Don't Know Much About Encouragement

Pastoral note: Here’s another one of our regular guy bloggers – Tim Ashford:

“Unveiling grace.” Kind of takes your breath away, like standing at the altar, about to see your bride. I remember CJ saying recently though, that pointing out sin is a lot easier that unveiling grace. That was reassuring to me, since I’m obviously not alone in the battle. Speaking of my bride, she’s told me over the years that I need to grow in unveiling grace, although she would call it offering encouragement. Let me tell you one time it was so bad that it was humorous.

Susan and I had planned to talk about how homeschooling is going. It was maybe four months into the school year. She comes to the table all prepared, giving thoughtful details on each subject, and insight into the progress of the kids. So, did I jump at the opportunity to lavish her with thanks for her regular sacrifices? Did I highlight the many examples right from our conversation where God was active in her care and perseverance? Nope. I got right down to the important task of quality control. I mentioned an area of concern for the future. It wasn’t anything that she currently struggled with; at least that I could see. But I just felt the need to make sure she was not resting on her laurels – that she needed to be on her toes in this important family business.

What was her reaction? Well, it was like Charlie Brown when he misses the ball for the 11^th time. His head just droops. She actually went into another room, put her head against the wall, and cried. There’s a picture for you. Now, Susan is amazingly gracious, so much so that we were laughing about it within a half hour, and have ever since. But it was just one more thing to make me aware of the vital need of encouragement for a wife and mother. Anybody can point to problems – as her husband I’m in the most strategic place to point out grace.

Here’s one thing I’ve tried lately: Take notes. I created a simple area on my computer where I write stuff down when it is fresh. As soon as I see a specific example of where God is active in her life, I can go there and write it down. Then I can take these thoughts home with me and share them with her. Once, I came to her after she’d had a rough day when she was less aware of God and his grace, and I took what I had written down up to that point, and recounted each example. This time she responded more like Snoopy doing a jig than Charlie Brown. Now what I need to do is keep my list up to date, and keep the examples coming her way. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there is so much grace in my wife to unveil. And I’m just the man to do it.