It had been a grueling morning at the doctor’s office. I took the 3 kids in for Lily’s 6 month well-baby check up…just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill appointment, complete with a very long wait (especially for 2 active little boys). I was doing all I could to keep my boys under control, including feeding them large amounts of animal crackers even though lunch was half an hour away. Despite my efforts though, by the time we were checking out they were totally checked out …completely running wild in the waiting room as I paid our co-pay and set-up the next appointment. They were running laps in the small waiting area and yelling and laughing VERY LOUDLY…and the worst part was they were completely disregarding me and any commands I gave them. In that moment, I had no control over my children and I was totally embarrassed. I finally managed to catch Ryle mid-stride and keep hold of his arm long enough to direct him to the door and then I scooped Ben up and had to carry him out screaming and crying while also carrying Lily in her car seat. All in all it was not a pretty scene and I’m sure the polite women at the front desk who were giving me sympathy smiles were glad to see us leave!
Looking back I can laugh about it now, but on the car ride home I was experiencing anger, embarrassment, discouragement, and exhaustion. When I got in I had the boys spend some time up in their room so that I could call a friend and get some help…I knew I was far too angry to be able to discipline them appropriately and lovingly. After I repented of my own sin I was able to correct the boys and talk to them about their disobedience. However, I was still locating the problem in them and wanting them to see how serious it was that they didn’t obey mommy. In short I was still viewing them as bigger sinners than myself.
It wasn’t until further conversation with Jared that I was able to see that the main issue God wanted to call my attention to wasn’t the seriousness of Ryle and Ben’s disobedience, but rather what was revealed about my own heart. In those moments at the doctor’s office there was a lot going on in my heart…anger toward my children, pride that was craving the approval of a room full of strangers, and an inordinate desire for well-behaved children.
Ryle and Ben may have been more visibly rebellious, yet when I look at my own heart I’m aware that my own sin and rebellion is no less flagrant…just a little more hidden to the onlookers in the waiting room. And seeing my own sin causes me to flee to the cross where I can find forgiveness and be cleansed from all unrighteousness. And then I’m positioned to come alongside my boys as a fellow sinner and remind them of the good news of the gospel…that Christ died to save sinners like them and sinners like me.
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