Are you Loving your Spouse Well?

Sometimes the difference between simply doing something and doing it well is asking the right person. Marriage can function like this. Sometimes, in our efforts to bless and serve our spouse, we forget to ask the right person how best to do this. Who is the right person? Well, sometimes, it’s our spouse. Debbie Demi discovered this recently below, she shares her story and the lessons she learned.

Even after 23 years of marriage, I'm still trying to figure out how to love my husband. I was caught off guard the other day when Jeff asked me what I would say to a younger woman about how to love her husband. (He had just finished reading Titus.) I have to admit, I didn't have an answer on the tip of my tongue.

My flesh wanted to say that loving your husband means doing his laundry, cooking his dinners, and caring for the home. But deep down inside, I knew that wasn't the only way that my husband wanted to be loved by me. Sure, he appreciates those things, but what really makes him feel loved are things beyond the “everyday-taking-care-of-business” kind of love.

Lately I've been aware of the fact that I've settled into the comfortable, routine type of love toward my husband. Yes, I'm in a busy season of life but I have been for a long time and will be still for a while. I also know that after my relationship with the Lord, Jeff should come next. Too often, though, he comes after the kids, housework, checking e-mail, and sleep. Unaware and unintentionally, I've allowed lesser things to come before him.

So, I asked Jeff the same question, "What would you say to a woman about how to love her husband?" (Knowing, of course, that his answer would be for me.) His response began, "In your circumstances right now, what would your husband interpret as love?" This might mean unexpectedly touching him physically, spontaneously saying "I love you," thinking of things we could do together, or responding enthusiastically to his initiatives.

His answers didn’t surprise me. But I realized that, for him to feel this kind of love, I would have to be purposeful with my time. Occasionally, I would have to pull away from what I’m doing and think about how to love him outside of my everyday tasks.

Just knowing what makes him feel loved gives me a place to start. I want to rightly order my priorities not only in theory, but in practice as well. And I've found that thinking about how to love him not only pleases God, but helps me feel more affection for him.

So how about you? In your circumstances right now, what would your husband interpret as love? Why not ask him? You may be surprised to find that it might not be scrubbing the kitchen floor.

"… Train the younger women to love their husbands …" Titus 2:4