Unite and Conquer

On day four of our honeymoon, Gina and I began a strong and wide divide that lasted for quite some time. The damage created about 18 months of turmoil in our marriage and personal lives. How we could have benefitted from true biblical fellowship back then.

As God poured His grace into our lives, we repaired our marriage and resurrected our love for one another. We began to see the many areas in which we stumbled. A small slip here…a missed step there. An opportunity for grace wasted…a need for forgiveness bypassed. All of a sudden, these small missteps led to a divide that nearly destroyed us. We were striving for unity, but couldn’t seem to reach it.

You may be lacking unity in your marriage. Maybe it is difficulty coming to a unified decision. Maybe it’s difficulty finding unified interests. Or maybe it’s as ugly as ours was…not even being unified in your love for one another. The essential ingredients for unity are needed…and quick! So, what are they? Here’s what we discovered.

1. Unite around a common Savior –In marital conflict, we can leave the cross at the front door. This is what we did. I failed to allow the cross to influence my interaction with Gina and my perception of what was happening. As a couple, join hands at the foot of the cross. Gain perspective on your problem and on God’s love for your spouse. Gain perspective on the depth of your sinful heart. Pray together, confess before each other. Allow the love of a common Savior to unite you.

2. Unite around a common enemy – There is a marriage ministry that has a saying: “My spouse is not my enemy.” God has joined you together that you may be one against the attacks of another. Marriage has an enemy: Satan. He wants your marriage to fall apart because he knows that it reflects more than just two lovers…it reflects the love of a Savior and His people. Your spouse is not your enemy. Unite in fighting the same person.

3. Unite around a common cause –Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Marriage, has a provocative subtitle: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” God designed marriage to fulfill its main purpose: to glorify Him and reflect His glory. Ephesians 5 highlights this purpose for marriage. Set aside your pursuit of happiness and embrace a pursuit for holiness. Not only will your marriage be a happier one. It will also be a holier one. God will be mightily glorified as two sinners unite around the common cause of bringing Him glory.

Thirteen years later, by the kindness and grace of God, Gina and I are doing wonderfully. We are enjoying a deep love and true unity. However, the memories of that first 18 months are never far from our minds. When temptation creeps up and division begins to appear, we unite…As we do, the cross has its intended effect on our relationship. And we are deeply thankful.