What are We Doing to Our Children?

By reading a wide variety of news stories, you can see God at work in people’s lives in big and small ways and stay informed on what motivates people to do what they do. However, you also run into a boatload of information you wish you didn’t know. I’m going to share some of that with you today.

A recent article reported that a New Zealand judge found two parents guilty of child abuse…for the name they gave their daughter. What was it? Brace yourself…her name was Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. To make matters worse, the article abbreviates here name as TDTHFH. That poor little girl.

Oddly enough, as I read, a passage of Scripture came to my mind. Ephesians 6:4 gives this caution to fathers: “do not provoke your children to anger.” Other versions use words like “exasperate.”

Now, I’m moving forward believing that none of you have named your children TDTHFH. But, if you’re like me, you are prone to doing things that unnecessarily embarrass your children.

It might be as simple as singing or whistling in public. Maybe it’s a pet name that you use for them around the house…and when their friends are there for a sleepover. It could be the color socks you wear with your sneakers.

But it might be something more profound than that. Perhaps your correction for them in public is needlessly detailed, or loud, or visible. Or maybe you share stories about them that reflect poorly on their character or wisdom.

I’m not characterizing these actions as child abuse. At one point or another, I’ve been guilty of all of them (with the notable exception of the sock-color thing.) However, in light of what we know of the Scriptures, both trivial AND profound actions can exasperate and embitter our children, unnecessarily provoking them.

Where are we to begin in evaluating this element of our parenting? Here are some practical tips:

- Consider each of your children separately. How does his/her personality bend? How have you seem him/her respond to specific things you’ve done or said?

- Once you’ve done this, consider if you can adjust your actions without sacrificing your convictions. Some things may necessarily embarrass our children, like clothing and media guidelines that we give them. However, most of the time, embarrassment is unnecessary and avoidable.

- If you’re courageous enough…ask them what you do and say that embarrasses them. Prepare yourself to avoid being defensive or easily hurt. Also, prepare to discuss alternatives they’d prefer and to seriously consider small adjustments here or there.

There are so many times that difference of opinion is actually necessary. So many times that we will have to oppose their preferences as they grow. It is parental wisdom to look for ways to avoid doing this unnecessarily and to avoid provoking them to anger. They will appreciate it more than you know…and the joy in your home will abound in such an environment of servant grace.