Married or VERY Married?

“If I get married, I want to be very married.” Audrey Hepburn

Every married couple is made up of married people. That’s how marriage works. Two people get married and become a married couple. But are both people “equally” married? In one sense, of course they are. One marriage makes two people equally married.

Yet, in another sense, in a more functional sense, many marriages consist of one spouse being more married than the other. One spouse does more of the work. One spouse does more of the overlooking. One does more of the forgiving, of the communicating, of the sacrificing. The blessings that come to a couple often come through the labor of one spouse over the other.

Now, I’m not trying to break out a marital score card. I’m not posting a 10 question survey to figure out who’s working and who’s freeloading. Here’s what I’m getting at.

We all can be guilty of allowing the health of our marriage to live on the fumes of our spouse’s labor…coasting through a day or a week. I don’t have to look back very far before I find a day or a week where Gina out labored me in our marriage. She initiated topics on conversation that I ought to have initiated. She asked to pray with me about something rather than me drawing her out. The ebb and flow of labor in a marriage relationship is common and necessary.

However, the real question is this: Does this type of behavior form a pattern in your marriage? Do you find that you coast on the fumes of your spouse’s efforts? You are married, that is for sure…but are you VERY married?

VERY married people pour themselves into the success of their marriage. VERY married people strive to serve Christ through their marriage…in their marriage. VERY married people don’t act and wait for their spouse to act back…they act because it is the right thing to do.

One of the most famous passages on marriage in the New Testament is Ephesians 5:22-33. Without a doubt, it is a pivotal passage for the success of any Christian marriage. However, one passage that is rarely cited for marriage is Romans 12:9-21.

There is a good reason for this…it is not about marriage. It is, however, about what will characterize the life of a disciple of Christ. If a couple rightly understands Ephesians 5:22-33, they may be led to ask, “What does this passage look like when it is lived out?” In many ways, it looks like Romans 12:9-21.

One key difference between those who are married and those who are VERY married is not just effort, but purpose in the effort. Being a wife or a husband is one thing. Being a disciple who is a wife or a husband is quite another. Purposeful discipleship will help you make the important transition from married to VERY married. And one of the greatest joys that can visit a marriage is having two spouses who are VERY married.