered if I tried to be that guy.

One of the first memories my wife and I shared together was when we went to Georgia for my college graduation. After a great weekend of celebrating, we planned to catch our return flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia. The Atlanta airport, we were told, was notorious for having long lines and we were encouraged to get there early. We left plenty of time to drive the airport, drop off our rental car and get to our gate for boarding. As we were driving to the airport reminiscing about the weekend it dawned on my wife that it had been a while since she had seen anything but farmland.

“If the airport’s in Atlanta, shouldn’t we be seeing skyscrapers or at least some large buildings by now?”

She then quickly got out the map and found that we had been traveling a good 45 minutes in the wrong direction. I’d love to tell you at this point that this was my one and only major driving catastrophe. It would be great to report that since this pleasant-turned-panic attack trip to the Atlanta airport I’ve not once made such stupid mistakes. The problem is I’d be flat out lying if I did.

It would be truthful, however, to say that my wife has made very few driving blunders. She is great with directions and I am convinced that I’ve become a better driver because of her. She also happens to be the person in my life that God has used most profoundly to teach me about grace. From her I have received incredible love, patience, and mercy which can only be attributed to the grace of God at work in her life. She helps me to be a better father, a better son and brother, a better friend, and ultimately a better servant of Christ. In my wife God has given to me a daily, flesh and bones reminder that “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17).

As the men of Covenant Fellowship Church let us express gratitude to God for the gifts He has given to us in our wives. We should consider the ways our lives are enriched, balanced, and enjoyed because of the grace of God that comes daily to us through our wives. And may we always trace the blessing of our spouse back to the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, which purchased for us every good thing from the hand of God.